Wish Gone Wrong

Granted, but you OD on ecstasy.

I wish my couch could eat people.

Granted, but you are devoured by your monster couch.

I wish I'd stop posting in forum games and start posting in Intelligent Debate (or whatever it's called over here) a lot more.

Granted, but the others pwn you at it.

I wish I had an instant cure to my headache...

Granted, but it moves the ache to somewhere else in your body.

I wish I had a shaver.

Granted, but is a "shaver" an actual thing? 

I wish I knew what a shaver was (unless your referring to razor).

Granted. A man dressed in black explains what a shaver is to you just before using it to murder you. 

I wish I could be a good artist.

Granted, but you become a wolf.

I wish I was immortal.

Granted, but after Earth explodes you float through space endlessly until you get pulled into a star and ultimately burn for eternity.

I wish I could eat more hotdogs...

Granted, but after Earth explodes you float through space endlessly until you get pulled into a star and ultimately burn for eternity.

I wish I could eat more hotdogs...

Granted but you are now a professional at sucking a mans penis.

I wish ^ played the forum game correctly....

Granted, but you'd dislike him anyway.

I wish I could find an avatar to match the Dr_??? theme.

Granted, but when you find one after a whole nights searching. Dr_??? week is over.

I wish for my avatar to become real.

Granted, but it goes on a rampage and kills you.

I wish for a banana split.

Granted, but the fairies got it wrong and gave you half a banana.

I wish I had more coffee.

Granted, but you get so much coffee that you can never finish it all and it becomes a haven for terrible monsters, which eventually devour you.

I wish I wouldn't decline so much in my writing skills after a long hiatus.

Granted, but no one will read the things you write anyway.

I wish I had a better camera to take pictures with.

Granted but I eated it.

I wish I had a text. Nobody loves me.

Granted, but subsequently you become so popular that you are reduced to a drunk raving celebrity.

I wish I had one great horror movie with me at the moment. *gestures hopelessly at his copy of The Happening*

Granted, but due to power outage you have nothing to play the movie with.

I wish I win the GIAM contest with Shadows.

Granted, but a freak server crash removes all traces of the game and the competition before your victory goes public, and no one gets to hear about it (including you).

I wish there was one awesome person to socialize with in the dump I live in.

Granted. I move into your house and become your new roommate.

I wish I could go to sleep for at least a couple of minutes without being awoken by fucking loud music.

Granted. But the music player is destroyed.

I wish school was not so god damn annoying.

Granted. You get kicked out of school and become a hobo for the rest of your life.

I wish for world peace.

Granted. No catch this time.

I wish that \/'s wish came true.

granted but their worst nightmare comes true simultaneously

I wish I had enough money to afford an apartment