Why do you keep posting this shit here and expect honest answers? I tried to tell you to go get some help before, but you took it as gloating over a pointless argument. People on here aren't going to be able to help you. There. I said it. You need to go to someone professional, and tell them everything. Tell them all the fucked up shit you think about, all the crazy fetishes, all of it. Unless you make an effort to do something real about your problems, nobody will take you seriously. Go talk to a shrink, or even a fucking witchdoctor, for all I care. Just do something productive, rather than get all histrionic and give everyone more ammo to cut you down. Also, make sure you tell that person about how you don't care what kind of attention you get. Make sure you tell them that you like to stir up drama so that you have a reason to throw a tantrum later.
I try so hard to make you see things from someone else's point of view, but you always turn it around so that I'm the asshole. I don't know why, but I try and try to get you to wake up. Someday you'll realize that this shit doesn't win you any favors. It just makes people like you less and less. Try this for me: Think for a moment about having to be around someone who always whines and complains, and then when you try and help them, they call you a dick and run away for a month. You start to think, "Gee, this person's been gone for a while, I hope they're doing alright."
Then, a few weeks later, they come back and say that they're different. You ask, "What did you do to go through this change?"
They say, "What do you mean? I was just masturbating and buying swords online."
Then after a few days, you realize that they didn't change at all, they're just a really crafty liar. Yes, that's right. You are crafty. I know this because I know people like you. People like you think they're outsmarting everyone else, but they're wrong. You can pretend all you want to, but I know the truth. You'll eventually realize that you need help.
When are you going to go get it?