You mean more like:
"OH PRAISE CHEWEY, HE'S GOT THE BLUES NO MORE. 'CAUSE HE LOST HIS VIRGINITY TO A SLUTTY, SKANKY WHORE. HE FINALLY REACHED THE DAY WHERE A BOY BECOMES A MAN AND OF COURSE THE HO WAS FROM JAPAAAAAAN~
OH PRAISE CHEWEY, HE BOUGHT A BUNCH OF BEER. AND FINALLY LET HIS CONSCIENCE AND HIS MORALS DISAPPEAR. AND NOW HE GETS SO WASTED FROM HIS MASSIVE KEG OF BOOZE THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY OF THE GIRLS HE SCREWS.
OH PRAISE CHEWEY, 'CAUSE NOW HE'S TWENTY-TWO (lol?) AND DID A LOT OF THINGS THIS YEAR HE NEVER THOUGHT HE'D DO. HE'S NO LONGER A PUSSY, HE SUPPORTS REBELLION. AND NOW HE'S A TRUE AMERICAN!"
Stolen from Malson.