[Writing] Nightmare (Jappy had that one month ago)

[JAP]

A poem...

Nightmare

The river of time froze
Like the immortal rose
Clocks were useless
Because everything was endless

Every moment was so sacred
Yet empty, since they were unnamed
Life seemed like an empty shell
While earth felt like a hell

Each second was a bona fide
Each place was a counterfeit
Nothing and no one was authentic
Even though they were specific

Couples of death didn't please me
Artificial tears were so beautiful to me
In this green room, blood was really red
I wonder if I could go back to bed

-----00-----

I'm too lazy to submit it to Writing.com...
What do you think?

[biohazard]

Nightmare
The river of time froze
Like the immortal rose
Clocks were useless
Because everything was endless

Every moment was so sacred
Yet empty, since they were unnamed
Life seemed like an empty shell
While earth felt like a hell

Each second was a bona fide
Each place was a counterfeit
Nothing and no one was authentic
Even though they were specific

Couples of death didn't please me
Artificial tears were so beautiful to me
In this green room, blood was really red
I wonder if I could go back to bed

-----00-----

[/quote]
I bolded the things that need to ryhme. (or sound better)

[JAP]

Nightmare

Each second was a bona fide
Each place was a counterfeit
Nothing and no one was authentic
Even though they were specific

Couples of death didn't please me
Artificial tears were so beautiful to me
In this green room, blood was really red
I wonder if I could go back to bed

-----00-----

I bolded the things that need to ryhme. (or sound better)
[/quote]

Aren't authentic and specific rhyme?

[biohazard]

wait wait, it was supposed to be counterfeit that was bolded.

[Arrow]

No no, change nothing, I disagree. It's perfect.

[JAP]

Thanks.
I got that scary nightmare...
That I'll die the next day.

It's not that scary, but it.. somehow, it haunts my mind.
So I decided to get rid of it by writing a poem.
And that's the result.

I thank you too, Biohazard.
I still have some problems with rhymes, and you point it out.

[Arrow]

The cool thing about poems is they sound better without a set rhyme scheme.

[Winged]

I've forgotten how my nightmares were, I kinda stopped after when I was about....11 I think

I love this poem and I agree with arrow1 that it is perfecto~

~Winged

[JAP]

Thank you! x3