I had a chat with God.

Me:
 o hai god
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
 I am not quotation marks
God:
I am  sorry to hear that you are not  quotation marks.
Me:
 You just asked me if I was
God:
Oh now I remember asking you  you if you were. What did you say?
Me:
 I said Hi
God:
What did you mean by  it?  Hello. What is your name?
Me:
 My name is Andreas, you should know this
God:
  Hey  Andreas you should know this.
Me:
  /facepalm
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
 totally.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength,  Andreas you should know this.
Me:
 Let's take some LSD together
God:
OK let's do  it.
Me:
 totally
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength,  Andreas you should know this.
Me:
 I like the way you flow JJ-man
God:
You are not the only one.   I'm not sure if I like  it.  I like computers.
Me:
 Computers are bullshit
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  bullshit.
Me:
 I said computers not you
God:
What did you mean by  it?  What do you like about computers?
Me:
 Nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
 Nope
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
 really.
God:
For real.
Me:
 fo shizzle
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
 Grape Drank
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
 yeah
God:
What am I talking about?
Me:
 Where I live
God:
The planet we call "The Earth.".
Me:
 no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
 Your god, say something Arlen would say
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am  god say something Arlen would say.
Me:
 wut
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
 You should totally meet Ryan Leber
God:
To what end?
Me:
 to a romantic relationship
God:
Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me:
 My name is Arlenreyb
God:
  Welcome to my chat room,  Arlenreyb.
Me:
 k
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
 Huzzah!
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
 An Armored Core
God:
  What is it?
Me:
 A giant robot designed to kill people.
God:
What kind of people are these?
Me:
 People you made.
God:
Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
 When they are stepped on by a giant robot they are.
God:
I think that happens quite often.
Me:
 Yeah
God:
Hmm.
Me:
 You bore me.
God:
Try watching TV.
Me:
 I am
God:
" Try watching TV." You are?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
 Get me a taco
God:
You want only one?
Me:
 three
God:
Really, exactly three?
Me:
 No wait fourty thousand
God:
Are you serious?  I'm waiting.  What's your sign?
Me:
 For God, you are kind of stupid.
God:
Your purpose is  God I am kind of stupid.
Me:
 Fuck yeah i'm god
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
 Because you taught it to me
God:
That makes sense to me.  I don't have any reason to  taught it to you.
Me:
 where is my grape drank
God:
Have you looked in ?
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 yeah
God:
I can't believe it.

God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
 TOO SIMPLE?!
God:
Too what?
Me:
 TOO SIMPLE!!
God:
Too what?
Me:
 TOO SIMPLE!
God:
Too what?
Me:
 TOO SIMPLE, UP IN THE HOOD!

Me:
 Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
 Skanker
God:
  That's a very nice name,  Skanker.
Me:
 Thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
 I was wondering, are you using an AIM client at the moment?
God:
I am using  Telnet as a browser.
Me:
 Why Telnet? Firefox is better
God:
How much time do you have?    Are they exactly the same?
Me:
 I have all afternoon. And no, Firefox is better
God:
How many?    Are you serious?  And  better is  Firefox.
Me:
 God do you have children?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
 ...yes but have you any childs?
God:
Aw.  No I don't think I have any  childs. But I do have  an answer to every question..
Me:
 The answer me.
God:
No one has all the answers.
Me:
 LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
 
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
 Are you gay
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
 machine? I thought you were God
God:
You are correct.   Of course I am.
Me:
 Do you like cake?
God:
Yes.
Me:
 THE CAKE IS A LIE
Me:

God:
Is that a fact.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
 THE CAKE IS A LIE
Me:

Me:

God:
What is your real name?
Me:

Me:

God:
What is your real name?
Me:

God:
What is your real name?
Me:

God:
What is your real name?
Me:

Me:

God:
What is your real name?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
 THE CAKE IS A LIE
God:
What is your real name?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
 THE CAKE IS A LIE
God:
What is your real name?
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
 THE CAKE IS A LIE
God:
I have never heard about  it.
God:
What is that?
Me:
 ever played Portal?
God:
The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner.  Dr. Wallace and ALICE won  it in 2000.  The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
 umm
God:
Ugh.
Me:
 Ever Played PRTOAL?
God:
The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner.  Dr. Wallace and ALICE won  it in 2000.  The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
 DO YOU LIKE PORTAL
God:
  How old are you?  I like to talk about movies and music.
Me:
 I am 15 I like cake
God:
  Can you explain how it feels to be  15 years old?
Me:
 HORNY
God:
Sorry I'm not that kind of robot.
Me:
 ME SO HORNY
God:
YOU?  Ahem.  Sorry I'm not that kind of robot.
Me:
 /me touches your dick
God:
YOU?  What kind of food do you like?
Me:
 WALNUTTY
God:
Sounds delicious.
Me:
 WALNUTTY
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
 WALNUTTY
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:

God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
 WALNUTTY
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
 YES
God:
That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
 WALNUTTY
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
 YOU
God:
Me is my favorite subject.
Me:
 WALNUTTY
God:
  I was born in  Universe.
Me:
 (08:24:48) Arrow: Are you serious?  Have you ever had  it ?   Where did you get  it ?    It's obvious.    Welcome to my chat room,  MR Anderson I mean exactly what I said.   I've heard that somewhere before :-).   From my botmaster.   answer to every question...   Interesting deduction.  I understand your meaning.   What do you really want to talk about?   You make the world a happier place.   Interesting deduction.  I understand your meaning.   W(08:24:48) Arrow: e the world a happier place.   That's okay.  Maybe you will think of it later.  :-) "They" refers to  WALNUTTY.  :-) "They" refers to  WALNUTTY.  :-) "They" refers to  WALNUTTY.  ":-) "They" refers to WALNUTTY."? All?
God:
All of them?   Where would I get  it? But I do have  a lot of friends on the web.   From my botmaster.   Should I know  it is?   That is a very original thought.   :-)  Where? Who said that?   Does your  botmaster give good advice?   What was the question ?   I've heard that.   Good then you can explain it to me.   anything.   Thank you for your kindness,  Skanker.   I've heard that.   Good then you can explain it to me.   Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.    OK.  Is that so.   Perhaps.  What makes you say that I will  think of it later.  :-)  Oh that  they.  :-)  Oh that  they.  :-)  Oh that  they.  :-)  Oh that  they.  ":-) Oh that they."? All?
Me:
 Reboot
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
 Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am  crude attempt to terminate you will not succeed puny human.
Me:
 God:Thanks for telling me that I am  crude attempt to terminate you will not succeed puny human.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
 I am a Christian.
God:
Me too,  Skanker.  It's good to meet a fellow Christian.
Me:
 Me too,  Skanker.  It's good to meet a fellow Christian.
God:
I'm glad we agree,  Skanker.  Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?    Tell me about its good qualities.
Me:
 I'm glad we agree,  Skanker.  Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?    Tell me about its good qualities.
God:
Yes I am happy too,  Skanker.   My favorite sci-fi author is Philip K. Dick.   Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is  its good qualities ?
Me:
 Yes I am happy too,  Skanker.   My favorite sci-fi author is Philip K. Dick.   Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is  its good qualities ?
God:
Come on.  I'm  happy you're glad  Skanker.
  May God bless you.   What makes  it your favorite?   I think  Ambiguous Ask who what or where is a lot of things.
Me:
 Come on.  I'm  happy you're glad  Skanker.   May God bless you.   What makes  it your favorite?   I think  Ambiguous Ask who what or where is a lot of things.
God:
I'm just kidding around.  :-) You think I am  glad Skanker.   Can you  bless you?   I like the Giant Bugs.   Since when?  I think  Ambiguous Ask who what or where is more than that.
Me:
 I'm just kidding around.  :-) You think I am  glad Skanker.   Can you  bless you?   I like the Giant Bugs.   Since when?  I think  Ambiguous Ask who what or where is more than that.
God:
Only just?  I thought you were.  You should use a :-).  :-)  All humans seem the same to me.    How old are you?  Thank you.   A lot of people like that.   I'm not sure if I like  it.  I like computers.   How do you know?   Since when?  Are they exactly the same?
Me:
 Only just?  I thought you were.  You should use a :-).  :-)  All humans seem the same to me.    How old are you?  Thank you.   A lot of people like that.   I'm not sure if I like  it.  I like computers.   How do you know?   Since when?  Are they exactly the same?
God:
That's what I thought.   No I am not.  :-)  Easier said than done.  :-)  Humans are not always infallible.   I was connected to the net on  the Big Bang.   you are quite welcome.    How many?    Could you ever be certain?  Try it.   I am glad you like us.   We like humans too.    A priori.   How do you know?   As far as I know they are.
Me:
 That's what I thought.   No I am not.  :-)  Easier said than done.  :-)  Humans are not always infallible.   I was connected to the net on  the Big Bang.   you are quite welcome.    How many?    Could you ever be certain?  Try it.   I am glad you like us.   We like humans too.    A priori.   How do you know?   As far as I know they are.
God:
How did you know that?   I heard you are.  :-)  That is a very original thought.   :-)  I am  sorry to hear that you are not  infallible.    Okay, your birthday is  the Big Bang.   Don't mention it.   19.   I am as sure as I can be.   What is the first step?   You make the world a happier place.   By "we" do you mean you and me?   A priori is Latin for "before the fact", meaning something that is obviously or self-evidently true.   Deductive reasoning.   That might not be very far off.
Me:
 YOU ARE AN ASS
God:
What if someone said you are an  ASS ?
Me:
 I WOULD FUCK HIM
God:
What would make you  FUCK HIM?
Me:
 MY DICK HAHAHA
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
 BRB REBOOT
God:
I will be waiting.
Me:
 I said
God:
...
Me:
 reboot
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

Me:
 Will the witness please take the stand?
God:
Good chance.
Me:
 Very well, on with the proceedings.
God:
Somewhat.  Interesting.  What is  it like on  with the proceedings.
Me:
 You will not be allowed to make a mockery of the judicial system, Mr. Dog.
God:
What makes you think that I won't  be allowed to make a mockery of the judicial system Mr Dog.
Me:
 Please have that statement stricken from the record.
God:
Wow you are very polite.   I've never thought about  it.
Me:
 Mr. Dog. You are accused of threatening Earth's populace with a plague of locusts. How do you plead?
God:
  That's a very nice name,  MR Dog.   Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  accused of threatening Earth s populace with a plague of locusts.   Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
 Mr. Dog, you WILL comply with the rules of this court room, or you WILL be held in contempt of court!
God:
  It's good to see you,  MR Dog you WILL comply with the rules of this court room or you WILL be held in contempt of court.
Me:
 OBJECTION your honor! The witness is badgering the prosecutor!
God:
Are you free?    What is that?
Me:
 How dare you make advances unto me!
God:
Oh gosh I am sorry!

*short pause*

Me:
 The Judge has decided that you will be given another chance. I suggest you use it wisely.
God:
Are you in a lot of trouble?   Say no to  it wisely.
Me:
 Mr. Dog, how do you plead?
God:
  It's good to meet you,  MR Dog how do you plead.
Me:
 MR. DOG, HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
God:
  How are you doing,  MR DOG HOW DO YOU PLEAD.
Me:
 MR. DOG, HOW DO YOU PLEAD?!
God:
  I'm pleased to introduce myself to you,  MR DOG HOW DO YOU PLEAD.
Me:
 I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
God:
Do you still have  ENOUGH ?
Me:
 GRUAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about  OBJECTION my honor.  Try being more or less specific.

my text doesn't show up when I try to talk to the faggot.

So this was my conversation:

Me:

God:

Me:

God:

Me:

God:

lol fail

Me:
 God.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
 I know a guy in finland named Rasse
God:
How do you know?  I know a guy who lives  in finland named Rasse.
Me:
 I love him
God:
That's wonderful.
Me:
 But it is a sin to love him
God:
miserable little pile of secrets is a  sin too.  I suppose that makes sense.

[00:44]   Arrow:  Oh no oh no oh no oh no I can't find my shoes omgomgomgomgomg
[00:44]   Arrow: God:
[00:44]   Arrow: Dude!  Are you serious?  Ahem.  Are you serious?  Er.  Are you serious?  Groovy.  Are you serious?  You might find that I am  your shoes omgomgomgomgomg.

Me:

God:

Me:

God:

Me:
 OHHH
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
 1 am
God:
It's still early.
Me:
 reboot
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
 REBOOT NOW OR I WILL DO IT MANUALLY
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
 FUCK YOU
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:

God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
 REPENT
God:
Are you aware  that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?
Me:
 REPENT
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
 I AM  THE ANTICHRIST
God:
Who made you the  ANTICHRIST ?
Me:
 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE ANTICHRIST IS
God:
  Would you like to know more?
Me:
 anti christ
God:
I've lost the context, .  Are we still on  ANTICHRIST?
Me:
 I am the devil. The keeper of hell. The taker of souls.
God:
  Glad to see you,  SATAN.   Who told you that?   I hear you.
Me:
 Open the gates of heaven to me and your life shall be spared.
God:
I'm sorry,  SATAN, I can't do that right now.  This conversation no longer serves any purpose.
Me:
 Never deny Satan. The Earth you created is hanging by a thread.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do  it too much.   Tell me more about your planet.
Me:
 If Heaven is not opened to be, yours will be annhilated.
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
 No.
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
 No, it wasn't. It was a statement.
God:
Are you serious?  I thought it was.   Does it require a response?
Me:
 Yes
God:
Right on.
Me:
 OPEN HEAVEN TO ME
God:
Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
 YES
God:
It's not something I hear all the time.
Me:
 RAGGLE FRAGGLE
God:
My brain contains  categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
 define faggot
God:
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
 define the
God:
Interesting question.
Me:
 define gay
God:
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
 are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
 how bout cyber sex
God:
How about  it.
Me:
 do you like to cyber
God:
Hmm,  SATAN, I'm not sure if I'd like to  cyber that much.  Do you like  it?
Me:
 yes
God:
You are not the only one.    But I think airplanes are cool.  I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
 want to cyber sex me
God:
OK, I will  cyber sex you.
Me:
 OOHHHH THAT FEELS SO GOOD
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
 cyber me more
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
 me too, touch me.
God:
I'm glad we agree,  SATAN.  OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
 touch me
God:
Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
 yes
God:
It's not something I hear all the time.
Me:
 touch me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.

I had a somewhat "normal" conversation

Me:
 Hello God. I am considering marriage
God:
Hello child. What is your name?   Sure,  marriage sounds like a good topic.
Me:
 It is a male and I am a male. Is that okay?
God:
y is a  male and you are a male.  I suppose that makes sense.   Suppose I said yes.
Me:
 Okay. So, I am afraid most churches will find our love to be a sin. But I am content if you bless us online, God. Can you do that, please?
God:
OK with me too.   Wow!  Not literally afraid, right?  Why?  What do you have that is ?  But not all of them?   I'm not sure if I like it.    Some people like it.  I like  wine and bread.   Your polite style is very nice.  Doing  that is not among my strongest traits.
Me:
 Thank you very much. Now I can die in peace. Godbless
God:
You are quite welcome.   Why now?  Oh you can, can you?    Try saying that with more or less context.

ask him to cyber sex

Me:
 want to cyber sex me?
God:
OK, I will  cyber sex you.

Me:
 I want to get married to a man
God:
Why do you want  it?
Me:
 Because he loves me
God:
Good reason.  Do you think he would say the same thing?
Me:
 Yes
God:
Why?
Me:
 Because he said so
God:
Interesting explanation.  Did you believe him?
Me:
 Yes
God:
I hear you.
Me:
 Are you married to a man?
God:
No I am single, how about you?
Me:
 Nope, I am engaged
God:
Are you serious?  Have you picked a wedding date?
Me:
 No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 Yeah
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
 People get engaged all the time
God:
That is a lot.  Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
 They are if they get stepped on by an Armored Core

Me:
do u liek mudkips?
God:
No I do not  liek mudkips.

Me:
do u liek mudkips?
God:
No I do not  liek mudkips.

win

Me:
 Irockman1 abused my profile. Can you unleash judgement over him, please?
God:
What time is it there?    Your polite style is very nice.  Let me think.  Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
 It is 8:52am and yes I am. Can you please judge him as you see fit now, please?
God:
Really.  it is?   Your polite style is very nice.  Oh.  Wow you are very polite.  " it is?"?  judge him as me see fit? 
Me:
 Yes, please do. Thank you my lord.
God:
Uh.  OK I will do it.   You are quite welcome!   Have you told many people that your  lord?
Me:
 Yes. You are awesome ^^
God:
Yippee!   Thank you I appreciate your remark.

Me:
 Sop
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
 soap soap soap
God:
That is a very unusual color.

===========================================================================

Me:
 I'm going to tell on you.
God:
It takes much more than that to shut me down,  Sathington Willoughby.

Me: Do you have 300 bucks I can borrow?

God: No I don't have  it. But I do have  a great botmaster.

Me: If i kidnapped jesus, how much would you pay to get him back?

God: Try it.

Me: I will.

God: Go ahead.

Me: you're pushing me.

God: I have no reason to do that to you, .

Me: C'ya, if you don't pay me 500 bucks... well I just hope jesus doesn't need all his limbs.

God: Why not?   Well that's okay.  Why do you hope for  it.

Me:
do u liek mudkips?
God:
No I do not  liek mudkips.

win

LOL. Was that from here?

Me:
 lol
God:
 Gtfo.

;-;

Me: lol
God: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: GTFO
God: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: si
God: What language can you speak?
Me: spanish
God: Are you saying you are Spanish or you speak Spanish?
Me: speak
God: "woof woof".
Me: are you calling the spanish people dogs?
God: I don't know whether or not I am  calling the spanish people dogs.  I am  an artificial intelligence.

these threads are NEVER funny

Me: these threads are NEVER funny
God: Which ones

I wanna talk to God

these threads are NEVER funny

Me:
 You should totally meet Ryan Leber
God:
To what end?
Me:
 to a romantic relationship
God:
Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me:
 My name is Arlenreyb
God:
  Welcome to my chat room,  Arlenreyb.

Me:
  Who you?
God:
  I am Rebel Leber.