As I laid in bed, the sun roasted objects which began to start appearing like blobs. Angered by this the first thought to ring in my mind was, “Damn!” If the sun was waking me up then that must mean that may alarm didn’t go off. As I stood up I decided to check the time, I might be able to make it to work on time, but of course it was already quarter to noon. I grasped the phone tightly licking my lips looking for something to drink. I decided then that I would be better off if I just called in sick.
Then while finishing a small glass of water some urge came over me, I’m not sure what but it was strong. It was at this time- for the first time in my life- that I might have an oral fixation, so I then searched my house for some gum. To my surprise my house had absolutely not one stick of gum. I dragged my body over to a jar where I keep my spare change, saying, “I want my gum, and damn right I’m gonna get it!” My words were shattered when I realized, my cash bowl was out of change.
If I had no money in my cash jar I would find some around my house, and thus the search for change began. I had looked everywhere all having no meaning, but I did find a variety of lost goods, watches, magazines, coupons, TV remotes, but only one mattered to me, and I found that object under my couch- my wallet-.
The roar of my engine shook my body like and earthquake as I pushed down the pedal. Of course as if my day could get any worse I got stuck at every traffic light on the way there, and I got held up by a train, but not just any train, one being driven by some asshole who thinks its funny to reverse right when he’s almost done. Enraged by this I decided to honk my horn; it wasn’t long before we had a group of people honking along. One of the horns had a very unique sound; like the jingle for a commercial. It soon passed and I continued on my way to get some gum.
As I entered the door to the variety store I heard a ding, which was expected, but the thing I was not expecting was to see a man in a mask holding up the store clerk. I did a 180 turn and almost made it out, soon enough the gun was pointed at me, and at this time the shop keep pulled out a rifle, and pointed it at the crook. “I seem to have all the luck today,” I said with a hint of sass. The crook was told to put his weapon down, and the police arrested him. I later learned the clerk’s name, Jenny.
Jenny and I later decided to go see a movie. The popcorn was over priced and I could have sworn I saw something move the popcorn, but I didn’t whine because I wanted to make a good first impression. As we sat in the movie I let out a loud but quiet yawn as I stretched out my arms. She then asked if this was a lame ploy so that I could get my arm around her, “If I wanted to do that I would do something along these lines.”
I stood up and left the theatre for a moment. I used this time to take out popcorn corneal wedged in between my teeth that had been bugging me for the past twenty minutes. I then waltzed back into the theatre and headed back for my seat, faked a stumble and I put my arm around her chair for balance. “I would do that.”
After the movie in the lobby of the theatre I asked which she preferred chocolate, or vanilla, which was followed by the question is this your way of flirting? All I said was “do you want it to be?” and she laughed. She then got into her car, and headed home. I went to do the same.
As I returned to my car I was amazed to see that all of my tires were slashed. I quietly said one phrase to myself, “it could be raining,” which wasn’t the smartest thing to do, because by saying that it of course made it rain. So I walked home in the rain hoping my car wouldn’t get toed. I finally got undressed and as I was just lying in bed, my alarm went off, and I opened my eyes.
Yeah.
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