[Writing] Together Again

This is very, very short, only 230ish words. The theme is Obsession. Hopefully it isn't terrible, please enjoy.

Spoiler for:

The sun is boiling above me, a hateful burning blight in a crystal clear sky. My knees and stomach are raw from the miles I have traveled with these useless legs, and my hands are gnarled, worn and calloused from the mountains I have climbed to be with you. I cannot stop. I will not stop. Not until I am by your side once again.

Nothing can halt my progress. The trail left by your weary feet has led me over mountains, through ruins and jungles, across a desert and past countless cities. While you slept, I carried on my journey, resting for only precious moments, just enough to continue onward to you. Day or night, I did not falter in my devotion to finding you.

Until, finally, after what seems like years of endless wandering, I hear your voice. You are laughing, full of good cheer, your beautiful laugh ringing out into the night. My heart swells with joy, and I double my pace. When at last I reach your side, a place I have longed to be for so long, you are sleeping, resting peacefully as the moon and stars dance above us. Gently, I pull on the covers that wrap around you, and you blink awake, mumbling a name I do not recognise. Seeing your face again, your perfect, flawless face, makes me yell with delight. Except my lungs have long since dried into husks, my throat was torn open eons ago and all that comes out, is a low, steady groan.

Short-but-sweet. I like it!

The writing itself is pretty good! I don't know why you were worried! B) You used grammar just fine as far as I could see, and I wasn't at all confused by the structure. I had no trouble following it along!

I was just a little confused by the ending, though. I just kinda guessed it was more detail into her pain, but my brain isn't exactly functioning right now. But everything else seemed to flow quite nicely! In fact, I liked the use of short, to-the-point detail! It was very suiting!

Woah. She's fucking dead!

Talk about a 3 paragraph setup to a below the belt punch... they way you describe the devotion is so endearing, and it never goes over the top. It seems so sweet and noble, untill you realise she's been at it so long and neglected herself till the point of deafth! And then the chill runs up one's spine...

On a more acedemic level, it's nice to see writing from someone who has such a command of English. It was pristine.

If this is shit writing, then I apparrently have no taste because I loved it.

...Oh!

That makes sense. Maybe I'm just dumb.

Moosey got it in one haha >3< I'm glad you liked it guys, and though it wasn't too clear to a sleepy yuyu, I might write more anyway hehe. I'm actually blushing, I don't think I'm deserving of such compliments >3<

edit;// the intention was also that the entire nature of the story would change after you've read it, and re-reading it would completely change the tone of the story.

Aw, hell no, yuyu! Your brain has a little sand in the gears right now, from what I gather.

I knew you had it in you, Gracie! You deserve the praise!

My heart absolutely melted after reading this, and I mean that in the best way possible. That ending twist was incredible.

And the writing, of course, is great; you worded the narrator's love for the woman so eloquently that I was hooked from the get-go. I'm honestly shocked that you thought it'd be terrible, since now I actually want to read more of what you might have to offer! You know your craft, Uni!

ZOMBIE! ^^

I loved this! :3
It all seems so sweet and surreal until you get to the end, and then you have this intense moment when she finds him, and you know as well as I do then it's not going to end well! XD

Short. Sweet.
Amazing. :3


 

I thought it was a girl searching for a guy... o.o I dunno why lol

Well I'm creeped out in a "I loved this piece of writing" way.

Very good!

I thought it was a girl searching for a guy... o.o I dunno why lol

I suppose the charactwers' genders are interchangable. I just assumed that,since written by a woman, the MC was female.

Besides, dead chix are hot. Well, about room temperature. Okay, not like appealing in a... oh never mind...

I thought it was a girl searching for a guy... o.o I dunno why lol

I suppose the charactwers' genders are interchangable. I just assumed that,since written by a woman, the MC was female.

Besides, dead chix are hot. Well, about room temperature. Okay, not like appealing in a... oh never mind...

The genders of the characters are vague on purpose I didn't really have a gender in mind when I wrote it haha

I thought it was a girl searching for a guy... o.o I dunno why lol

I was like... Yeah, I thought she was searching for a guy also...
And then I looked at what my brain did.
Sorry, I edited my post. I am SO tired after staying up all night. XD

But it was worth it! ;]


But since I initially made a typo throwing people off, it still brings up a nice point that you very well could make the genders interchangeable easily if need be.
And that's a very GOOD thing, imo. :3

This is a prime example of good writing. The length and the setup was just enough to deliver a bait and switch, all tied with together with very eloquent metaphorical writing. I didn't know you had it in you to write so well, as we really haven't seen it before.

You really captured a sense of need for someone, the theme is written in a way that is apparent without being spelled out and too forward. Very well done, would read again.

Read again becuse I like reading it.