How is my Story?

[the bitter end.]

Please not that this is my first story I've ever thought up. This is a summary of the first chapter. (Note, I realize that Rae and Suae have the same profile. That's because my description goes for both of them.)

Setting: The world of Veluxia, currently split into three countries (Though not long ago Viranene was among these, they were defeated and annexed by Ethus): Ethus (The Human Empire), Azure (The Elven Empire), and God's Alliance (More commonly known as the alliance of monstrosities. Consists of six states. God's alliance consists of all creatures that are not human or elf. Most of which are of below average fighting ability and intelligence. Their real power is in their massive numbers and adaptability.). Who are all at war with each other. The war has stretched the empire of Ethus to its limits, and they initiated a draft to increase the size of their military.

[Spoiler="Chapter One, Excalibur: The Fate Crusher"]It is the 1756th Solar Cycle. The country of Ethus has been forced into a draft by their multi-fronted war with the country of Azure and God's Alliance. Avalon, a recently orphaned boy who has given into nihilism was a part of the draft and is now attending a Military Academy in South Ethus. One day, when some bullies make him go into a cave with them, several men in hoods appear and try to kill them. The three flee, revealing their cowardly nature. Avalon, however, after being unable to kill the men, decides it is his fate to die. When he is about to give up, however, there is a flash of light, and a time freezes. A girl has appeared in front of him, and offers him a contract. If he can pull her from a stone, she will offer him the power to destroy fate. This at first seems strange, but she then transforms into a sword and lodges herself in one of the many stones in the cave. He, with much effort, pulls her out. She remarks that only one with a strong enough will to destroy fate could have pulled her out, and says that she will allow him to wield her. Time unfreezes, and he is holding the sword in his hand. With it he easily destroys the hooded men, but black out immediately afterwards. He wakes up on what seems to be a ship (Like, sailing ship). After deducting the details about his location, he notices that the girl from earlier is asleep next to him, and he attempts to wake her up. However, he is interrupted by the door opening and an elf girl bursting in with a bow. Believing he has been captured by Azure, he immediately tries to attack the girl, though she easily dodges. She explains that she is in fact, his ally. Confused, he asks her what she is his ally in trying to accomplish. She tells him "In crushing fate." He then remembers what happens the cave and asks her what's going on. She explains that the world is controlled by "Weapons," which contain within them, the future happenings of the world. Avalon then asks "If these weapons give us such power, why crush them?" She then explains that there are those that abuse their power who call themselves "Oracles," and that she, and several others are trying to destroy them. She also explains that the Oracles are responsible for the current Elf-Human War. Avalon begins to put the pieces together and decides to go up to the deck, which the girl has no problem with. Her weapon then transforms into a man. After a conversation on Avalon's potential, they follow him up to the deck. On the deck, two other weapon-wielders are talking. One wielding a gun, and one wielding a lance. The lancer remarks that he is awake and welcomes him to "The Annihilation," He then explains that their destination is The Church of Silence, located in one of the states of God's Alliance. He explains that within that church is the weapon "Nature" (Which is a lyre.) which they must destroy it before the Oracle can get it (And probably give it to one of their higher ranking officers.)They then begin their voyage to the isle of snakes, where the church is located. [/Spoiler]

I have more than this conceptualized, I just have yet to type it down.

[djking]

is it a rpg maker game

[dezz123]

Seems kinda empty...
Is this an actual game? Can you post screenshots? 

[cozziekuns]

Cliche, perhaps? Or maybe that's just me.