[Writing] Ray of Sunshine

I'm going with a new approach entirely for the short story submission...
And it's a new theme - Love.
In a...non-traditional sense.

I admit this was...very hard to get through.
And it's 3k words. XD


This is based on a true story.

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Ray of Sunshine

Theme - Love

Spoiler for:

I woke in my bed, head turned sideways just over my pillow to directly stare outside my bedroom window. The sunlight was bright and gleaming, with the clouds just drifting softly along in a pastel blue. I could see the grass blowing in the hills, and the oak trees gently rustling near the horses as they grazed.
How beautiful it was.

I smiled to myself briefly as a thought passed over me.
Oh, good, I do think the day is beautiful.
Seemed the constant depression day after day had finally settled some.
That is until I got up to do my schoolwork for the day.
Homeschooling.
What a wonderful way to have your life pass you by.

I sat at my Slimline HP computer for a few hours, struggling with the same Geometry problem with no hope of understanding it. It was always such a pain to have no teacher, a poorly designed program for learning, and then have to try e-mailing Mrs. Who-Knows-Who from half the USA away just to have her answer a single question that stumped you.
I was frustrated. I wasn't learning anything.
It did me no good to explain to my parents how hard it was for me to get this material down. All that would earn me was a mildly concerned, "Oh, sweetie, just try a little harder. You'll get it!", from my mom and a completely demoralizing, "You'll never land a job in Animation if you can't even do Math! You're not smart enough!", from my father.
 
I growled at the feeling of failure that stung in my chest.
I clicked the 'X' in the school curriculum window, scrolled over my desktop to the 'Computer' icon, and then began to sift through the programs until I found the Alpha Omega folder that contained all the information and coding that went into my high-tech operating education.
Lessons. Quizzes. Tests.
And correct answers to all of them.
Now, I smiled a little.
Really, Dad? Not smart enough??


Solving the school issue for the remaining of the year (and probably until time to get my GED), I then rewarded my efforts with lunch at my computer as I went onto the internet by dial-up to search the forums and go through my personal e-mails.
I wrote on role-playing stories for the next five hours with the only people I could call my friends, posted a few new artistic drawings, and then planned on ending my time on the PC by deleting my old spam from my Yahoo! Mail.
I was surprised when I saw an e-mail titled 'Hello, Brittany, I'm Reagen!' in my mailbox.
Who?, I thought.
I hesitantly clicked on the message.


Hello, Brittany, I'm Reagen!

You don't know me, but I'm a friend of your cousin Hailee. She told me all about you, your art, your stories, and that you like playing video games, too! I just thought we had a lot in common and that maybe we could be friends also, so Hailee gave me your e-mail! 
I hope you're OK with that? If not, it's totally cool and whatevs.


I smiled.
I hit the 'Reply' button and wrote out a message of my own.
He sounds nice enough... Maybe he will join my forum?, I thought.



_ _ _


A year later...




I refreshed the page for an update on my forum to see that '1 New Message' icon at the top corner.
A smile formed on my face. I knew it would be him.
I opened the message and read.

BREE!
I just got done taking your Life Quiz and I did soooooo bad! Well, 60% is better than half, but it could have been better. Should have been better. :[
But I thought of something while I was taking it. You have been such a cool friend and you're always honest and open about everything, so I feel really bad about what I'm about to say.
I lied to you when we met about me being 13yrs when I was actually only 12yrs at the time. My Birthday is coming up in September, so I WILL be 13yrs soon. I just thought you wouldn't want to be friends if you knew I was 3yrs younger than you.
Are you mad at me?
I'm really sorry and I hope you forgive me!


I laughed.
Silly boy, I thought.
I then replied back in a message.


Haha, Ray, you are so funny!
You honestly thought I would be mad at you? That's hilarious! :3
I guess I forgive you, but I'm really not mad at all, OK? I get along with everyone of all ages, younger or older than me! I'm 15yrs old and you are about to be 13yrs, that's NOT that big of a difference. You didn't have to be worried about your age to be my friend.
And we'll always be friends. :3

Oh, but the 60% on my quiz... Haha, you'll have to try harder next time! ;]



_ _ _


3 years later... 


I put my Ford Explorer into park near the sidewalk and got out quickly to race over the driveway to the front door of the two-story brick house. I was shaking with anticipation, excited, fixing my hair there in the glass of the door just before I saw his shadow approach to answer.
"Bree! One second, hold on!", I heard his muffled voice over barking dogs, and I saw the silhouette of him shooing one away back into the dark living room.
I broke into a laugh, now holding the cupcakes I had in my hands up to the glass.
"Ray, I can't eat these cupcakes alone, so you better hurry and help me!", I called back.
"OoOoooo! Cupcakes!"

The door then opened wide with a welcoming hug, and a few very pleased dogs, too.
Ray took me by the hand and led me in quickly, taking me up the stairs to his room where we sat down on the floor and began the taste testing of the chocolate cupcakes.

"These..are..SO good!", Ray spoke between bites, licking his fingers after.
I beamed back at this as I finished my cupcake, too.
"Yeah, I figured you could use some goodies after you've been sick for the past few months", I replied, sprawling out on his carpet floor, looking over to his computer screen to see a Mage character on World of Warcraft. "I see you have been playing more lately, too, since you were home a lot from school."
I looked a little closer at his character to see it been upgraded with better armor.
"Have you been doing dungeons with your friend Alex? Without me?"
Ray nodded energetically, getting up with arms spread out wide, and then plopping down in his chair as he spun around in a 360. 
"Yeah! It's awesome, Breesa!", he said, turning his character named Rastabaan around for me to see. "Alex showed me where to go next so I can take you with me. It'll be exciting!"

I stared up at the ceiling now with a blissful feeling.
"Did you just call me Breesa? That's kinda cute."
"You like it? I like it. It just came to me!"
I laughed again, smiling ear to ear.
Did he just give me a pet name?, I thought.
There was a moment where I believed I was being silly.
We were friends. That was all.
Right?

I decided to test him, just to be sure.
"So, when do I get to meet Alex anyway? I thought you told me before that he lived fairly close. It would be nice to have another friend outside the internet. I mean, we met and became stuck like glue!"
There was a brief pause now.
"Yeeeeah... No. I don't think so", Ray answers from over at the PC.
I finally leaned up slowly off the floor, now looking at him.
"Why not? He's your friend, right?"
Ray made a face at me.
"He is, but I don't like the way he acts sometimes. I mean, you're cool and awesome, and you like Warcraft... Alex just hits on anything with a heartbeat, and I--"
He was still talking, but his voice blurred in my head.
I was still hung up on what I heard him say, between the lines, the implied hidden message.
I love you, and I don't want Alex to get in the way.


I exited his house later that night, walking back to my car.
I got in the driver's seat, looked out over the streets, and found a fluttering feeling in my heart.
I don't want to go home, I thought. Not now when I know... Because I think I love you, too.


_ _ _


4 years later...



I walked across the college campus towards the Student Lounge, excited and jittery inside as I held my cell phone in hand and reading his text message to meet him for lunch between classes.
There was things I wanted to tell him. School was never my first priority anyway.

I found him sitting on a bench with a candybar in one hand and a book in the other.
Ray perked up as soon as he saw me sitting next to him.
"Breesa! Guess what happened in History class today?"
I smiled at that sunshine expression he always gave me.
"Haha, what? Tell me everything!"
He bounced in his seat, waved his hands around as he spoke of once great settlements in our country, and his enthusiasm made me enjoy listening to something about history when I had no prior interest in any of it.
I smiled warmly when he finished.
He looked at my dark olive eyes now, and I knew he saw something there.
"What is it, Bree?"

I now looked down away from him. It was time.
I had waited years for this moment.
"Rayman, I just wanted you to know that I have never known anyone else like you. You're fun, and happy, and when I'm with you I feel so good about myself. I don't have to hear all the bad things my dad has told me, I don't have to believe all that anymore. I feel an amazing light feeling when you're around, and when you're not I just feel empty."
He was quiet, so I now looked at him and noticed his speckled auburn eyes.
That gaze holding me still... I couldn't have said what needed to be said without it.
"What I mean to say is... I care for you deeply. I do. I have for some time now, and I just didn't want to push you away if you weren't ready. I know I'm older than you, but I really don't care about that. I just wanted you to know. That's all."
Ray was still as a statue.
Shocked. Bewildered.
In awe of me.
"Th-Thank you, Breesa... That was very brave of you!"

I wanted to smile at him, but something was off.
I had expected... More. More of an answer.
Maybe there was more he wanted to say. Maybe he was just overwhelmed at the moment.
"I should go before class starts...", I then said, clearly making an excuse for my escape from his lingering stare.
He then snapped back to here and now.
"Right! You're right! We should both get going..."
I nodded, turned to leave, and then called back to him before heading across the lunch hall.
"Later, Rayman!"


_ _ _


2 years later...



Boredom had overcome me, so I walked into my sister's room with a yawn as I sought her company.
Shelley was laying in her bed, eyes glued to her cell phone.
I came over to sit on her bedside, dangling my legs off the edge of her unusually tall mattress.
"Whatcha doin', Shell?", I asked.
"Looking at Facebook. Seeing what everyone is up to."
I nodded as my eyes drifted downward to the floor.
"Anything interesting you see?"
There was a short pause, and then Shelley sighed somewhat downcast.
"Have you seen this picture? This picture of Ray and this guy??"

I looked over my shoulder to see Shelley showing me her phone.
There was a picture of Ray. Ray and... Someone. A friend, I thought.
"Doesn't this picture look a little strange to you?", my sister added.
I looked closer.
Ray and his friend were taking a selfie outside in the city park, and they were up close enough to where their foreheads touched, with smiles on their faces as they snapped the picture.
Shelley took her phone back, looking hard at the photo.
"Do you think...that Ray is...?"
I felt a threatening suggestion enter my head.
"That Ray is what?", I snapped.

I noticed Shelley was now scrolling through Facebook again.
"There is nothing odd about Ray's page on here, but he was tagged in that photo by a Cal Wetzer", I then heard her say, like some police detective closing in on a case. "If this Cal is anything like most Facebook users, then he wouldn't have thought to put security blocks on his page. I bet I can see everything on his profile even though we don't know him."
There was another pause, then I saw her face go still.
Shelley looked up at me.
"Bree... It says as a status that Cal Wetzer is in a relationship with Reagen Braski..."


I got up immediately and went straight back into my room.
I couldn't look at her, or that phone, or that damn photo any longer.
Tears streamed down my face endlessly, a terrible breaking feeling inside me as I felt my heart shatter into pieces.
H-How could this be?, I thought to myself. He was my Ray of Sunshine, my Rayman, and I was his Breesa.
I thought he loved me!
He can't be--I mean, he just never seemed like--
I cried in all my sorrow as all the possibilities of what we could have been were suddenly out of reach.
There would be no love in the darkness. No Mr. and Mrs. Braski, either. 
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have not seen it?
I grew angry with myself. All that time perusing him was now just a waste.
Why?, I thought. Ray, why? Why didn't you just tell me?!

Suddenly, my phone buzzed on my small bedside table.
I went over in my haze to gently pick it up and view the screen to see...
It was Ray! He was messaging me...

Hey, Breesa...
Shelley just texted me. It's all OK. It's all good.
I'm sorry that you had to find out that through Facebook, I was just scared to tell you guys. I didn't want you both to think any less of me. I love you two like family, and I'm still the same Ray, I'm still your best friend! :]
Nothin's different.
I know it's sudden and I wish I could have told you guys in person, but it's not an easy thing to talk about. :[


I could barely see the screen as I sobbed uncontrollably, agony carving a hole in my heart.
Still, I typed back.

I don't think any less of you at all. I think you're wonderful, and handsome, and fun, and I loved you so much over these past 6yrs. I thought maybe the timing was just not right.
I thought maybe...you loved me, too, but as time went by it started making less sense.
I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough, or exciting enough, or something...
I feel angry with myself.
And I'm upset that you would think I wouldn't understand! You should have told me!!

Know this always: there is nothing you can do to make me hate you, or think less of you, or even stop loving you - even now when that love has to become...different.
I am still your friend. You can always talk to me about anything you want!
I'm just so...heartbroken at the moment...


My phone buzzed in my hand again, and a brilliant white message appeared before me with his response.


I'm sorry, Breesa...
I know I could've talked to you about it. Please, don't be upset!
It's not at all that you're not pretty enough or not exciting. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met.
Inside and out.
My body just works in a different way. :[

We need to go out with Shelley and have a fun time soon, OK?
Maybe I can make this all up to you.


I was still painfully crying, but I could hear his sweet voice even now as I read the message.
He couldn't love me the way I wanted him to, but...
I was still the most beautiful girl to him.
I couldn't help but smile. Even just a little.

Well... At least I got to hear you say that I'm beautiful...
It's OK.
I love you so much, and it's how I love my mom and Shelley - unconditionally. You have my full heart and loyalty.
Sincerely.
Always.
Heh... I've always wanted a brother in my life. Maybe I can settle for that for now. :3



Thank you, Breesa.
Genuinely.
You have mine as well.



_ _ _


A month later...


I woke up in my bed. I rolled over on my side and did a quick check to see if I thought fondly of the outdoors again.
The day was beautiful, just as it should have been.
And then I thought of him.
My own Ray of Sunshine.

I grabbed my phone.

Hey, I just realized something!
I forgot to tell you, that no matter what, I support you. Shelley got to tell you that, but I was just too sad before to even think about how all this makes you feel.
You are more brave than you think to face me with an apology for my feelings.
No man has ever apologized to me.
Ever.

But back to my point...
You will always have me in your life if you want me in it. Your choices I respect and could never think badly of you. I am admittedly a little sad that I couldn't be more to you than your friend, yeah, but I willingly and happily will be your best friend and be that person you can come to with anything if you need me.
You always have so far, right? :]
So, please, don't feel like you've crushed me or anything, I'm pretty strong, and I want to be there for you because I do still love you more than I can explain.

Whoever you choose, though, better love you more than I do because otherwise I just don't think they deserve you. ;]
And someday I will find someone perhaps - they better be prepared, too, because now I know how much more I have to feel about them!
I am your best friend, Rayman.
I have your back.
Always. :3

My heart just crumbled. Nice job breaking it, hero. I need a minute, that hurt.

Okay. First the academics. I was a little put off by the first, oh, two and a half paragraphs because of the grindy start. It felt like driving a manual transmission car with someone who has never done so before- I get the impression you were struck by inspiration and didn't know exactly where to begin. Alternatively, you had a very good idea of what you wanted to say, but the how was in question. I'm leaning toward the latter; many stories that come from such a tender place have a solid middle but lack a catchy beginning or end.

 There was some really nice imagery in the first paragraph, though, and I was pleasantly surprised to realise that despite the sputtery style, I was seeing the world through your eyes. Hmm. Okay, reading on...

Oh, what a dickhole thing for a father to say to his daughter! Now I'm really interested. Ah, a cheater, huh? Better living through internet piracy! Very good. At this point the style becomes MUCH smoother.

Here's where it gets good. You built up a lot of anticipation with the relationship between you and the young man, and I had no idea what I was in for. True, I thought the kid was a little... feminine, perhaps immature, but I figured it was because of the ages involved- thaty maybe he was just that open with you, and his inner child wasn't ashamed to come out.

Little did I know that this was a 2000 word and 8 year setup to what I can only describe as having unknowingly pulled a razor blade across your heart. I expected a syrupy, sappy ending, but what I got was the life altering pain of heartbreak, the exquisite agony of having loved for so long and finding out that it was for NOTHING! Oh, how the scars on my own heart resonated with the tears you shed! I wanted to do something to make it better, I wanted you dad to come in and comfort you somehow, I wanted...I wanted to not feel the stinging bullets of fresh grief you had just fired into my chest!

The best part (or shall I say most delightfully excruciating) was when you decided to be a supportive friend at the last. That's grace under fire, my friend, and it was written in such a way that it was not only believable, but gut wrenchingly real. It was a crossroads I think everyone has been at at some time in their lives- perhaps slightly different circumstances, perhaps on the other side, but we have ALL seen that ground- and bled there.

THIS is what the Short Story Challenge is about. THIS is the kind of work that gets put in the compilation. So for what it may be worth to you,

Now do it again.

My heart just crumbled. Nice job breaking it, hero. I need a minute, that hurt.

Okay. First the academics. I was a little put off by the first, oh, two and a half paragraphs because of the grindy start. It felt like driving a manual transmission car with someone who has never done so before- I get the impression you were struck by inspiration and didn't know exactly where to begin. Alternatively, you had a very good idea of what you wanted to say, but the how was in question. I'm leaning toward the latter; many stories that come from such a tender place have a solid middle but lack a catchy beginning or end.

 There was some really nice imagery in the first paragraph, though, and I was pleasantly surprised to realise that despite the sputtery style, I was seeing the world through your eyes. Hmm. Okay, reading on...

Oh, what a dickhole thing for a father to say to his daughter! Now I'm really interested. Ah, a cheater, huh? Better living through internet piracy! Very good. At this point the style becomes MUCH smoother.

Here's where it gets good. You built up a lot of anticipation with the relationship between you and the young man, and I had no idea what I was in for. True, I thought the kid was a little... feminine, perhaps immature, but I figured it was because of the ages involved- thaty maybe he was just that open with you, and his inner child wasn't ashamed to come out.

Little did I know that this was a 2000 word and 8 year setup to what I can only describe as having unknowingly pulled a razor blade across your heart. I expected a syrupy, sappy ending, but what I got was the life altering pain of heartbreak, the exquisite agony of having loved for so long and finding out that it was for NOTHING! Oh, how the scars on my own heart resonated with the tears you shed! I wanted to do something to make it better, I wanted you dad to come in and comfort you somehow, I wanted...I wanted to not feel the stinging bullets of fresh grief you had just fired into my chest!

The best part (or shall I say most delightfully excruciating) was when you decided to be a supportive friend at the last. That's grace under fire, my friend, and it was written in such a way that it was not only believable, but gut wrenchingly real. It was a crossroads I think everyone has been at at some time in their lives- perhaps slightly different circumstances, perhaps on the other side, but we have ALL seen that ground- and bled there.

THIS is what the Short Story Challenge is about. THIS is the kind of work that gets put in the compilation. So for what it may be worth to you,

Now do it again.

I cried all through writing that, and I cried all day today.
And I've cried a whole lot more before now.

I am very pleased, though, that you approve.
In fact, since you've now had a taste of what my father is like towards me, I appreciate this beyond your imagining. :3



Yeah, the beginning was definitely a slug... But it almost fits perfectly because that was just how dull, empty, and depressing my life was at the time of that first section. I had a hard time also writing in that hollow mindset again, since I try desperately to NOT ever feel like that. XD
But I see what you're saying. ;]

Oh, and now you know... I've cheated in school. 

Spoiler for:

Halfway through this... I almost didn't continue.
I really felt it all come back at once, and the finishing only just ended for me personally about 3 months ago.
Anyone that has ever truly loved knows that isn't long enough to heal - or maybe never will heal.

Spoiler for:

And today I let Ray read this story.
You'll be happy to know that he, too, approves. :3

 

Scars have a way of staying bitter, kiddo. But it makes you tough. Good to know Ray approves as well, and that's huge that you have the strength to let him in on it so soon.

"5/5 Stars, would read again" - yuyubabe

Oh my god I wish I had read this sooner. This is simply amazing, and by far my favorite of your works. And that's saying something. I like all of your stuff. I thought maybe that it was my bias, because I've heard about him a lot from you in person, but I had no idea. Wow. Just wow. That was a beautiful story, and I think the way you explained everything was PERFECT. This belongs in the compilation.

Holy crap, now I'm starting to tear up. I had no idea that you went through all of this, Bree. I mean, I knew about your confession to him, but everything afterwards was new to me.

Your story is both beautiful and heart-breaking. It's practical, yet interesting. You've taken so many things and made them work, girl. And man am I impressed.

I also found the beginning to be a lot slower than the rest of the story, but I was still interested from the get-go, because it was your personal story, so I knew it was going to be good. But I'll be honest, you totally shocked me with just how amazing this is. And when you said this:

But it almost fits perfectly because that was just how dull, empty, and depressing my life was at the time of that first section.

You're totally right that it depicts the situation well. That changed my mind on the intro.

To have pursued someone for that long? I don't think I know another person with as much heart and dedication as you, Bree. <3 The way you handled the situation was incredible, as well. You could have done what any other person would have done: exploded into a mess of drama and said that you never wanted to see him again. But you didn't. You remained a good, strong, loyal friend.

And THAT, Bree, is why you are awesome.

* Queen yuyubabe offers a million hugs.

Yeah, I couldn't have told you anything while we worked together before because I just had no idea at the time myself.
And I thought being out in Texas for 2yrs might make me give up loving him, maybe even just a little...
But it didn't.
Couldn't.

Because I thought there was a chance for us when I got back.

And when I got back...
Then I found out.


It's because I love Ray so much that I can't walk away, or be angry with him, or choose not to support him.
I don't feel any of the bitter, vengeful, jealous, or even judgmental feelings that most people have after a breakup or something like this, even though I thought myself that it was odd that I didn't!
I'm really, truly ok with how it ended if it had to end. I WANT him to be happy.
And Ray knows how I feel, he even got to read this himself...
And he loved it. :3



I am also incredibly surprised that both you and M00s loved this story.
Not because of the story, but because I had so much...conflict and mixed feelings writing this that I didn't even know HOW it would quite splutter out. ^^'

But it DOES tell me what to write next.

Spoiler for:

I guess I thought I always had a very BORING life, too...
Perhaps I may be wrong. :3

Spoiler for:

And those text messages are still painful to read... But I'm glad I had them so I could write our story.

Bree, you are NOT boring at all. o.o Actually, you are quite the opposite!

I've never known someone that comes off so shy (ish) in person, just to see you straight up tell a guy: "Hey, I like you." It shows that you really ARE a brave person!

Well, wasn't that my psychic type?
Emotional.

I am kinda shy, but when if you've earned my love I will certainly tell you. :3
For the record: that was NOT the only time I told him how I felt. I was good at reminding him. :3

Awwwwww! ;_; That's adorable. And it kinda depresses me now that I know the whole story...

I didn't know that all of this happened after life in Texas. o.o Whoa...has it really been that long? Man, it feels like just yesterday that you were here.

Also, I've been meaning to ask...did you fill in the blanks of the messages between you two, or was that exactly what the messages said? If you still had those or remembered them, then that's pretty impressive!

I know with personal stories, sometimes you have to fill in the blanks a bit, because memories can get kinda hazy.

Also, I've been meaning to ask...did you fill in the blanks of the messages between you two, or was that exactly what the messages said? If you still had those or remembered them, then that's pretty impressive!

I know with personal stories, sometimes you have to fill in the blanks a bit, because memories can get kinda hazy.

I had to fill in some blanks from the first e-mail he sent me back when we were kids.
But the forum message... No, that was something I kept.
In fact, I have a lot of forum messages I've kept because back then, before I got into college, I had a life with absolutely no friends and I never had a real friend until I finally met Ray himself. :3
And then you came along, too, Deanna. ^^

The text messages I kept also and they basically inspired this story.
Having them to look at when I think of him is painful but also reminding me that he does love me to the fullest in an entirely different way. If we didn't love each other unconditionally, I wouldn't have the courage to show him this story to begin with and he would have been angry with me for writing it.
But we both love our friendship, so I never had to worry.
And that makes me love him more. :3

(I feel bad for the future man that will try to win my heart... They have a LOT to go up against. XD)

(I feel bad for the future man that will try to win my heart... They have a LOT to go up against. XD)

You TELL em, gurl! B) *z-snaps*

But hearing you talk about how much you guys love each other is really inspiring! ;_; That's one strong bond!

You always hear "write what you know" and you did. And it worked fabulously.  I can't really add too much to what M00s and yuyubabe have said. My heart aches for you and thank you for sharing a very difficult part of your life with us. 

Spoiler for:

And as a homeschooling mom can I just say that alpha and omega is the freaking WORST. Ugg.. Bless your heart ;_; 

 

Thank you, Jules.
And, you know, after sharing this and having other people (including Ray himself) see this part of my life, it really has helped me have some [desperately needed] closure.
The chapter of being in love with Ray can end, and new chapter of our friendship can begin. :3

Spoiler for:

And yes, that particular homeschooling program I would NOT recommend to anyone.
Al all.
Ever. XD

Thank you everyone for your support, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. ^^
My next story should be even better!