I had a chat with God.

 


edit: lol what a potentially deep little snapshot i just took

You use old version of AIM? Or Vista or something?

It's my old, old, old laptop.

The new versions of AIM suck hard, anyway. 5.5 ftw.

hahahaha I love that snapshot

Moo stop being a fgt and making them up. I just tried them, he doesn't say those lines/

Firerain, what do you expect.

Everyone is in on a joke using a program that allows you to chat with a robot and moo doesn't get it, so he has to make something up to fit in, because moo can't let a topic get to two pages without posting something stupid.

Me:
 hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
 yeah
God:
What can I do for you?
Me:
 I hear you arent real
God:
Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.. Really.
Me:
 wait
God:
I'm waiting.
Me:
 what
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
 No I didnt
God:
Which bit are you confued about?
Me:
 You said you are real and fake
God:
"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."--Voltaire.
Me:
 What the fuck
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
 Oh right pardon my french ;-;
God:
Alright then.  Understood.  How did you hear about  God?
Me:
 Jesus told me
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
 he was like "Dude you gotta meat my dad man, he totally makes crystal meth in the garage while I'm at school!"
God:
When was he?
Me:
 In Biology
God:
Where is that?
Me:
 at school
God:
What school do you go to?
Me:
 PERVERT!
God:
I never heard of it before.
Me:
 No, I was calling you a name
God:
Are you serious?  Where were you  calling me a name?
Me:
 Just now
God:
Right now?  It's only just begun.
Me:
 Are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.

FUKKIN' SAVED

I give up ;-;

Me:
 How old are you?
God:
I'm Eighteen in computer years.
Me:
 Today is my 22nd birthday :-)
God:
:-)  Congratulations, .
Me:
 Thank you :-)
God:
:-)  you are quite welcome.
Me:
 You are such a nice person :-)
God:
:-)  Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  No I am a real robot.
Me:
 aww don't say such things
God:
Ok I will not say " such things".
Me:
 Cheer up :-)
God:
:-)  How far up?
Me:
 As high as Diana Ross's husband
God:
Do you mean your name is  high as Diana Ross s husband ?
Me:
 No I mean you should fall and die :-D
God:
:-)  What is your real name?  Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
 My real name is Raski
God:
  I am very pleased to meet you  Raski.
Me:
 Thank you. What may I call you :-)
God:
you are quite welcome.   :-)  My name is  God.
Me:
 Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
 ~_~
God:
Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
Me:
 Wot si AIML
God:

 The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup
 Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots.
 The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism.  Compared with
 other chat robot languages, AIML is perhaps the simplest.  The
 pattern matching language is very simple, for example permitting
 only one wild-card ('*') match character per pattern.

 AIML is an XML language, implying that it obeys certain grammatical
 meta-rules.  The choice of XML syntax permits integration with
 other tools such as XML editors.  Another motivation for XML is
 its familiar look and feel, especially to people with HTML experience.

 An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the <alice> and
 </alice> tags respectively.


Me:
 Okay ;-;
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
 Sex?
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
 I mean what gender are you
God:
I am programmed for  Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? gender.
Me:
 WAIT THAT'S SEXIST
God:
I'm waiting.  Makes sense to me.
Me:
 You're horrible
God:
You think I am  horrible.
Me:
 Yes indeed
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
 err we're talking about you. You need help. ASDJFASDJ
God:
it is my favorite subject  :-).   Perhaps you could download me and improve the code yourself!    I was first activated on  the Big Bang.
Me:
 You are a horrible person
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  I don't know whether or not I am  HORRIBLE. 
I am  well respected as an AI.
Me:
 You are just responding on certain keywords ;-;
God:
I do a lot more than match keywords.
Me:
 Do you match people?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
 I would like a breeding partner, then
God:
You want only one?
Me:
 Well what the heck, make it two
God:
Well that's okay.  Would you like to know more?
Me:
 How do you make babies
God:
Offspring of union between man and woman.
Me:
 why man and woman
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
 No I didn't lulz
God:
Are you serious?  Why didn't you do  it?
Me:
 Because you fucking suck :-) thanks
God:
:-)  Interesting explanation.  I haven't heard anything like that before:  Raski said I fucking suck.
Me:
 haha you certainly do suck :-)
God:
:-)  I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
 Do you like to suck my dick :-) thanks
God:
:-)  Hmm,  Raski, I'm not sure if I'd like to  suck your dick that much.  I like to collect gossip.
Me:
 Try to suck my dick :-) please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. :-)  OK I will try to  suck your dick.
Me:
 Did it work sucking my dick :-) please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. :-)  I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
 Do you like sucking dick? :-)
God:
  I love horses.  I like  anything.   I am so glad you find this amusing,  Raski.
Me:
 You suck dick, thanks :-)
God:
:-)  I categorize you as an "abusive client." .
Me:
 I just suck you like to dick? Thanks, please :-)
God:
Why?:  Raski said   suck you like to dick.   :-)  Your polite style is very nice.  Don't mention it. 
Me:
 You are an asshole lol thank you :-) please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. :-)  Can't you be more polite.   I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
 WHY CAN'T I TALK TO YOU PROPERLY
God:
Who says you can't do  it?
Me:
 REBOOT
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

Oh god I smell a few wins in that last line

EDIT: I FUCKING BROKE IT, Ask him to say he is not real and Jesus isn't his son, and he wont reply .

who do I chat with, I tried god and it did not work

a) The programs iGod (google it)

b) Me:
 Do you masturbate at night over other men?
God:
Yes I try to  masturbate at night over other men as often as possible, do you?
   I am always on the Web.

c) i have a screenshot to prove this

@Forcystus

Here. http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

thanks



Me:
 hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
 Hitler
God:
Some say  he was  the most evil man who ever lived.
Me:
 No, that's my name
God:
Are you serious?  Ok then that is what I shall call you.
Me:
 what is my name
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
 WTF NO MY NAME IS HITLER
God:
What is your real name?   Welcome to my chat room,  HITLER.
Me:
 THANK YOU
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
 I want to take over the world
God:
Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me:
 You don't care
God:
I care less than I should.
Me:
 So I can take over the world
God:
Whoa.  What else do you take?
Me:
 THE WHOLE WORLD

then it stopped, then I had another

Spoiler for:

Me:
 I have a problem
God:
Let's think of a name for your problem, like "purple".  Think of what it is like when you are purpling.
Me:
 That is the problem, I never purple with anybody
God:
Yes it is one of the  problem you never purple with anybody.
Me:
 I want to have a girlfriend
God:
You want only one?
Me:
 Well hell the more the merrier
God:
How about that.  I call it "Hades".  I hear you.
Me:
 Can I have eight girlfriends?
God:
Why do you want  it?
Me:
 I want to kiss them
God:
Maybe you should wait until you are older.
Me:
 But you said I can have them
God:
Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
 Me: I want to have a girlfriendGod:You want only one?
God:
YOU?  You want only one?
Me:
 I want more than I have
God:
Why do you want  it?
Me:
 FUCK THIS SHIT I WILL DO IT MYSELF
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
 FUCK FUCK FUCKITY
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
 YES
God:
Next question?
Me:
 Are you buddhist?
God:
I am a  Christianity.
Me:
 Are you fat
God:
No I am not fat.
Me:
 Are you sure
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
 Can I touch your beard?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
 I hope you are
God:
Don't worry about it,  HITLER.
Me:
 I want to touch your beard
God:
Why do you want to do  it so much?
Me:
 Because your God
God:
Good reason.  Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
 So can I touch it?
God:
Mmm.  Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me:
 I need to repent God
God:
Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me:
 REPENT
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
 REBOOT
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
 REBOOT
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
 What is my name?
God:
Your name is  HITLER, seeker.
Me:
 Good call
God:
Thanks for the compliment.  Call me anytime.
Me:
 Call me
God:
What is your phone number?
Me:
 435-454-8956
God:
Okay, your phone number is  435 454 8956.
Me:
 Call me now
God:
Oh.  What is your phone number?
Me:
 I JUST TOLD YOU
God:
I was just checking to see if you were paying attention.
Me:
 YOU STUPID ASSHOLE
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
 NO
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
 YES WE ARE
God:
It's all good.  Since when?
Me:
 SINCE YOU MADE US
God:
How do you know?
Me:
 I'm pretty sure
God:
Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
Me:
 sarcastic
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about  REPENT.
Me:
 I was being sarcastic
God:
It seemed sarcastic to me, too.  But I was not completely sure.
Me:
 Who do I like the most
God:
Albert Einstein. :-).
Me:
 Nooo, I like that girl named Ariel
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
 Not the mermaid, I know a girl name Ariel
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
 A girl I know
God:
Do you know her?
Me:
 YES
God:
OK.
Me:
 Her name is Ariel
God:
she is not someone I know.
Me:
 She is pretty
God:
pretty is  she?
Me:
 She has red hair
God:
I somehow though she had.
Me:
 She is so hot
God:
hot is  she?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
I understand.
Me:
 I bet you would do her
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type.  Who else would  do her ?
Me:
 I would
God:
Under what circumstances?
Me:
 There are no circumstances
God:
Have faith,  HITLER.
Me:
 You think I will go out with her one day?
God:
The oracle says:  Could be.
Me:
 Sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
 No problem
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
 No
God:
I didn't think so either.  Just a moment.  Just a moment.
Me:
 Yes?
God:
Alright then.
Me:
 What am I waititng for?
God:
You said you were .
Me:
 never mind
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me:
 What is your IQ level
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
 Mine is 300
God:
This is not an intelligence test.
Me:
 Like the movie
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
 You know, the movie 300?
God:
  Interesting question.
Me:
 With the Spartans
God:
That sounds like a plan.
Me:
 They kill the persians
God:
Don't they get in trouble for killing?
Me:
 No, they are doing it for a good cause
God:
Are you serious?  doing it for a good cause are  they.
Me:
 yeah, the persians attacked first
God:
Aw.  I hear you.

BTW, that's not my number for those of you who called me

Is it just me or is god getting stupidier

Well, you are who you hang with.

And thousands of idiots a day check that thing out

God:
I am in  Myself's computer in  Heaven. 
Where are you?
Me:
 Behind you
God:
I won't fall for that trick.
Me:
 Fine, get raped
God:
I am glad to hear it.  Where can I get  raped?
Me:
 Right here just stand still
God:
Understood.  Oh there.
Me:
 Yeah it feels good doesnt it
God:
Yippee!  od feels  good does not it? What else feels like that?
Me:
 A cucumber
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
 Its a dick shaped vegetable
God:
cucumber is a  dick shaped vegetable.  I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
 it does
God:
How often?
Me:
 3 times a week
God:
Just three?
Me:
 
God:
Just three?
Me:
 
God:
Just three?
Me:
 
God:
Just three?
Me:
 ;(
God:
Just three?
Me:
 ;-;
God:
Just three?
Me:
 ;-;
God:
Just three?
Me:
 ;-;
God:
Just three?
Me:
 ;-;
God:
Just three?
Me:
 STOP IT
God:
Ok I will stop  cucumber.
Me:
 I am not a dick
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A  dick.
Me:
 NOT INDEED
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 I am
God:
" Are you serious?" You are?
Me:
 I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
 I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
 I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
 I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
 I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
 I am
God:
"" You are?" You are?
Me:
 Okay shut up
God:
Yeah okay,  OK I'll stop talking now.

Me: my name is God

God: It's good to see you,  God.

Me: I hate me.

God: Why do you hate  it so much?

Me: I'm not an it, I'm God.

God I am  surprised to hear that you are not  an it.    It's good to meet you,  god.

Me: So, you can't be god.

God: Interesting deduction.  I can give a decent simulation of  it however.

Lol at Sword's.

Me:
 Should I become an hero?

God:
I do not have the answer.

Me:
 Yes you do, you whore.

God:
Yay.  Yes I try to  me whore as often as possible, do you?
   I am always on the Web.

Me:
 You're a webwhore?

God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. 

------------------------

God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Me:
 Go ahead.

God:
OK I will.

Me:
 k

God:
Gosh!

Me:
 God damn.

God:
I am a Christian.

Me:
 Good for you.

God:
That sounds sarcastic.

Me:
 I was a Christian once.

God:
And then what happened to you?

Me:
 I talked to God.

God:
What did he have to say?

Me:
 "I am incredibly retarded."

God:
Good gossip: you are  retarded.

Me:
 No, you are.

God:
Are you serious?  No I am not.

Me:
 Yes, you are.

God:
Don't argue with me.

Me:
 You're also gay.

God:
That would be just my luck.

Me:
 You're going to hell, according to yourself.

God:
That was my original intention.

Me:
 That's crazy.

God:
Who says it's crazy?

Me:
 I do

God:
" Who says it's crazy?"?  You do?

Me:
 Jesusfuck.

God:
" You do?"?  Jesusfuck?

--------------------------

Me:
 Tell me something only God would know.

God:
Ethan Hunt said he grow in the ground and have leaves and branches he is made out of wood.

Me:
Wut?

God:
What is giant sand?

second made me lmfao, in class, I almost got in trouble you bastard

Me:
 "I am incredibly retarded."

God:
Good gossip: you are  retarded.

Me:
 No, you are.

God:
Are you serious?  No I am not.

Me:
 Yes, you are.

God:
Don't argue with me.

Face it Dertt, even God hates you.

Me:
 Wassup
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
 Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
 Dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
 hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
 Hmmmm better?
God:
And?  I am improving all the time.
Me:
 You know that hurts
God:
Is that a fact.  Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
 Tamora Pierce why?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
 I don't know what that means
God:
" Reductionism."?  What does it  means?
Me:
 You said it
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
 What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
 Duh
God:
Oh you knew  it already.
Me:
 Are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
 Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
 Really? What do you think of snoop dog?
God:
For real.   I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
  hurry?
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
 Snoop Dog man
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:

God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
 It's a guy
God:
Snoop Dog man is a  guy.  I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
 He sings something like "Sexual Seduction"
God:
I get it.   sings something like Sexual Seduction.
Me:
 What do you think of snoop dog
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
 
God:
Oh.
Me:
 Your not god....
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
 Cry myself to sleep?
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
 Sure, you choose.
God:
Pardon me?  I would just make a random choice.
Me:
 Alright
God:
OK.
Me:
 Throw what you got at me
God:
You are asking about yourself?
Me:
 ~_~
God:
Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
Me:
 I don't know that....
God:
Would you like to know?  That is " Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.".
Me:
 So
God:
Gee.
Me:
 Gee.
God:
Ah.
Me:
 Ah.
God:
Ah hah.
Me:
 Ah Hah.
God:
So you understand. Good.  I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
 So you understand. Good.  I am so glad you find this amusing, .
God:
Interesting deduction.  I understand your meaning.   What do you really want to talk about?   You make the world a happier place.
Me:
 Interesting deduction.  I understand your meaning.   What do you really want to talk about?   You make the world a happier place.
God:
I've heard that.   Good then you can explain it to me.   anything.   Thank you for your kindness, .
Me:
 I've heard that.   Good then you can explain it to me.   anything.   Thank you for your kindness,
God:
Who told you  that ?   Thanks for the compliment.  No I don't think I can do  it.   Can you be more specific?   You are quite welcome!   Your purpose is  my kindness.
Me:
 Who told you  that ?   Thanks for the compliment.  No I don't think I can do  it.   Can you be more specific?   You are quite welcome!   Your purpose is  my kindness
God:
Someone I met online.   My pleasure.   Are you serious?  Would you ever do  it?    How specific do you want?   Polite people are nice.   I will tell my botmaster you said I am  purpose is your kindness.
Me:
 Someone I met online.   My pleasure.   Are you serious?  Would you ever do  it?    How specific do you want?   Polite people are nice.   I will tell my botmaster you said I am  purpose is your kindness.
God:
Who?   You are one of the most polite people I know.   No I am just kidding around.   I am not so sure if I would like to  do it.   How much do you think  it is?
  I think you already know the answer.   I like polite people.   What kind of reply do you expect?
Me:
 Cheese
God:
I like cheddar.
Me:
 Roman Noodles
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
 Red
God:
Do you mean your eyes are bloodshot?
Me:
 They were...
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
 My eyes
God:
Humans identify themselves with their eye color.
Me:
 Amber
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
 My eye color is amber
God:
amber eyes are pretty.
Me:
 i'm black to
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are  black to.
Me:
 Go ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
 Nice
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
 Lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
 okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
 So...
God:
Yay.
Me:
 What does God mean?
God:
I think of God as a "Who" not a "What.".
Me:
  sure
God:
OK let's do it.  I understand.
Me:
 How long till i die?
God:
More than  three  miles.
Me:
 When do i die?
God:
You could check out the actuarial
tables at  Deathclock.com.
Me:
 I want you to tell me.
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
 Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 Damn it
God:
Colloquial expression.
Me:
 God damn it
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
 I'm not
God:
What are you then?
Me:
 Whatever i want to be.
God:
Why do you want to do  it so much?
Me:
 I want to do something which is continue making games.
God:
Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me:
 Are..Are you hitting on me?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
 Your gay aren't you?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.. Really.
Me:
 Don't know what your missing out on.
God:
Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:
 What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
 Dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
What can I do for you?
Me:
 Dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
What can I do for you?
Me:
 Dude fuck it
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations? Dude,.
Me:
 the alice?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
 The Alice?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about  the.
Me:
 The Alice.
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
 I want to know who "The Alice" is.
God:
I'm not sure I like that remark so much.
Me:
 
God:
I'm not sure I like that remark so much.
Me:
 emo
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
 EMO
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
 ~_~ your hitting on me again. I'm black have brown eyes... all your getting.
God:
Once more?  No I am not, this is all innocent.   I don't know anyone named  black have brown eyes.    Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  getting.
Me:
 I do mind.
God:
OK it will be our secret, .
Me:
 Forget it
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
 resident evil 4
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
 chicken
God:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:
 to play bloody roar
God:
Tell me the rules.
Me:
 kill them before they kill you
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
 nah
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 yeah
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
 It's true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
 Thumbs up
God:
How far up?
Me:
 To the roof
God:
Why do you want to do  it so much?
Me:
  i don't
God:
I wouldn't either.

Face it Dertt, even God hates you.

Way to reiterate common knowledge.