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[Writing] A Walk - Pt. 1

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   When I woke up this morning, the first thing I noticed was the condition of light in the room. It wasn't dark enough to indicate that last struggle of brightness before dusk comes along, but still held some of that twilight quality. I thought about rolling over and drifting back off, but I knew that when I finally got my lazy ass out of bed, I would end up feeling like I missed the whole day. That's a pretty shitty way to feel.
   I threw the covers off me and went to the bathroom sink. As I stood and brushed my teeth, I thought about the summer, and wondered how it could've gone by so quickly. When I was younger, the seasons seemed to last a hundred years. Now I could already see the frost beginning it's steady climb up the windows, and wondered if there would be a lot of snow this winter.
   I rinsed my mouth out, took a piss, and jumped in the shower to wash the night off myself. The hot water quickly fused with the cold air, and steam began to fill the room. It cleared my sinuses, and began to kick-start my long process of awakening. I suddenly realized that I felt great, and started to hum a little bit of a melody that I thought of. I turned the water off, toweled myself dry, and walked back to my bedroom to dress.
   The bedroom wasn't exactly a wreck, but it wasn't clean either. It was in the kind of state where you would invite people over, but apologize for the mess when they arrived. I pulled on a pair of jeans, and was about to reach for a t-shirt, but then I remembered that it was probably too cold for it, so instead struggled into a hoodie that was lying on the floor, still half inside out from the last time I wore it.
   My next stop was the kitchen, where I pulled the can of coffee grounds from the closet, and dumped a small mountain into the filter. I'm not normally a coffee drinker, but I love the way it makes the house smell when it brews. Don't ask me why, but I've always associated that smell with cleanness, or new beginnings. With the coffee tended to, I looked for something to eat. There wasn't much, but I managed to find a Nature Valley granola bar that felt like it would hit the spot. The creeping scent of roasting java beans started its trek from the machine to my nostrils, and my waking ritual was nearly complete. I unwrapped the granola bar, and took a small bite. I didn't think I was very hungry, but before I noticed, the bar was nearly gone. I grabbed a mug from under the sink, filled it with the high-octane coffee, and flicked off the power switch.
   I wanted to get out of the house, but it was too early for anyone to be around, so I put my shoes on and decided to take a walk. It had been a long time since I roved the neighborhood, and I decided that I wanted to see if everything was still the same. Sometimes the things around you had a way of changing while you weren't looking, and one day you noticed that the park you used to try and steal kisses from your childhood crush in was now a mini-mart. I thought about grabbing my iPod for some music to listen to, but figured that I could use a little time away from the electronic handcuffs that this age of living had locked around me. Locked around all of us, I guess.
   I opened the door, and was immediately struck by the rush of cold, mid-autumn air. I used to love this time of year when I was younger. It reminded me of Halloween parties, and jumping into piles of dead leaves. These days it just seemed to make me think more and more about the unrelenting rush of life, and that familiar sense of nostalgia began to creep its way into my heart. I closed the door and locked it, coffee cup in hand. I thought twice about bringing it with me, so I took another sip and set it down on the table next to the door. I wouldn't need the extra hassle of carrying something unwieldy along with me.
   The sidewalk still had the same cracks in it, and the grass still had that familiar green-brown tint signifying city lawns. The sky was overcast, and by the look of it, I wouldn't be waiting long for that snow that I thought about earlier. My breath visible in small puffs in front of me, I walked down the street, towards 7th. Mr. Langley was outside spraying weeds in his small allotment of sidewalk, and I raised my hand in a wave.
   "What happened to the warm weather?" He said.
   "You know, I was thinking almost that exact thing this morning."
   He smiled a sort of half smile, and wiped his hands on his pant legs.
   "Well, no matter. Summer will be back around before you know it, and then these damned weeds will be back to haunt me. Say, did you read the paper this morning, by any chance?"
   I don't normally read the paper, or even watch the news. Lately, it's only been stories of horrible things people do to each other. Oh, and the occasional president-getting-a-blowjob story. Those were sort of funny.
   "No, why? Something good happen for a change?"
   Mr. Langley laughed. "I only wish. I guess there was some sort of break-in at the Aquasan plant last night. They say two people were arrested, but at least one other got away."
   My heart skipped a little beat at that. These days, you never know what some people are apt to do. I tried to control a shudder, but I think a little of it broke through, because Mr. Langley's expression changed very slightly.
   "I'm sure it's nothing," he said, "I just wonder why anyone would want to rob a water treatment facility."
   I told him I wouldn't know, and faked a little smile. I began to feel a little uneasy, and wanted to get away from this conversation and continue on my way.
   "If I hear anything else, I'll be sure to let you know," I said "Have a good one, Mr. Langley."
   "Call me Ted. We've lived next to each other for a few years now, lets lose the formal titles."
   "Alright, Ted. Take care of yourself."
   "Only if you do the same," he replied.
   I continued my way down the street, that uneasy feeling clearing from my mind and dissipating in the brisk breeze. I only looked over my shoulder once, but when I did, my thoughts turned to Lot's wife, and her punishment for looking back. I didn't know it then, but that would be the last time I saw Ted Langley alive.


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« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 10:01:00 AM by boe »

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A good short read, i'd like to see more.

Also I made it easier to read by fixing the indention too often. :|

Spoiler for:
   When I woke up this morning, the first thing I noticed was the condition of light in the room. It wasn't dark enough to indicate that last struggle of brightness before dusk comes along, but still held some of that twilight quality. I thought about rolling over and drifting back off, but I knew that when I finally got my lazy ass out of bed, I would end up feeling like I missed the whole day. That's a pretty shitty way to feel. I threw the covers off me and went to the bathroom sink. As I stood and brushed my teeth, I thought about the summer, and wondered how it could've gone by so quickly. When I was younger, the seasons seemed to last a hundred years. Now I could already see the frost beginning it's steady climb up the windows, and wondered if there would be a lot of snow this winter.
   I rinsed my mouth out, took a piss, and jumped in the shower to wash the night off myself. The hot water quickly fused with the cold air, and steam began to fill the room. It cleared my sinuses, and began to kick-start my long process of awakening. I suddenly realized that I felt great, and started to hum a little bit of a melody that I thought of. I turned the water off, toweled myself dry, and walked back to my bedroom to dress. The bedroom wasn't exactly a wreck, but it wasn't clean either. It was in the kind of state where you would invite people over, but apologize for the mess when they arrived. I pulled on a pair of jeans, and was about to reach for a t-shirt, but then I remembered that it was probably too cold for it, so instead struggled into a hoodie that was lying on the floor, still half inside out from the last time I wore it. My next stop was the kitchen, where I pulled the can of coffee grounds from the closet, and dumped a small mountain into the filter. I'm not normally a coffee drinker, but I love the way it makes the house smell when it brews. Don't ask me why, but I've always associated that smell with cleanness, or new beginnings.
   With the coffee tended to, I looked for something to eat. There wasn't much, but I managed to find a Nature Valley granola bar that felt like it would hit the spot. The creeping scent of roasting java beans started its trek from the machine to my nostrils, and my waking ritual was nearly complete. I unwrapped the granola bar, and took a small bite. I didn't think I was very hungry, but before I noticed, the bar was nearly gone. I grabbed a mug from under the sink, filled it with the high-octane coffee, and flicked off the power switch.
   I wanted to get out of the house, but it was too early for anyone to be around, so I put my shoes on and decided to take a walk. It had been a long time since I roved the neighborhood, and I decided that I wanted to see if everything was still the same. Sometimes the things around you had a way of changing while you weren't looking, and one day you noticed that the park you used to try and steal kisses from your childhood crush in was now a mini-mart. I thought about grabbing my iPod for some music to listen to, but figured that I could use a little time away from the electronic handcuffs that this age of living had locked around me. Locked around all of us, I guess. I opened the door, and was immediately struck by the rush of cold, mid-autumn air. I used to love this time of year when I was younger. It reminded me of Halloween parties, and jumping into piles of dead leaves. These days it just seemed to make me think more and more about the unrelenting rush of life, and that familiar sense of nostalgia began to creep its way into my heart. I closed the door and locked it, coffee cup in hand. I thought twice about bringing it with me, so I took another sip and set it down on the table next to the door. I wouldn't need the extra hassle of carrying something unwieldy along with me.
   The sidewalk still had the same cracks in it, and the grass still had that familiar green-brown tint signifying city lawns. The sky was overcast, and by the look of it, I wouldn't be waiting long for that snow that I thought about earlier. My breath visible in small puffs in front of me, I walked down the street, towards 7th. Mr. Langley was outside spraying weeds in his small allotment of sidewalk, and I raised my hand in a wave.
   "What happened to the warm weather?" He said.
   "You know, I was thinking almost that exact thing this morning."
   He smiled a sort of half smile, and wiped his hands on his pant legs.
   "Well, no matter. Summer will be back around before you know it, and then these damned weeds will be back to haunt me. Say, did you read the paper this morning, by any chance?"
   I don't normally read the paper, or even watch the news. Lately, it's only been stories of horrible things people do to each other. Oh, and the occasional president-getting-a-blowjob story. Those were sort of funny.
   "No, why? Something good happen for a change?"
   Mr. Langley laughed. "I only wish. I guess there was some sort of break-in at the Aquasan plant last night. They say two people were arrested, but at least one other got away."
   My heart skipped a little beat at that. These days, you never know what some people are apt to do. I tried to control a shudder, but I think a little of it broke through, because Mr. Langley's expression changed very slightly.
   "I'm sure it's nothing," he said, "I just wonder why anyone would want to rob a water treatment facility."
   I told him I wouldn't know, and faked a little smile. I began to feel a little uneasy, and wanted to get away from this conversation and continue on my way.
   "If I hear anything else, I'll be sure to let you know," I said "Have a good one, Mr. Langley."
   "Call me Ted. We've lived next to each other for a few years now, lets lose the formal titles."
   "Alright, Ted. Take care of yourself."
   "Only if you do the same," he replied.
   I continued my way down the street, that uneasy feeling clearing from my mind and dissipating in the brisk breeze. I only looked over my shoulder once, but when I did, my thoughts turned to Lot's wife, and her punishment for looking back. I didn't know it then, but that would be the last time I saw Ted Langley alive.

I don't know if you were trying to make it so jagged, but I think that is easier to read, all I did was combine a few shorter paragraphs, nothing more.

Also, your amount of character thought is a little overwhelming for myself, but that is just me, I don't write the same way you do lol.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2008, 07:18:24 AM by Anski »
you awoke in a burning paperhouse
from the infinite fields of dreamless sleep

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I appreciate you editing my story for me, but I do the paragraphs where I think they're supposed to go. Changing them makes the flow of the story change. I'll be adding more to this as I have the time to.

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That was interesting, I enjoyed it a lot. Please write more.