[Writing] From the Woods [Another very short story]

[yuyu!]

Author's Note: This one is one of my favorites, but it does stir up a lot of negative emotions. I thought about changing the ending, but ultimately kept it the same (as everyone suggested). :-)

by Deanna Coulton
Theme: Love

   Helen glanced at the empty space beside her as she laid in bed. Where was Gavin this time? It seemed that he always disappeared at night, though she dared not question his loyalty.

   Was he in the woods again?

   She buttoned up her dress, walked into her slippers, and then proceeded to quietly sneak down the stairs, as if she might wake up someone if she was heard. Of course,  there was no one that lived in that house except for Helen and Gavin.
   The door creaked by the touch of her hand before she opened it just enough to let herself through. She then glanced to the left, where she would always see him.
   Gavin didn't fail her this time. Surely enough, he was standing in front of the woods, watching her as she exited the house.
   "Aren't you going to come inside?" She held her hair back to keep it under her own control, instead of the control of the gales.
   She continued, "You're going to catch a cold!"

   That night, she was pleased to have him whisper her to sleep. His soft voice reassured her that he'd always protect her and love her for an eternity. For Helen, this was the greatest feeling in the world. There was something so personal and affectionate about the way he spoke in a hushed voice.
   In fact, it seemed like everything he had said for the past couple of years was quiet and hushed – just the way she preferred to live. It was just the two of them in their silent abode in the middle of the woods.

   In the morning, Helen would fix her hair in the mirror, looking upon the pesky grays as they began to adopt reinforcements. Whenever she would become too discouraged in the war with them, Gavin would step behind her and hold her firmly. He was always such a sweet man, and the best husband a girl could ever ask for. But most importantly, he was always there to keep her company.
   Her only qualm was that she'd wake up almost every night and have to make him come back inside. She couldn't sleep without his warmth. But, for some reason, he was so intent on visiting those woods.

   That night was no different. She once again snuck down the stairs, peeked open the door, held her hair back, and called out to him. He was immediately staring at her, as if he was waiting for her to look for him.

   The next day, Helen and Gavin were to expect company – her sister, in fact. It had been years since anyone, family members or otherwise, had been to their house. Her sister had insisted on visiting her for the first time in forever.

   Bearing the same face, but not the same gray vermin in her locks, Helen found her sister to be quite a sight for sore (yet somewhat jealous) eyes. Her sister was much thinner than she was, but had lived her whole life alone. This was the one way that Helen considered the scales to be in her favor.

   "Are you doing well?" Her sister finally asked, after a long moment of awkward smiles.
   "Yes, yes, quite fine." Helen pleasantly responded.
   There was a solemn pause before Helen's sister would speak again, "I just wanted to ask that you return home. You're bound to be depressed out here in the woods."
   "No, I'm fine, really." Helen folded her hands above her lap, with one leg over the other and her shoulders slightly leaned back.
   The twin face across the table took a deep breath before she would continue, "but, I think it would really help for you to get away from the site of..." she paused in sorrow, "...the accident."
   Helen still remained calm, "I have Gavin here. I'll be alright."
   After a brief moment of awe, Helen's sister would grow the face of a ghost and let her mouth fall open. She would not speak for another minute or two.
   "But...Gavin has been dead for three years now."

   It wouldn't be long before Helen would shoo her sister out of the house and reject her offer entirely – possibly even demanding that she never return for another visit.
   
   And then, Helen would remember everything: the crashing sound, the large oak that rested upon him, the reports in news, the funeral, the long period of hiding afterward, and then...the solace. The peace. The feeling of comfort as she saw him standing in the woods for the first time one night.

   Helen took a step backwards, dragging the weight of three years of overdue sorrow with her. She wept uncontrollably for what felt like days, weeks, or even an eternity.

   Eventually, her face would become dry again, and when this happened, she confronted the woods once more. This time, she didn't bring an open heart, but a large can of gasoline and a match.

   Helen watched as the flames consumed everything that held a place in her heart. She tried her best not to cry, but she really couldn't help it.

[yuyu!]

[Spoiler]
I'm still a horrible person.
[/Spoiler]

[Spoiler]
Why am I so mean to my creations?
[/Spoiler]

[Spoiler]
Made ya look.
[/Spoiler]

[&&&&&&&&&&&&&]

I liked it.

[yuyu!]

To celebrate my happiness, I added a cheesy logo for the title.

[FlameMaster5]

Hey, that was wonderful! ^^
And totally caught me by surprise!

Worst part...
I'm glad he was dead.
It just got serious then. ;]


(I, too, am a terrible person. XD)

[yuyu!]

Awww, thanks, Bree!

The encouragement means a lot!

[Jules]

I stole the cheesy title from you xD


I really liked this peace. The only thing I would suggest is to maybe develop Helen a little more so that I can relate to her sorrow. I want to know but I'm just not quite there.  Aside from that I got nutin.  Great job!

[yuyu!]

The only thing I would suggest is to maybe develop Helen a little more so that I can relate to her sorrow. I want to know but I'm just not quite there.

More character development? Got it! I figured it was probably a bit easier to know what was going on with Mitt than Helen, since the whole story revolved around his state of mind.

Also: is the theme (love) fitting for this story? Or would a different one suit it better?

[Jules]

Oh I think love is very fitting.

[FlameMaster5]

Oh, the theme is definitely love.


My mom lost her husband Jeffery and she, too, hallucinated about seeing him at work one day.
Thankfully it was only for one day, and she knew he was dead, but...
When you love someone so much, and something that tragic happens, sometimes the person just can't deal with it. 

[yuyu!]

  I remember when that happened. I still feel really bad for your mom... Though I had never heard about the hallucinating thing.

[FlameMaster5]

Yeah... That happened after my sis and I arrived back home, somewhere near Valentine's Day since that was their wedding day. I guess she had been thinking of him so much that, just out of the blue one day, saw him between the crowds of the nursing office she was at.
It freaked her out a little. XD

But she's holding up well. Soon, though, it'll come the day he died in May...
That won't be a good day.

[yuyu!]

Has it really been that long already?

My condolences. I'm glad to hear that things are at least looking up for her.

[EvilM00s]

Yipe. My soul hurts.

Okay, so like, everything was going really well untill Helen set the woods on fire. You can't do that! That's like shifting gears without a clutch! She needs to have a meaningful goodbye with Gavin's ghost! What the hell, Deanna? Just what the hell?!?

Did Helen burn herself too? Does Gavin's spirit take her to... to... to Ghostworld? Do they find each other again? Is Gavin just gone now? WHat did you do to their love?

I got attached to their love for each other, as you can see... good work! I really felt that. It wasn't a positive feeling, but it was delicious.

[EvilM00s]

Emotional tirade over with, I resume level headed critique.

That opening was much smoother than your previous works. The writing is pleasant, and it's nice to see the gentle aspects of love showing in a story. That's hard to do and you made the subtlety powerful enough to draw attention.

I do question wether Helen was nuts or if Gavin really WAS there and haunting her, keeping her from moving on. It seemed to me she was tormented by his appearances, but had allowed herself to find comfort in the torture- like Stockholm Syndrome, if you will. I enjoy the ambiguity of her motivations!

Well written and emotion-provoking, even if I was not happy with the emotions provoked! Well done, and my favorite of your work so far!

[yuyu!]

Okay, so let me just start out by saying that ending was originally very, very different. Originally, she kicked her sister out and then went on living a life of blissful ignorance, rather than choosing a rather dramatic way to move on.

Because a certain SOMEONE didn't like it. madface lol

The whole burning thing could very well represent my feelings of the story when I was writing it - I became insecure in the ending and (quite literally) put a torch to it. So, I guess this one kinda spiraled out of my control, too. o.o

I was considering keeping the original ending around as well, in case that one works better than my sudden flair of insanity. B) Honestly? I kinda liked the original ending. But my insecurity kinda made me take a different direction. Because of this, I have decided to tack on an alternative ending - or rather, the original ending. The alternative one will be the burst of flames.

Okay, so I forgot how exactly it went. Something like this:

[Spoiler]
   She could do nothing but sit and weep as painful memories tore their way into her mind.
   She remembered it all: the crashing sound, the large oak that rested upon him, the reports in news, the funeral, the long period of hiding afterward, and then...the solace. The peace. There was a strange feeling of comfort as she saw him standing in the woods for the first time one night.

   Helen took a step backwards, dragging the weight of three years of overdue sorrow with her. She wept uncontrollably for what felt like days, weeks, or even an eternity.

   Late into that night, her routine was purely to smite herself in her pity. She struggled out of bed, staggered down the stairs, shook the door open, and let her hair be devoured by the wind.
    And with a turn to the left, she realized something: Gavin really was always there for her.
[/Spoiler]

That's not exactly how I wrote it first, but I kinda like it. Better than the flames one? If so, I'd like to improve this piece - and maybe even restore it to the original ending I had intended if that works better. I wouldn't mind seeing it go back in that direction. I was just afraid that someone would think it was too cliche or cheesy.



[Spoiler=Ghost? Or Imagination?]
I like to leave these things up to the reader to interpret.

But...I'm really big on supernatural matters. He's actually a ghost. B)
[/Spoiler]

[Sophist]

This was much smoother writing than your first entry, I must agree. I felt no fault in any wording or grammar, so it was quite spot on.

The story itself is fantastic, and although it leaves a want to know the interpretation, the intended mystery worked perfectly. I was truly saddened to think upon her loss and downfall. You play heartstrings like a harp, her cozy enchantment with the man she loves burned like two young paramours, and the fraying edges of her life taunted in and out without staggering. It is a very well written and well told story, I'm just simply appalled.

[yuyu!]

I actually legitimately feel bad for the ending of this one. I think I went a bit too far and I'm still torn on if it should be changed or not.

[Spoiler=To This]

   She could do nothing but sit and weep as painful memories tore their way into her mind.
   She remembered it all: the crashing sound, the large oak that rested upon him, the reports in news, the funeral, the long period of hiding afterward, and then...the solace. The peace. There was a strange feeling of comfort as she saw him standing in the woods for the first time one night.

   Helen took a step backwards, dragging the weight of three years of overdue sorrow with her. She wept uncontrollably for what felt like days, weeks, or even an eternity.

   Late into that night, her routine was purely to smite herself in her pity. She struggled out of bed, staggered down the stairs, shook the door open, and let her hair be devoured by the wind.
    And with a turn to the left, she realized something: Gavin really was always there for her.

[/Spoiler]

I got a bit too attached to Gavin and Helen.

[FlameMaster5]

You changed the end?
I kinda liked the first read, even though it was tragic.
It left a perfect picture of how she could not live without him.

I wouldn't like it if someone I knew decided upon this route themselves...
But in this story, I felt she had no real close relationship to her sister, or had any real friends, and so being alone like that would have given her plenty good reason to light the match and burn with the woods to reach him again.
It was so powerful!

I like that Helen doesn't give in to her grief, too...
But now I just can't see it happening any other way. ^^'

[yuyu!]

I guess I will keep the fires, then! ;o

I feel bad because I've suckerpunched a lot of people with what seemed like it could have turned out to be a sweet, loving story. ;_;

[EvilM00s]

Deanna, ddon't think that because the story drew negative feelings that you wrote a bad story. In fact, it's just the opposite. With every "wtf did you do to them" response, you know that one more person got attached to your characters. That's the goal! You did it!