[Writing] ITT: NAMKCOR posts poetry

Hidden in Night
-----------------------------------------
Late in the night
when lieth the sleeper
hid from the light
the lonely night creeper
And this moonless night
so quoteth the creeper
does the darkness look so much deeper

on through the night
roamed the night creeper
'till behold he a sight
the noble night keeper
and upon the night creeper
bestowed a gift the night keeper

wrapped up in foil
a bow blood soaked red
the lonely night creeper was puzzled
and said
why this gift have you given me?
I am but a creeper
a lowlife you see
shouldn't gifts be for those
more precious to thee?

And smiled at he
did the noble night keeper
and said to he
the lonely night creeper
yes a lowlife you are
and yes but a creeper
and yes gifts are for those you hold dear
but soon my friend
soon you shall see
that that gift is truly meant for thee

And home he scurried
the lonely night creeper
scurried and hurried
from the noble night keeper
and set down the gift
and untied the bow
and ripped up the foil
and lifted the lid

And what my friends
was the lonely night creeper
given to him
by the noble night keeper
the box was opened
the trappings strewn
and inside the box
in the creeper's room

was nothing
----------------------

eh I try

I liked it actually. the word night was too repetetive though. I'd suggest giving the "night" keeper a new name.

it was meant to be repetitive
and why give the night keeper a new name?

I thtink it might be too repetetive, it trips up the rhythm I think. and I said to change the name to get rid of the "night"s. It's your poem though, so if you feel it works it works.

well either way, thanks for the comment, I wish I could get some more

Heheh.... NOTHING!

I love how you ended it off balance with a twist. It remind me of the surprise symphony.

Whoa, it's Tsuno. Didn't know he was still at the forums. Anyways, I feel like I've heard this before, but that feeling of Deja Vu comes to me way too much. Anyways, I liked it.

Whoa, it's Tsuno. Didn't know he was still at the forums. Anyways, I feel like I've heard this before, but that feeling of Deja Vu comes to me way too much. Anyways, I liked it.

You're probably thinking of "The Raven" by Edgar Alan Poe.
http://www.famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/edgar_allan_poe/poems/18848

It has a similar structure. There are probably poems closer than this, but I'm to lazy to search.

@NAMKCOR - Once again, great job. ::

Heheh.... NOTHING!

I love how you ended it off balance with a twist. It remind me of the surprise symphony.

thank you very much, that's what I was going for
glad you liked it

Lol, the poem was very delectable and I wish to order it again sometime soon. Anyways, I also remember a poem of this format where there was a baseball player that builds up suspense to after the second strike and the n00b strikes out, lol.

it's a common thing to build suspense etc...

glad you liked it, thanks for the comment