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[Writing] "Your Eyes Gave It Away" (Short Scene by B.Williford)

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Level 44
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
I figured since I had such wonderful results last time, I would try to charm you all again with another scene.
Only, this time, this scene actually takes place BEFORE "You Threatened Her...", just so you know.

Aren't time trips fun? XD

This one has the theme Power written all over it.
I hope it helps clarify a little bit, and I hope you enjoy! :3

Word Count: 1078


"Your Eyes Gave It Away"
Theme: Power

Morton City...
Local Bar...

"Hit me again!"

The bartender slid another pint of ice cold beer across the counter, the beverage coasting until it met the eager palm of its buyer.
This would be his fourth glass, and he didn't intend on stopping at just that. He didn't drink for pleasure, or sorrow, or anything at all really. It was just that he was on a brand new world and all his curiosities wanted a taste of it - starting with the food and drinks.
He'd go back to tracking Kyros soon.
For now, it was just time to have some fun!

The young man went on drinking his beverage, listening to all the crowds of people in the bar, and occasionally looking up to view the news on a wide screen television. It was loud inside the bar, but he could still clearly see the reports of a large insect sighting, a broken restaurant, and a clothing store disturbed by a deranged man. He shook his head, just laughing to himself as he realized there was more than just him added to this world.

"What will you have to drink, sir?", the bartender then asks across the room to a newly arriving customer.
The young man pulled his attention away from his drink to observe the newcomer.
"Send over your worst--it'll take a lot to get me buzzed", came a bold answer.

The Avaritian looked over to see the new arrival sitting down at the counter just beside him. It was a man that appeared youthful, maybe only in his early 30's. His body was garbed in solid black - black sleeveless t-shirt, black pocket pants, black boots. He had a sun-touched shade to the skin, dark brown hair, and the most intense green eyes under his designer shades. And, unknowingly to the Avaritian, the fellow sitting next to him was actually a spirit called a Dark Angel.
A Dark Angel that, currently, was very much unrecognizable due to the mysterious loss of his precious, ebony wings.

Titanium, receiving a shot of Devil Springs vodka, quickly threw his head back to down the first of many drinks he intended on having this night, regardless if they had no real effect on him. He would ask for another, and another, sighing there in his seat with relaxation. His emerald eyes scanned the bar from time to time, making eye contact with any and everyone that was brave enough to look back. He found that humans were easily intimidated by his stare, and it was all just fun to send them a scare by one look. A chuckle escaped him, low enough to where only the person sitting beside him could hear it.

The Dark Angel then noticed the purple gaze that had been set on him from the very beginning.
The Avaritian, a human not from this world, and certainly not that fearful, continued to look back even with the green orbs locking on him.
There was a long silence between them as further observations were made.

Titanium studied this gutsy boy next to him.
He had spiked, pale blond hair and tan skin. His mysterious eyes were shielded away by thick shades, eyewear that was recommended for soaring through clouds. The frame of the young man was slim, lean, and had to be around 20yrs old. His clothes looked foreign, as if from distant fantasy land - thick threads, light as a feather, and covering his body for protection. The Dark Angel guessed just from some sort of ornament on his chest that the boy was from an aerial force.

The Avaritian, too, looked over this strikingly intense creature at his side.
The Dark Angel seemed to look perfectly human on the outside, but just through his stare the young man could tell he was a powerful beast full of ferocity. The gaze of Titanium revealed an age that was impossible, as if he had seen this very world be created. He didn't fear the Prince of Darkness, at least not yet, as he nearly came to the conclusion that Titanium was some sort of god that hid among life here on Earth.
Was it possible that greater beings walked other worlds just like Ziarre did in his?

"Keep staring", Titanium finally says, grinning evilly, breaking the silence between them. "If you stare into the darkness long enough, the darkness will stare back at you."
The Avaritian nearly flinched, but with a few drinks in him, he still managed to keep looking at the Dark Angel.
The guest next to him was too astonishing to not stare!
"Sorry, I am offending you?", the young man questions, for once being courteous. "I noticed you were quite different from normal beings."
The prince gave him an intrigued look at this.
The youth pressed on, confident in his deductions.
"Your eyes gave it away", he states firmly, smiling briefly, looking beyond the surface into the very dark heart of the being. "My mind is racing with conclusions, but I rather you confirm my suspicions. So, what are you? Some kind of all-powerful being that walks this world?"
Titanium turned his face away slowly, but his gaze continued to pierce his human company even now.
"You're not as dumb as you look...", the Dark Angel replies, smirking. "Yes, you could say that. I will keep my identity, however. I'm not one to go around making friends with you pathetic life forms..."

The young man kept his smile, taking no offense to that.
He then leans a little closer to Titanium, purple eyes filled with a raw strength.
"I'm not one to make friends with anyone", he answers, forming a grin himself. "In fact, I asked you what you were because I thought maybe you could tell me where my enemies are now."
Now, he scoffed.
"If you were some god, you would know..."
Titanium then turned fully to him, eyes flashing a lightning of jade, actually slightly impressed by the smug attitude of this human.
"I only know the whereabouts of my own enemies", the prince replies. "However, if you run into me again, I might be able to tell you what you seek, Mr.--?"
The Avaritian smiles again.
"Ruderyn Chase - just call me Rudy."
The Dark Angel nods, taking another shot in hand, reminding himself to remember this boy in case the need for a disposable pawn should arrive anytime soon in his master plans.
"Very well, Rudy. I'll let you know..."           


And then obviously Rudy somehow runs into Mevi, takes her hostage, and...
You know the rest for the time being. ;]

« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 09:23:42 AM by boe »

RMRK's Mom
Level 88
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
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I am really really really enjoying this story!  I have only praise for this installment as well. I'm so curious about what happens between now and when they meet again. Why Titanium feels such a connection to Mevi.

I find your characters compelling and your story riveting. KEEP WRITING! 

Level 44
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
I am just thrilled right down my bones!
I've never had kinder words from anyone about my work, and everyone on this forum is so gracious with their compliments! I'm so happy you like it! ^^

I love the power struggle these two are having, as they clearly are both overly dominant characters that just happened to clash with a conversation that just ripples with testosterone. XD

Now I'm interested in where I can post next, and if it's going to be before, or in the middle of this one and "You Threatened Her...", OR just after that.
Maybe I'll see what other comments are and decide based on that! ^^ 

Level 41
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
Now THAT is how a cliffhanger is done. Not thrown in, fits perfectly with the story going on, and used at the right type of situation.

The characters all seem very interesting, especially the 20-year-old guy. The definition of a young, cocky, but likable and badass individual. He really seems like a guy of few words, too, which is nice.

Overall, I can't wait for the next part. Great job, my friend!

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Loved it! ^_^ It really did have a good cliffhanger!!

I like how it's like we're reading a novel, only broken down into multiple short stories! It forces the reader to stop at a point that is great for the author to build the suspense! ;)

My only thing is that it was a bit odd that he instantly recognized him as a supernatural being, but Rudy seems to be a sharp dude, lol. B) Actually, I didn't really have a clear picture of who Rudy was or what he looked like until I read this one. o.o I didn't expect that to be him!
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Level 44
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
Haha! After reading your story, zach, I can tell that Rudy would sit well with you - he is exactly the cocky badass you described. And I find it hilarious that you used also "likeable" in his personality, because there's not a lot I've given you for the impression that he is, or isn't, likeable at this point.
Either way, I love the comment. ;]

Gotta love cliffhangers, right? My friends tell me I'm good at those simply because I do write in scenes, as if this were some movie or script, where I jump to other characters and/or new happenings between events in the same story.
I will rarely write very long in one place. I don't even give myself enough time to be bored, I think. XD
And everything eventually all ends up clashing. Somewhere. Somehow.  :yuyu:

And, yes, Yuyu, you're definitely reading something close to a novel. It's not a novel, but I write this same way in detail IN my real novels, so I'm sure you'd love reading my book ALMEGA.
These scenes here are actually what I've been re-writing/editing from an RP me and my friends started, and one I didn't start personally, but have been a part of for years now. So, the scenes you are seeing are from my own developed characters, and what I brought so far to the table in my own side storyline within the RP. ^^
And this collection of scenes is NOT Titanium's first debut with me, but it is with Mevi, Rudy, and Kyros that has been mentioned. So, they all hold special places in my heart now.

I like that you noticed how Rudy instantly recognized Titanium as a supernatural. Look at this here again.

Was it possible that greater beings walked other worlds just like Ziarre did in his?

That line there tells us that Rudy is familiar with greater creatures than himself, and the one he knows of in his planet is called Ziarre. I'll be happy to jump around more scenes to reveal everything on all that, too. :3

SO... It looks like all you so far are really cheering for me.
I am very appreciative, and I won't let ya down.
I'll have more for you soon! ^^

Level 41
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
Haha! After reading your story, zach, I can tell that Rudy would sit well with you - he is exactly the cocky badass you described. And I find it hilarious that you used also "likeable" in his personality, because there's not a lot I've given you for the impression that he is, or isn't, likeable at this point.
I mean 'likable' in the sense that he's cocky, but not overly so. So he's not exactly 'nice', but he's fairly appealing.

Level 44
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
I like the way you put that. :3  ;) ^-^

And it gives me more opportunity to see how everyone judges the other scenes I'll play out, as well as their casting characters. ^^

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I have to recommend that you put this story in its unabridged form and make short stories out of other material.

I say so because your ideas for this arc are so grand that 2k or fewer is just going to piss me off-  I want it all, all at once. I want background and context that is just not possible in a short story! Your material is really good, my friend, and it needs- it DESERVES to have a stage upon which it can truly perform.

Level 44
Bronze SS AuthorBronze Writing Reviewer
Now that's a compliment!
Thank you, M00s. :3

I think you can see why I struggle with short stories then, yes?
I can't keep anything short.  :tpg: :o

But I am glad to hear that you think it deserves a stage.
Hoo-rah! ^^

And also that tells me you should enjoy the next scene...
That I wrote BEFORE I saw you post this...