Christmas Chaos (dialog from a failed game)

Forgive me if this is intollerably long. It is 38 pages of dialog for a game that I was working on in 2006. I still have the game. I think that it is 2 hours long. It is maybe half or most of the way completed. Give it a read if you dare! It is whimsical, charming, meant for a younger audience, and it could probably be easily turned into a play :-)

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Act 1: Scene 1

A small girl finds herself in a blinding snowstorm as she carries chopped wood.
JILLIAN:
I have never been in the forest this long before!
JILLIAN:
In all this now I must be lost!
JILLIAN:
This is what papa always talks about when he says just get the wood and come home!
<looks ahead through the snow>
JILLIAN:
Is that a house?
JILLIAN:
It is! It is a house!
JILLIAN:
I am home!
JILLIAN:
Oh… No wait it is not my house.
JILLIAN:
But I still see smoke coming from the chimney!
JILLIAN:
At least its warm! I am going to ask the person inside if I can get warm!
JILLIAN:
The worst that can happen is they say no.
JILLIAN:
Then I become a snowman on their lawn.

Jillian crosses a bridge over a frozen river.
Jillian walks along a cleared path until she comes to a snowman.
JILLIAN:
I hope that isn’t the last person that asked to get warm!

Jillian passes by a sign that is posted, but she cannot read it.
Jillian comes to the house. It is covered with snow there are lights on inside.
Jillian knocks at the door.
<from inside>
ELDERLY VOICE:
Unless you are under four feet tall go away! We do not want any!
JILLIAN:
My name is Jillian and yes Sir! I am less than four feet tall!
ELDERLY VOICE:
Are you an elf?
JILLIAN:
No Sir I am not an elf!
ELDERLY VOICE:
Then go away! We do not want any!
JILLIAN:
But please Sir! Let me in or I will surely freeze!
ELDERLY VOICE:
Go away! I am sick!
JILLIAN:
You do not sound sick Sir!
ELDERLY VOICE:
<cough>
<cough>
ELDERLY VOICE:
Hear that? Sick. Sick. Sick am I! Now go away!
JILLIAN:
I am lost and unable to find my way home!
ELDERLY VOICE:
If I do something for you will you leave me be?
JILLIAN:
What will you do for me Sir?
ELDERLY VOICE:
This!

Jillian is enveloped in a warming red glow!
JILLIAN:
Oh my Sir! It is so warm!
ELDERLY VOICE:
That warming glow will keep you warm for days! You will not freeze out there!
JILLIAN:
Is it the heat from your fire?
ELDERLY VOICE:
No! Now go away! Lots of secret things in here no one should see!
JILLIAN:
But how will I find my way home?
ELDERLY VOICE:
What do you want me to do part the blizzard to find your way home?
JILLIAN:
Well that would be quite nice actually.
ELDERLY VOICE:
Well I cannot do that! Now go!
JILLIAN:
Yes Sir. I will join the snowman in freezing out here.
ELDERLY VOICE:
Good. Good. Just do not bother me.
ELDERLY VOICE:
<cough>
<cough>
ELDERLY VOICE:
Very sick in here!
JILLIAN:
I understand.

Jillian leaves the elderly voice alone in his house.
JILLIAN:
I wonder if he is really sick.
Jillian looks over and finds barrels next to his windows that she can stand on.
JILLIAN:
Maybe I can just stand on those barrels and peak in.
JILLIAN:
Yeah that sounds like a good idea!
Jillian hops on one of the barrels
JILLIAN:
<peaks through the window>
JILLIAN:
He is not sick!
JILLIAN:
He is dancing!
JILLIAN:
In big red pants!
JILLIAN:
And big black boots?
JILLIAN:
With a thick white beard?
JILLIAN:
It must be…
JILLIAN:
<screams>
SANTA!!!

<santa falls over and looks to the window>
<jillian franticly waves hello!>
Santa gets up and walks to the window with Jillian waving.
SANTA:
You again? Could you not read the sign in front of my house that says ‘keep out’?
SANTA:
<opens the window to speak with jillian>
JILLIAN:
No Sir. I cannot read yet!
SANTA:
Did you not see the skull and crossbones on it?
JILLIAN:
Yes I did, but I thought that meant pirates!
SANTA:
No it did not mean pirates. It meant that I am sick in here.
JILLIAN:
But you are not sick! You were faking sick!
SANTA:
I was merely playing sick. You could say I was pretending to be sick.
JILLIAN:
My dad tells me that it is faking when I do it.
SANTA:
I am sure that Mr. Marek will not appreciate knowing that you fake it.
JILLIAN:
He always knows I fake it!
JILLIAN:
How did you know my dad’s name? Is it one of your Santa secrets?
SANTA:
No. You did tell me your first and last name, so I knew what his last name would be.
JILLIAN:
Oh. I knew that!
SANTA:
Did you now!
JILLIAN:
Yeah I did! It just takes me longer to think stuff.
JILLIAN:
Will my peaking on you get me on your naughty list?
SANTA:
The toys are already made!
SANTA:
It would be a shame to let one of them goes to waste if you were naughty.
SANTA:
But I suppose an orphanage could use an extra toy!
JILLIAN:
Maybe, but so could my sister Kira.
SANTA:
Yes she could get an extra toy. She has not received a toy from me in years!
JILLIAN:
Cause she’s so naughty?
SANTA:
No! Because she stopped playing with toys a long time ago!
SANTA:
Now she asks for makeup.
JILLIAN:
I know! She is such a girl!
SANTA:
She also asks for daggers, knives, throwing stars and other fine weaponry!
SANTA:
I will tell you what…
SANTA:
You already know my secret and why I am out here in seclusion you should just come in!

Jillian does not hesitate to hop through the window to the floor of the cabin.
JILLIAN:
Sure thing Santa!
SANTA:
I meant that you could come in through the door Jillian!
JILLIAN:
I knew that!
SANTA:
It just took you a while to think of it right?
<santa closes the window>

Act 1: Scene 2
Jillian and Santa are in his cabin.
Jillian runs over to a list with a quill on a small table.
JILLIAN:
What is this list and quill here!
SANTA:
Do not knock over the ink well!
JILLIAN:
I will not spill the wink!
JILLIAN:
Is this THE list?
SANTA:
Yes Jillian that is the list.
JILLIAN:
Can I read it?
SANTA:
Yes you can, but keep any ink away from the list!
JILLIAN:
I will keep it away. I just want to look up some people.
SANTA:
Who will you look up?
JILLIAN:
I will look up my sister Kira and Sheeva.
SANTA:
I can understand your sister, but why look up the queen?
JILLIAN:
Because everyone talks of how evil she is!
JILLIAN:
I wonder where she falls on this list.
JILLIAN:
No one says her name, they always just call her the queen.
SANTA:
She is one of the rare people that I put on the first page.
JILLIAN:
Why Santa?
SANTA:
Because I know that she has never done anything good in her entire life!
SANTA:
The naughty side of the list would not be the same if she were not at the top.

<a knock is heard at the door of santa’s cabin>

JILLIAN:
Is that Mrs. Claus? Do I get to meet her?
SANTA:
Not even Mrs. Claus knows I am up here.
SANTA:
It is strange, only Elfra, the head maker of toys has knowledge that I am here.
JILLIAN:
Maybe it is my papa!
SANTA:
Or another lost freezing child.

Santa approaches the door.

<another knock is heard at the door of santa’s cabin>

SANTA:
<yells out>
We do not want any! Go away!

<another knock is heard at the door of santa’s cabin>

SANTA:
<yells out>
Are you deaf and cannot hear that I tell you to go away!

<another knock is heard at the door of santa’s cabin>

SANTA:
<yells out>
Perhaps you are blind and cannot see the sign I posted.
JILLIAN:
<tells santa>
Or maybe they cannot read it?

<the door is broken down>
Santa takes a few steps back from the door.
A beautiful woman in a thick cloak steps through the doorway into the cabin.
SANTA:
Who are you?
ARIEL:
I am Ariel the assistant to the most fabulous woman in the empire.
ARIEL:
She is your monarch, she is wise, she is all knowing…
ARIEL:
Here is our Queen!

Ariel steps aside.
Sheeva, an elderly woman in a thick cloak steps through the doorway into the cabin.
Sheeva walks forward to Santa.
ARIEL:
And following up her majesty the queen is as usual…
ARIEL:
The squad of goons!

Four warriors in black step through the door and line up behind Sheeva.

ARIEL:
Let us here it for the squad of goons!
<ariel begins to clap>
SHEEVA:
<tells ariel>
Enough Ariel!
ARIEL:
Sorry Queen.
SHEEVA:
<speaks to santa>
Nicolas it has been quite some time!
SANTA:
I never recall seeing you.
SHEEVA:
No? You see so many children that you cannot remember who I was back then.
SHEEVA:
When I saw you at one of your personal appearances at the marketplace…
SHEEVA:
You told me that I was an evil little princess when I was a child.
SANTA:
You were never a child, you were always an evil little princess!
SHEEVA:
This evil little princess grew into an all knowing queen.
ARIEL:
A wise and beautiful queen!
SANTA:
Why have you come here? Tell me!
SHEEVA:
I heard my name mentioned by a tongue in this cabin.
SHEEVA:
A young tongue perhaps?
<looks to jillian>
SHEEVA:
<tells santa>
Do not think that you are the only one that knows everything.
SHEEVA:
I hear every time my name is spoken.
SHEEVA:
No one has spoken my name in years. I had to know who spoke it.
ARIEL:
It was the child!
SHEEVA:
Yes Ariel it was the child.
SHEEVA:
<speaks to jillian>
Tell me little girl why did you speak my name?
JILLIAN:
I just wanted to see if your name was on the list?
SHEEVA:
And is it on the list of Nicolas?
JILLIAN:
No it is on the name of naughty.
SHEEVA:
That is why I have not seen you since I sat on your lap in that marketplace.
SANTA:
It has been my pleasure not seeing you since that time.
SHEEVA:
You will be seeing much more of me Nicolas.
SHEEVA:
Tell her why Ariel.
ARIEL:
You were once a toy maker yourself before you became the great Santa!
ARIEL:
You were the greatest toy maker in the world.
ARIEL:
That is why our Queen is making you a prisoner of the empire.
SHEEVA:
I have recently had a child.
JILLIAN:
A boy named Sagma.
ARIEL:
A prince named Sagma!
SHEEVA:
Yes my son the prince will need the greatest toys in the land.
SHEEVA:
He will be the only child in the land to have toys this Christmas!
SANTA:
You cannot ruin this Christmas! The toys are already made in my workshop!
SHEEVA:
If I knew the location of your workshop, I would have it burned to the ground.
SHEEVA:
With the gifts and your elves inside!
SANTA:
You can never stop Christmas! There is no need for me!
SANTA:
I have an army of elves that can deliver the gifts!
SHEEVA:
I have an army of men to stop them, but it would be amusing to see how your elves fair.
SHEEVA:
Your elves have never been out of the frozen wilderness.
SHEEVA:
You were chosen to be their ambassador. You are delivery man for the human world.
SHEEVA:
In our society they would be fish out of water.
SANTA:
What if I refuse to make Sagma toys?
SHEEVA:
Must you really ask that? Just imagine the absolute worst things that can happen.
SHEEVA:
Then I will imagine something far worse that I can do.
SHEEVA:
Goons! Take Santa!
GOONS:
<all say at the same time>
Yes Queen!

The four goons surround Santa.
The goons take Santa out of his cabin.
ARIEL:
<points to jillian>
And what about this little snot?
SHEEVA:
I will leave you here to deal with her.
Sheeva exits the cabin swiftly leaving Ariel and Jillian alone.
Screen fades to black.

Act 2: Scene 1

Santa’s cabin is empty.
An elf enters the cabin to look for Santa.
ELFRA:
Santa!
ELFRA:
Santa where are you?
ELFRA:
The door was unlocked!
ELFRA:
<thinks>
Maybe he is outside building another snowman?

Elfra sees a note on the table in the cabin.

<the note reads>
<to the parents of jillian:>
<she should not have spoken the name of the queen>
<to the elf that will undoubtedly read this:>
<we have santa>
<he will never deliver toys for any other child but sagma>
<you will learn to live without him>
<it is signed>
<ariel, assistant to the queen>
<ps: we have left you a gift in the dresser drawer>

ELFRA:
This is horrible! Santa gone? What is this girl jillian that the note talks of?
ELFRA:
<screams out>
JILLIAN!!!
ELFRA:
If you are here hiding, there is nothing to fear!

<elfra waits for jillian to respond, but there is no response>

Elfra walks to the dresser and cautiously looks for the gift left by Ariel.
ELFRA:
A note?

<the note says>
<if you are reading this the Tribettas have probably failed>

ELFRA:
Tribettas? What Tribettas?

Tribetta wolves jump through every window in the cabin and surround Elfra!
ELFRA:
This cannot be good!
ELFRA:
There is only one way out of this! The Escape Scroll in my satchel!

Elfra uses the exit scroll in her satchel.
The wolves narrowly miss eating Elfra alive!

ELFRA:
Sorry Tribettas, I need to get back to the workshop and tell the others!

Elfra disappears with a beam of light!

<elfra must find derrick, chipper and noncy in santa’s workshop>

Act 2: Scene 2

Elfra appears in the center of Santa’s Village.
Elfra then rushes to the west through a winding snow covered path.
Elfra looks up to Santa’s magnificent work shop!
Elfra finds herself in a small room with three other elves.

DERRICK:
Seek the aide of humans?
DERRICK:
They are unruly!
CHIPPER:
Unkempt!
NONCY:
And worst of all…
ELFRA:
Tall! Yes. Yes. I know your fears!
DERRICK:
Why would we need the humans?
ELFRA:
We need them because of everything you three just said!
DERRICK:
No. We do not need them!
CHIPPER:
We can get Santa back with some magic and a map!
ELFRA:
No we cannot!
CHIPPER:
But magic solves everything!
NONCY:
Why it even solves your sour puss Elfra!
<Noncy waves his hands>

<an uncontrollable smile forms on the face of Elfra>
ELFRA:
But it cannot get Santa back from the Queen!
NONCY:
Oh no! You must not say her name!
DERRICK:
She would appear here at the workshop to smite us all.
ELFRA:
<still with a big grin>
Why surely magic could save us!
NONCY:
Nothing could save us from the wrath of the Queen!
NONCY:
<loses the smile from his face>
ELFRA:
See magic is useless against the powers of the queen.
ELFRA:
Cheer up Noncy! We will get Santa back!
<waves her hands>

<an uncontrollable smile forms on the face of Noncy>

ELFRA:
The four of us need to go to the nearest town of humans to ask for their help!
DERRICK:
I still say that the humans would kill us on sight!
DERRICK:
They do that to their own kind you know!
DERRICK:
Which is why we give them joy as children in the hope they would be nice all year round!
CHIPPER:
But what if the humans do not aide us?
ELFRA:
They must aide us!
ELFRA:
We are the only thing providing cheer and good will to their dull lives!
ELFRA:
If they did not have the good tidings we bring their wars would continue!
NONCY:
Without us their precious presents would go unwrapped.
NONCY:
Toys would go unmade!
ELFRA:
When the man that delivers them is kidnapped of course they will come to his aide!
CHIPPER:
I see it now! They aide us for their material possessions!
NONCY:
The material possessions that will save our beloved ambassador!
ELFRA:
Are we united?
CHIPPER:
We are united!
ELFRA:
Noncy are we united?
NONCY:
Oh heavens yes!
ELFRA:
Derrick are we united?
DERRICK:
I will still be wary of the humans.
DERRICK:
But yes we are united.
ELFRA:
To the human kingdom in search of those that will help us free Santa!
ELFRA, DERRICK, CHIPPER, NONCY:
To the human kingdom!
CHIPPER:
Now which way is it?
ELFRA:
<still with the magical grin on her face>
I am uncertain!
ELFRA:
Santa always knew the way!
NONCY:
There is someone else that knows the way!
CHIPPER:
Who knows the way to the humans?
NONCY:
Rudolph!
ELFRA:
To Rudolph!
ELFRA:
He is in the stable south of the village.

Act 2: Scene 2

Elfra, Derrick, Chipper and Noncy enter the ranch cabin at the stable.
They find the keeper of the stable there to greet them.

WATTS:
Why young elves why have you come here in such a rush!
ELFRA:
We have no time to little time to speak Watts.
WATTS:
I can see by the way you are huffing and puffing!
DERRICK:
Do I get to tell him? I am not as tired from the run here!
WATTS:
Tell me what?
DERRICK:
Santa has been kidnapped by the Queen!
ELFRA:
I found a note that says the Queen wants him only to deliver toys to her son the prince!
WATTS:
Oh me!
NONCY:
We are on a mission to rescue Santa!
CHIPPER:
But we need help from the human world.
WATTS:
Why have you come to me then? I am in no condition to assist you.
CHIPPER:
Do not say that! You are the keeper of Santa’s reindeer!
ELFRA:
We need your permission to speak with Rudolph!
NONCY:
You are the only one other than Santa that can communicate with the reindeer!
WATTS:
Oh my!
WATTS:
You need not my permission young one.
WATTS:
You need Rudolph’s permission!
NONCY:
Why Watts? Why?
WATTS:
He has become anti-social! The whole number one reindeer thing went to his head!
CHIPPER:
How…
DERRICK:
Amusing?
WATTS:
It will be a tremendously long walk to the human kingdom!
DERRICK:
Could we take Santa’s sleigh?
WATTS:
No, it is currently in the shop, but maybe you could ride the reindeer.
WATTS:
They do fly after all!
ELFRA:
Has anyone even ridden a reindeer before?
WATTS:
No one has ever ridden a reindeer that I can recall.
WATTS:
But there is always a first time!
CHIPPER:
Ummm… Fellow elves…
NONCY:
What is it Chipper?
CHIPPER:
I have never even seen a reindeer. Up close I mean!
DERRICK:
In all of your five years here you have yet to see a reindeer?
CHIPPER:
They scare me.
WATTS:
Never be scared of a reindeer, just be prepared for Rudolph to be a bit ego centric.
CHIPPER:
Ego whatic?
NONCY:
It is when a person only cares to talk about themselves.
ELFRA:
Watts, please lead the way to Rudolph!

All five elves leave the cabin to the outside.

Act 2: Scene 3

All five elves walk to the stable that contains Rudolph.
Watts stands next to the head of Rudolph.

CHIPPER:
This is Rudolph? He is so adorable!
ELFRA:
<waves to rudolph>
Hello Rudolph.
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph greets you.
WATTS:
What is it you have to ask of Rudolph?
ELFRA:
We need you to guide our way to the human kingdom!
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Why must I guide you?
DERRICK:
You are the leader of the reindeer, so we will rely on your help.
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
I will, but on one condition!
ELFRA:
Name it Rudolph and I will make it so!
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph wants to feed him.
WATTS:
<asks rudolph>
What was that? Who do you want to feed you?
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph wants Chipper to feed him!
CHIPPER:
Sure thing cutie!

RUDOLPH:
<wags his tail>

WATTS:
The food is in that bin over near the cabin!

Chipper goes to get Rudolph some deer food from a bin.
Chipper returns with a bucket of deer feed.

WATTS:
Hold the food up to his mouth Chipper! He does not bite!
CHIPPER:
<laughter>
It tickles a lot!

<rudolph quickly finishes the food>
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph thanks you for the food Chipper.
WATTS:
What is that Rudolph?
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph did not mean you feed him reindeer food.
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
He meant that you feed him compliments!
DERRICK:
Oh boy we may be here for a while!
ELFRA:
Please hurry up and compliment him Chipper.
CHIPPER:
Oh Rudolph you are such a cute little reindeer!
CHIPPER:
Like me, but I am not a reindeer!
CHIPPER:
Your antlers are not all fuzzy and full of points like the others!
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph would like you all to pet him.

<elfra, derrick, chipper and noncy all pet rudolph>
<the nose of rudolph glows a bright red!>

NONCY:
I have a question.
NONCY:
How does his nose light up?
NONCY:
Is it happiness that makes it glow red?
WATTS:
It is static electricity generated from his coat.
ELFRA:
Yes Noncy, it is happiness!
ELFRA:
<asks rudolph>
Will you guide us to the human kingdom?
RUDOLPH:
<nods his head yes>
CHIPPER:
Oh thank you red nosed reindeer!
<hugs the neck of rudolph>

<the nose of rudolph glows a brighter color of red!>

WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
Rudolph tells you all to mount up on three other reindeer!
WATTS:
<translates for rudolph>
He also wants Chipper to be the one to ride his back!
DERRICK:
Do we not need saddles or anything?
WATTS:
That would be wise, but we do not have any saddles large enough for the reindeer.
ELFRA:
Mount up boys and girl! Are you coming with us Watts?
WATTS:
By the beard of Santa! I am not going. You four are young.
ELFRA:
We thank you for all of your help.
WATTS:
I will see the four of you soon!
DERRICK:
Should we be wearing parachutes?
WATTS:
I will tell you the answer to that when you come home!
WATTS:
Do not worry about finding your way home! The reindeer know their way home!
ELFRA:
<tells her elves>
Noncy, you get on Dancer.
ELFRA:
Derrick, you get on Vixen.
Chipper, you get on Rudolph.
ELFRA:
For myself I will take Blitzer.
WATTS:
Farewell young elves! Do not fail! Children everywhere are counting on you!

The four elves take their reindeer off into flight!

Act 3: Scene 1

The four elves and their reindeer land in a field next to a town in the human kingdom.
The four elves dismount their reindeer.

ELFRA:
The reindeer should be safe here out of town.
DERRICK:
Do we not need to tie them up so they do not wonder away?
ELFRA:
No, the old trick as I heard it. You click your tongue three times.
CHIPPER:
<click> <click> <click>
ELFRA:
And they come running!

Rudolph nudges up against Chipper.

ELFRA:
Because that is the call that food is being served!
NONCY:
Never click Chipper if there is no food around.
CHIPPER:
Sorry. It was just fun to do so!
ELFRA:
We have no time to waste! It is Christmas Eve!

The four elves follow a path into the town of Wardley.

Act3: Scene 2

The four elves walk to the first fork in the road of the town.

NONCY:
Where should we start out search for someone to aide us?
CHIPPER:
Should we just scream out if someone will aide us?
DERRICK:
No Chipper. These are humans. They keep their troubles private.
CHIPPER:
But this concerns them too! All of them!
DERRICK:
The adults stop believing in Santa, because none of them can catch him.
DERRICK:
And when they stop believing, they stop caring.
NONCY:
They must not believe in one another with such horrible things we hear.
ELFRA:
I think it would be best if we split up. We could search for aide much faster.
CHIPPER:
Split up? Golly. Are you sure?
ELFRA:
Noncy and I will go alone. Noncy will check the north quadrant of this town.
DERRICK:
Chipper and I will search the south quadrant together.
CHIPPER:
What about you Elfra? What will you search?
ELFRA:
Everything else! I will start with this pub that we are standing in front of.
CHIPPER:
But you are not old enough to go in there! You are not old enough to drink!
ELFRA:
No, but I am the tallest and the oldest person here.
DERRICK:
The height of your hat should not count in addition to your height.
ELFRA:
I am not going to be drinking anything in there.
CHIPPER:
Well if you are not drinking…
CHIPPER:
Can you get me a hot chocolate? It sure is cold out here.
NONCY:
Could you get me an egg nog?
ELFRA:
No to the both of you! Elves stay focused!
ELFRA:
We will return here in an hour. Deal?
CHIPPER:
An hour in human time or an hour in elf time?
DERRICK:
They are the same amount of time!
CHIPPER:
Oh that is right!
NONCY, CHIPPER and DERRICK:
Deal!

The four elves split up to find humans that will aide them in the rescue of Santa!
Elfra enters the pub.

Act3: Scene 3

Elfra enters a pub to see it full of humans.
No one pays any attention to her, she walks up to the bar tender.
There are two men in the uniform of the Queen’s empire seated at a table.

TENDER:
Sorry. We do not serve kids. Go ask your mother for some juice.
ELFRA:
I am no child I have lived through half my lifespan already.
TENDER:
Oh really? Well there is a height requirement to be in here here.
ELFRA:
<stands on top of a bar stool>
Do I meet the requirement to stay?
TENDER:
Yes, if you were not standing on a bar stool.
ELFRA:
This is where the people gather and I must ask the people for help!
TENDER:
Get lost kid!
ELFRA:
I tell you that I am not a kid!
A woman speaks up from beside Elfra.
SKOTIA:
Then what are you?
ELFRA:
I am a minute human. I have been challenged by height.
SKOTIA:
There are no humans with tall pointy hats.
TENDER:
Nor do they have long ears with points at the ends.
ELFRA:
<tucks her ears into her hat>
ELFRA:
No I am a human. Just special that is all.
TENDER:
Get lost elf!
GOON #1:
Elf?
GOON #2:
<tells goon #1>
Yep elf! That is what the Tender said!
Goons walk over to Elfra and Skotia.
ELFRA:
I do apologize for being in this establishment without meeting the height requirement.
ELFRA:
What is wrong with being an elf?
GOON #1:
There is nothing wrong with being an elf.
ELFRA:
Oh that is good.
GOON #2:
But that was yesterday.
GOON #1:
Yeah, as of yesterday, the Queen told us to bring her any elves if they showed up.
SKOTIA:
What does the queen want with an elf?
GOON #2:
Who are we to question her orders?
GOON #1:
We are just the pawns to the will of her majesty!
SKOTIA:
That is sad. What will happen to this elf if I let you take her?
GOON #2:
That is completely up to the Queen.
GOON #1:
I am sure it will be something deliciously nasty.
GOON #2:
Yeah, like the time that the queen made her own whack-a-mole game!
GOON #2:
With real moles!
ELFRA:
Oh my what a terrible woman!
GOON #1:
That will be your third charge elf!
GOON #1:
Charge #1 Being an elf.
Charge #2 Being in a pub.
GOON #1:
Charge #3. Insulting the queen!
GOON #2:
That may get you the death penalty!
The goons grab Elfra by the arms and try to drag her away!
ELFRA:
Oh no! I just wanted assistance from humans to save Santa!
Skotia runs in front of the two goons.
SKOTIA:
Wait! Stop! You are not going to take her!
GOON #1:
And what is the name of the fool that dares go against the will of the queen?
SKOTIA:
Skotia!
GOON #2:
Bring her too!
SKOTIA:
You are not taking me or this elf. What is your name?
ELFRA:
Elfra!
SKOTIA:
Your name is Elfra?
ELFRA:
Yes why?
SKOTIA:
You are not taking Elfra or I anywhere!
The goons draw their swords against Skotia who pulls a crossbow out!
SKOTIA:
If you have any elf tricks, now is the time to use them!
ELFRA:
Oh yes, I can create a mass disorientation! There is just one problem though.
SKOTIA:
Tell me quick!
ELFRA:
It will make everyone in the room dizzy.
SKOTIA:
Do it!
ELFRA:
Okay, but I am not cleaning up the mess when they throw up!

Elfra makes everyone in the room dizzy, but the goons have it the worst!
SKOTIA:
Come on Elfra, let us get out of here!

Elfra and Skotia leave the pub.
One of the people stands up from the bar.
It is Ariel, who walks to the center of the bar.

ARIEL:
I should tell the Queen that the elves are here!

Act 3: Scene 4

Elfra and Skotia meet the elves at the center of town.

DERRICK:
Is that her? Is that the one that will help us save Santa before the toys must be delivered?
ELFRA:
This is Skotia! Defeater of the Queen’s goons!
SKOTIA:
No this is Skotia, fighter for herself!
ELFRA:
You will not help us save Santa?
SKOTIA:
No, I saved you today and that is enough for me.
CHIPPER:
You know that you want to help us!
SKOTIA:
No I want to get out of town before more guards show up!
CHIPPER:
You can come out of town with us!
SKOTIA:
Great! Where are you going?
NONCY:
To the Queen’s castle we go!
SKOTIA:
Uh… Thanks, but no thanks.
DERRICK:
It would be the last place the Queen would look for you.
SKOTIA:
Because she would not have to look for me! I would be right there!
DERRICK:
Yes exactly!
DERRICK:
No wait, that is not what I meant!
DERRICK:
Not what I meant at all!
SKOTIA:
Look elves. I need to look out for myself.
SKOTIA:
If I do not who else will?
NONCY:
Is that what you do or what humans do?
SKOTIA:
Bye elves.
CHIPPER:
We will look out for you!
NONCY:
Yes that is what elves do!
DERRICK:
When one of us has a problem we all solve it!
ELFRA:
There are problems in the world that are too big for little people to solve!
ELFRA:
So that is why we all help to solve the big problems!
ELFRA:
We will look after you brave Skotia!
SKOTIA:
And I will look after the four of you!
ELFRA, DERRICK, NONCY, CHIPPER:
<jubilant hurrahs>
ELFRA:
Were the three of you able to find anyone to aide our cause?
CHIPPER:
We are sad to report that no one will help us to save Santa.
NONCY:
No one believes in our cause, because no one believes in Santa anymore.
DERRICK:
The children would help us, but they would be as weak as us against the Queen.
ELFRA:
There has to be someone in town noble enough to help.

The elves here a man’s yells for help in the distance.

MAREK:
Help oh will someone not help me!

Skotia and Elfra go to investigate the pleas.
Skotia and Elfra soon find a white bearded man seeking someone.

MAREK:
<yells out>
Jillian where are you?
MAREK:
Has anyone seen my daughters Jillian and Kira?
ELFRA:
Did you say Jillian?
MAREK:
Yes, have you seen her? She has been gone for a day now.
MAREK:
I sent her to fetch firewood from the pile and she never returned.
ELFRA:
I think I know where she is!
MAREK:
Please tell me and you shall be rewarded!
ELFRA:
I found a note this morning.
<hands the note to marek>
MAREK:
<quickly reads the note>
What does this mean?
SKOTIA:
<reads the note as well>
I think it means that the queen took her!
MAREK:
Oh that is what I had feared! I sent my oldest daughter after Jillian too!
MAREK:
I am such a fool!
MAREK:
I will go to the castle and plead my case to the Queen.
MAREK:
She will return them to me!
SKOTIA:
No, the Queen will turn a deaf ear on your plea and you will join your daughters!
MAREK:
But I will at least be with them.
SKOTIA:
But you may not live long enough to see them. The Queen has an army!
ELFRA:
Yes, but Skotia is strong and has defeated two of the Queen’s goons.
SKOTIA:
I am not strong, I am merely good at aim with my crossbow.
MAREK:
My daughter Kira is strong. There is nothing that girl does not think she can do.
MAREK:
Including take on the Queen’s army of goons, which is probably why she tried.
MAREK:
No one can take them all on alone!
ELFRA:
No, but they can get a band of people together that seek a common goal!
ELFRA:
And those people with a common goal can win.
MAREK:
The second part of this note. What does it mean? The part about this Santa.
ELFRA:
Jillian found Santa’s vacation cabin in the Frost Forest.
MAREK:
Why does a man that works one day a year need a vacation?
ELFRA:
It was not a vacation, he was quarantined there while he was ill.
ELFRA:
Do not worry, Santa was just playing sick though.
ELFRA:
The Queen demands that he make toys for the new born prince.
ELFRA:
So he cannot deliver the toys this Christmas.
SKOTIA:
Or any other Christmas from the sound of it.
MAREK:
But today is Christmas Eve!
ELFRA:
Which is why we are headed into the Queen’s castle. To get him back!
MAREK:
May I come with? I would do anything to get my daughters back!
MAREK:
I may be old, but I bring with me wisdom, intelligence and the ability to treat wounds!
SKOTIA:
And I am sure we will have a lot of those wounds by the time this is all done!
ELFRA:
Yes, please join us! I have friends waiting for us!
MAREK:
More short people like yourself?
ELFRA:
That is right there are other elves in town!
MAREK:
You are an elf? I did not think that they existed!
ELFRA:
My name is Elfra, elected leader of the elves! This is Skotia.
SKOTIA:
I am a human. You can tell with the height difference and the non pointed ears.
MAREK:
And I am Mr. Marek! I am the healer of this town.
SKOTIA:
<takes her hand and lifts the tip of elfra’s hat to reveal elfra’s ears>
MAREK:
You have pointed ears!
ELFRA:
Yeppers! We all do!
MAREK:
I thought that it was only a children’s fairy tail!
MAREK:
Does this mean that Santa is real?
ELFRA:
Would the Queen have taken him if he was not real?
MAREK:
I always thought the old man that sat in the marketplace at Christmas was an actor!
ELFRA:
Many of them are! The real Santa can only be in one place at one time!
ELFRA:
But the real Santa is out there, meeting the children.
ELFRA:
Now please come this way and I shall inform my friends there is another to aide us!
MAREK:
Lead the way please!
SKOTIA:
So how much was that reward you talked about?
MAREK:
We will discuss it later.

Marek, Skotia and Elfra walk their way back to Derrick, Chipper and Noncy.

DERRICK:
Where have you been? We have worried over you! Do you know what time it is?
ELFRA:
No what time is it? We were with Marek! His daughter is the one in the note!
MAREK:
I am here to help you, because the Queen has at least one of my daughters!
CHIPPER:
I am so sorry Mr. Marek! We will rescue your daughter when we rescue Santa!
MAREK:
And I will rescue Santa when I rescue my daughters!
SKOTIA:
And I will get out a box of tissues for the emotional reunions!
DERRICK:
This is all good and well that you have found two humans Elfra…
DERRICK:
But Elfra, it is dark and we still do not have Santa! He needs to deliver presents soon!
ELFRA:
I thought of it getting closer to night.
ELFRA:
The only thing I can come up with is the three of you elves are going to deliver!
NONCY:
What? No! I do not like this idea!
NONCY:
No one but Santa is strong enough to lug around that giant bag!
ELFRA:
Santa might be big, but he has the strength of three elves!
NONCY:
Yes he does have the strength of three elves, but there is on one as strong as him!
ELFRA:
But he has the strength of three elves!
<elfra points her finger>
ELFRA:
One elf. Two elves. Three elves!
CHIPPER:
She means we together will have the strength of Santa!
NONCY:
I get that now Chipper. However, we do not have Santa’s speed with years of experience!
ELFRA:
It does not matter!
ELFRA:
The three of you will ride Rudolph, Dancer and Vixen.
ELFRA:
Blitzen is the biggest and strongest reindeer we have! He will bring Santa back.
SKOTIA:
Once we rescue him!
ELFRA:
Now go elves, get back to Watts and he will teach you how to drive the sled!

Derrick, Noncy and Chipper walk back to the pasture next to town.
Chipper finds Rudolph, but none of the other deer.
CHIPPER:
<click click click with her tongue!>

Blitzen, Dancer and Vixen come to Chipper from the forest.

CHIPPER:
That was easy!
NONCY:
But delivering all of the gifts might not be so easy.
DERRICK:
We can do it! How hard could it be to pilot a flying sled with millions of toys in it?
NONCY:
You made that sound even more difficult!

The three elves mount their reindeer and fly away into the snowy night sky!

Act 4: Scene 1

The three elves dismount their reindeer at Santa’s stable.
The three elves enter the cabin beside the stable. Watts is waiting for them.

WATTS:
It is getting late! These gifts need to get delivered!
WATTS:
Where is Santa?
CHIPPER:
He is still with the Queen!
WATTS:
I see that Elfra is gone too. Do not tell me she has been captured as well.
DERRICK:
No she is with the humans to rescue Santa.
DERRICK:
She sent us to fly the sled and deliver the gifts.
WATTS:
Oh my nothing like that has been attempted.
NONCY:
Since Santa took over the delivering of gits.
WATTS:
Yes that is right!
WATTS:
Well if you three are taking over the route, you need to load the sleigh at the workshop.
NONCY:
Oh more work.
WATTS:
Just make it to the sleigh and the other elves will help you pack it.
DERRICK:
Thank you Watts, and if Santa returns on Blitzen, tell him we are on his route!
NONCY:
With any luck Santa will return and we will not have to deliver.
DERRICK:
Where would the fun be in that?

Screen fades to black.
Chipper, Derrick and Noncy quickly find their way to Santa’s workshop.

Act 4: Scene 2

Chipper, Derrick and Noncy arrive to find the sleigh being filled with black sacks!

NONCY:
We should tell the other elves that Elfra wants us to fly the sleigh!
CHIPPER:
Elves we’re flying the sleight?
ELF:
What? But you can’t!
DERRICK:
You should not have told them that bluntly.
ELF:
There is an art to it that only Santa knows!
CHIPPER:
What is bluntly?
NONCY:
It is more appropriately called blunt.
DERRICK:
Its like hitting them over the head with something.
DERRICK:
In this case it was the truth.
NONCY:
Use tact next time Chipper.
CHIPPER:
Oh okay.
CHIPPER:
You will have to tell me what it means.
ELF:
What is this about Santa not flying?
DERRICK:
<tells noncy and chipper>
I will handle this.
DERRICK:
Elfra wants us to fly the sleigh.
ELF:
But why does she want you to fly the sleigh?
DERRICK:
<tells himself>
Oh that’s right.
NONCY:
What’s right?
DERRICK:
We left in such a haste we neglected to inform the workers.
ELF:
Inform the workers of what?
CHIPPER:
That Santa’s been kidnapped!
ELF:
Kidnapped!
NONCY:
What did I tell you about using tact Chipper?
CHIPPER:
How can I use it when you never told me what it is?
NONCY:
Good point.
ELF:
Santa is kidnapped! Who has taken him?
DERRICK:
Do not spin yourselves into a tizzy over this. Everything is under control.
ELF:
Who kidnapped him?
DERRICK:
I am not sure I should tell you.
ELF:
Who is the one that has done this deed?
CHIPPER:
She is the one we never say her name!
ELF:
Doom. Doomed Santa is!
CHIPPER:
Perk up little elf, everything is going to be okay!
DERRICK:
She’s right. Elfra right now is going to Santa from the one we never speak of.
ELF:
But how Derrick? How will she rescue Santa?
NONCY:
Elf are you aware that you repeat yourself?
DERRICK:
Elfra has taken company with two humans. Both will aide her in the rescue of Santa!
ELF:
Humans?
DERRICK:
Yes humans.
ELF:
The tall people that inhabit most of the Earth that think we are a myth?
NONCY:
The very same.
ELF:
Why would they help us?
CHIPPER:
Because we help them by giving them a reason to bring cheer and joy to one another.
DERRICK:
Even if it is for one day of the year.
CHIPPER:
But that day spreads into a time of good cheer.
CHIPPER:
Then it will spread into a month, then a season. Maybe even a full year.
ELF:
I will trust you three that everything will be alright.
CHIPPER:
Everything will be alright. We have it covered!
ELF:
There is one thing that you do not have covered.
DERRICK:
What are we forgetting?
ELF:
According to my docket, we are missing ten presents!
ELF:
I have all of the elves searching the workshop for those ten gifts.
ELF:
No one has been able to find them anywhere?
DERRICK:
Have you checked the village?
ELF:
<stands silent>
DERRICK:
Keep checking here, the three of us will look in the village.
ELF:
We’ll do!

Derrick, Noncy and Chipper walk away from the sleigh and Santa’s workshop

Act 4: Scene 3

Chipper, Derrick and Noncy arrive in Santa’s village to search for presents
NONCY:
The village is so big!
NONCY:
<sigh>
And ten is such a big number!
DERRICK:
A village is smaller than a city.
DERRICK:
And ten is less of a number than one thousand.
NONCY:
I know, but we are running low on time!
CHIPPER:
I know I won’t give up! I’m not denying someone a gift!
CHIPPER:
Nope, not me!
DERRICK:
Not any of us.

Chipper, Derrick and Noncy collect the ten presents from the village.

DERRICK:
Is that all of them?
CHIPPER:
Let me count!
CHIPPER:
<counts>
Two. Four. Six. Eight. Ten!
CHIPPER:
All ten are here. Maybe a little snow damaged, but they are here!
DERRICK:
Good, lets bring them back to the sleigh and get loaded!

Act 4: Scene 3

Chipper, Derrick and Noncy arrive in Santa’s village to search for presents

ELF:
We still cannot find the ten missing presents!
ELF:
I sincerely hope that you had better luck than we did.
CHIPPER:
Sure did! Lots of luck!
NONCY:
No worries at all, we found all ten!
CHIPPER:
Worried? You were worried!
NONCY:
No I wasn’t.
CHIPPER:
He doesn’t like to admit it, but he was worried.
DERRICK:
Are all of the gifts loaded into the sleigh?
ELF:
Sure are! Except for the ten that you three have with you!
DERRICK:
We shall load these gifts and then be off into the sky!
ELF:
I hope that you know what you’re doing!
NONCY:
I do too!
DERRICK:
Watts told us everything we need to do.
CHIPPER:
With Rudolph at the lead, he won’t let anything bad happen to us!
CHIPPER:
<pets rudolph>
Would you boy?
ELF:
Yes Rudolph. You will have an interesting first trip then.
ELF:
Just make sure to feed him compliments every so often.
CHIPPER:
I know that I sure will. My, what a thick coat of fur you have Rudolph!
RUDOLPH:
<nods his head back and forth>
DERRICK:
Everyone in the sleigh! We don’t want to be late!
NONCY:
Or caught! Has anyone thought of the fact we must enter a chimney?
CHIPPER:
I sure didn’t, but a little soot never hurt Santa!
CHIPPER:
Just think of all of the delicious cookies!
CHIPPER:
Oh and the milk to wash it down with!
NONCY:
Oh me! You’re right!
DERRICK:
We can think about it in the air! Now hop in!

Act5: Scene 1

Chipper, Derrick and Noncy in a sleigh fly overhead

CHIPPER:
<looks off the side of the sleigh>
We’re flying!
DERRICK:
Yes Chipper, we were flying on reindeer earlier!
CHIPPER:
But this is a lot faster weight eight reindeer!
CHIPPER:
So what is keeping us up?
NONCY:
The speed and might of eight flying reindeer.
CHIPPER:
Wow we just flew by the Frost Forest didn’t we?
NONCY:
The first stop according to Santa’s map is a little farm town!
NONCY:
What if they are using their fire places when we arrive?
DERRICK:
They wouldn’t dare on Christmas Eve.
NONCY:
Oh they would dare. Do you know how cold it gets without a fire?
CHIPPER:
I have an idea if they have fires going.
NONCY:
What is it?
CHIPPER:
We leave the gifts on the door step!
NONCY:
That doesn’t work. The Queen would have the gifts snatched before morning.
DERRICK:
Originally that was not a problem. People left their doors unlocked for Santa.
DERRICK:
But then when the Queen came into power.
DERRICK:
She forced her husband the King to make a proclamation.
DERRICK:
The King made everyone in his kingdom lock their doors at Christmas.
DERRICK:
That is when Santa started having to drop gifts down the chimney.
CHIPPER:
I thought he climbed down the chimney!
DERRICK:
Some houses yes. He holds his breath and sucks in his belly.
DERRICK:
Then leaps down the chimney to leave presents.
CHIPPER:
Is that what we’re going to do?
NONCY:
I hope not. I fear the idea that there might be fire waiting for us!
DERRICK:
I have an idea! We just dump a bucket of water down if we hear fire down below!
NONCY:
A wondrous idea! My feet will sure appreciate that!
DERRICK:
Here is the first house!
NONCY:
What of rats?
DERRICK:
What of them?
NONCY:
Farm houses have rats and mice. If they squeak and wake anyone up we will be caught!
DERRICK:
So we avoid them!
CHIPPER:
Or give them some cheese!
DERRICK:
Sorry Chipper, there wasn’t enough room for snacks in the sleigh.
NONCY:
I have another concern.
DERRICK:
Yes Noncy what is it?
NONCY:
How do eight reindeer and one huge sleigh fit onto a tiny rooftop?
DERRICK:
You don’t know?
CHIPPER:
I don’t either.
DERRICK:
Santa sky dives off the sleigh?
NONCY:
Oh me! Oh my!
DERRICK:
Relax, I’m not serious. He just finds a clearing to land.
DERRICK:
Which we are over the first town, we should be searching for a place to land!
CHIPPER:
I see one!
<chipper points to the ground>
DERRICK:
I cannot find any place more perfect than that! Good eyes Chipper!
CHIPPER:
But they’re not beautiful like Rudolph’s eyes!
CHIPPER:
Hear that Rudolph?
NONCY:
I don’t think you said it loud enough.
CHIPPER:
<yells>
Hear that Rudolph?
NONCY:
That’s not what I meant.
DERRICK:
Lets just land. You both should get the gifts into one of the smaller bags.
DERRICK:
I will get the ladder when we land.

The sleigh lands, Derrick gets the ladder. Chipper and Noncy get the gifts.
They walk into the woods nearby.

Act5: Scene 2

Derrick, Noncy and Chipper pop through the fireplace of a cabin.

DERRICK:
<shhhh>
Quiet and be careful to mind the mice.
DERRICK:
<points to the tree>

The three elves cautiously avoid farm mice and place gifts below the tree.
They whisk up the chimney from where they had come.


Derrick, Noncy and Chipper pop through the fireplace of a cabin.

NONCY:
Who designed this house?
DERRICK:
<shhhh>
Quiet now, don’t wake anyone.
DERRICK:
<points to the tree>

The three elves cautiously avoid farm mice and place gifts below the tree.
They whisk up the chimney from where they had come.



Derrick, Noncy and Chipper pop through the fireplace of a cabin.

NONCY:
Another house, another tree.
DERRICK:
<shhhh>
Quiet Noncy! If we are caught the guards might come in.
DERRICK:
<points to the tree>

The three elves cautiously avoid farm mice and place gifts below the tree.
They whisk up the chimney from where they had come.

Act 5: Scene 3

Derrick, Noncy and Chipper are back in the sleigh.

NONCY:
How many houses left to go?
DERRICK:
<checks the list>
With three done; Only a few million.
NONCY:
Oh me! Can we not just skip the houses of the children who are bad?
DERRICK:
Even if we did skip the houses of bad children, they would have a good brother or sister.
NONCY:
This will take far too long. Look at the time!
DERRICK:
<looks up to the stars to tell the time>
You’re right!
DERRICK:
These three houses took far too much time!
CHIPPER:
Maybe if these houses didn’t have such squeaky mice, we could move faster.
DERRICK:
Its not that.
CHIPPER:
Then what is it?
DERRICK:
I guess that its true.
CHIPPER:
What’s true?
DERRICK:
No one but Santa can do this in a single night!
NONCY:
Oh me!
NONCY:
Oh my!
CHIPPER:
So what are we going to do?
DERRICK:
We are going to press on.
DERRICK:
We are also going to hope that Elfra can rescue Santa before the end of the night.

This has to be the longest post that I have ever seen... EVER