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[Writing] I'm reworking V-Saga

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Rep:
Level 96
2011 Most Missed Member2010 Zero To Hero
Instead of being some sort of totally-NOT-steampunk but way too similar sort of a thing, I've decided to set the game in the future. Check this out- It's VERY rough, so any criticism helps. Tear this thing UP.

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V-Saga

ROSE: Restoration of Over world, Society, and Energies.

I don’t know yet. It’s an awesome and ironic name / acronym.

Anyhow, ROSE is a government body akin to socialist Russia. Everyone must share the wealth, etc. They have everyone believing they’re awesome, too. Not the fake kind of awesome, like Stalin’s Russia, fueled by propaganda, no no no. It’s the real kind of believing. It’s been going on for generations, you see, and it’s gotten to the point where they’ve put up such a great public image and so much information has been lost or burned up or sealed away that they’ve created a completely impenetrable web of lies- even some high ranking officials are in the dark. Our hero is…

Aquila!

And his friend, the priestess is…

Priscilla!

Aquila is a scientist working for the government. Specifically, a robotics engineer. He is working on a very crude mechanical suit – the human sized kind, or rather, the big bulky human sized kind- that can survive extremely dangerous conditions. On the first day of the game’s story, he is summoned to appear before the city council, a lower level branch of national, and then global council, the ruling body. Aquila is to be reviewed by a panel of twelve accredited ‘intellects’, each representing an area of study deemed vital to the progression of society. This panel is the most important of all under jurisdiction of the local city council, as the sciences are the most important fields of study in the modern world.

Aquila appears before the council as requested, his suit in tow. He gets inside, making boasts and spouting off facts as he starts it up…and then the suit suffers a power failure and shuts down. The council, knowing that he is massively intelligent and having a good relationship with him, but still having to face the fact that he has failed, deducts a few points from his “rating”, and sends him on his way, hopefully to make another attempt.

Heading home, he leaves his creation in the shop, and checks the schedule. Seeing the time, he heads out to pick up his friend Priscilla, and they go to lunch. Here, a large amount of the history behind “ROSE” and the current state of the world is revealed over coffee. After, Aquila says his goodbyes and heads home, going to sleep promptly after watching some television.


That night, the camera leaves Aquila’s room, and instead goes to the house of one of his neighbors. The player gains control of this unnamed man, and is alerted to a knock at the door. Naturally, the man gets up to answer it…and is greeted by two armed men. One of these men flashes a badge that reads G.I.E., and the other informs him that he is under arrest, and afterwards, he is to be relocated, effective immediately.

The man starts to panic. Though the player is in the dark, he is fully aware of the ‘crime’ he’s committed. As calmly as possible, he stalls for time, shifting his foot against a floor tile… and then, as the G.I.E. men become irritated, he stomps a hidden switch, electrocuting the both of them. He dashes back inside, retrieving a small handgun from the dresser in his room, and as he reenters the hall he is greeted by another soldier. This one, however, is fully armed, and has his sights trained on the man. The soldier goes to pull the trigger- but time seems to stop.

The man disappears…then reappears beside the soldier, at his flank. Time resumes. The soldier’s rifle fires. And then the man fires a bullet point blank into the soldier’s skull. The soldier falls and the man drops to his knees, clutching at his heart. In seconds, however, footsteps are heard coming up the stairs, and he is forced to struggle to his feet, dashing towards another room. Locking the door behind him, he moves to a window, and after throwing it open leaps outside of it- landing in a dumpster just below, ‘conveniently’ filled with dummy blueprints and old user’s manuals. Rolling out of it, he now falls on his back against the hard black pavement. Standing up yet again, he takes a deep breath, stopping time again briefly and makes a break for it down the street. Rather than run, he forces himself to walk, conserving his energy. Nervous as hell, knowing time could start marching on again at any second in his current condition, he sneaks cautiously past the blockade around his house. Looking up into the windows of the home he was now to leave behind, he sees the faces of his neighbor’s at the window- Aquila included. With a frown, he continues on- and when time starts to move again, he breaks into a mad dash for an intersection down the street, turning the corner and falling to the ground in a coughing fit.

The game switches back to Aquila.

Aquila stands at his window, taking in the scene unfolding below in disbelief. For a split second, he sees a figure suddenly appear, seemingly from nowhere, on the street, and fall around the corner. He stares for a moment, but quickly shakes off the notion that he actually saw anything in the first place, and turns to move down the stairs, staring out the peephole of his front door. He watches as G.I.E. moves carefully- but clearly nervously, down the hall, rifles raised to ready position and twirling around slowly in search of their quarry. Aquila, knowing not to interfere, moves to his room and closes the blinds. He doesn’t know the particulars, but people who saw too much of things like this usually ended up getting put through the wringer with G.I.E. Moving to his computer, he scans various news feeds, searching for some sort of coverage, but finds nothing. A commotion breaks out in the street, and Aquila moves again to the window. Unfortunately, he sees exactly what he was afraid of seeing: something he shouldn’t have. Attempting to take down the target, a G.I.E. shoots a civilian onlooker, and Aquila sees it all. Shocked, he freezes in front of his window, and before he can snap out of it the men below see him there. In seconds, there’s a knock at the door.

“Excuse me; we’d like to ask you a few questions sir.” States a voice from the hall.

Aquila panics, and hesitates just a little too long. In just a moment more, the door is open, unlocked from the other side with a small cutting device. G.I.E. moves in, guns raised…and when one of the soldiers finally locates Aquila, he fires his rifle, narrowly missing Aquila by mere inches. Aquila then realizes what’s going on- he may not know why, but it’s clear they’re trying to keep him quiet the easy way: with a suppressed weapon. Aquila lets out a horrified yelp, and dashes for his laboratory. Inside, he searches desperately for something to defend himself with, and his eyes eventually wander to his latest invention. With no other options remaining, and G.I.E. hot on his heels, he leaps inside, activating it as quickly as possible.

The story switches to the old man again, limping down the street, a bullet wound visible on his leg. He hangs from a traffic sign, panting and clutching his chest once more. Groaning, defeated, he looks around, reaching into his coat, muttering under his breath.

“Fuckin’ a…was hopin’ I could save this thing for later…”

He pulls out a small package of pills, and takes three. Suddenly, he’s rejuvenated, and begins to stumble down the street completely energized, save for his wound. Moving at a steady…limp, he moves down into a subway tunnel. Once inside he slips through the ticket booth by once again pausing time, and makes his way onto the shuttle.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 09:56:05 AM by boe »

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Walking Billboard
Rep:
Level 87
I shall miss the almost-steampunk, but it is still true to the V-saga heart of things  :tpg:

I think, i'm not sure. but still,

 :tpg:

i'm not very good at tearing things up. sorry  ;9

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Rep:
Level 96
2011 Most Missed Member2010 Zero To Hero
I slaughtered comma usage in this thing. x3 I'll be adding more as I dream it up.

Thanks for trying KKK, that's all I can ask 8D