These are things that I picked up on while reading.
Chapter 2“Aldor,” Eled said as he placed an hand on his shoulder, “No war last forever.”
Wars? Or maybe no war lasts forever? Something just isn't clicking with that lol
Though Aldor longed to return to his home and embrace his wife, Imroden, whom he at the window busy preparing a meal he knew that she nor he would eat, they marched on.
Whom he saw*
His wife was always considered the needs of others greater than her own.
Drop the was, His wife always*
Even when they passed Aldor's house, with his wife and parents inside it, they did not stop.
.. then a paragraph or so later:
The military had been the closest thing he had known to a family since his own parents had passed away.
Huh? 0o
Yet seeing so many where the colors of the army now reminded him of the difficult times they lived in.
wear*
He wondered if the fighting would ever get bad enough to, of necessity, use the young ones in battle <--- add those commas
To join the military, one must be fifty elven years and have completed the training in the military tower.
Drop one of the the's? .. completed training in the military tower.
The selection of the elders was a mysterious and secret tradition of the elves
I think this sentence could do without “of the elves” We know they're elves by this point. So just …mysterious and secret tradition.
“I've just been discussing with the future of Talgel.”
Is that with supposed to be there?
Her eyes, that Aldor thought could look into his very being, were as blue as the bluest summer sky. <--- add those commas
Aldor was both impressed that she had been able to remember such a small encounter all those years ago, and embarrassed that he had been seen that night.<--- add a comma
Chapter 3It was what had happened earlier that day, the army Snarlgut led down to the southern peninsula to raid the elven cities retreated back to the northern mountains and woods where they had lived for generations. <--- add a comma
Discord
Light Style