[Writing] COTS:The basis of a story.

Hello everyone.  I have been, for a while now, working on this project.  However, it has been hard to come up with a few things...that is mainly why it's not very complete yet :\.  Still, this is what I have so far. 

Some of you may have seen it all ready, but I'm just posting this here to get comments and help and all that.  Please be serious if you are going to give comments, I want no spam here.

Here are the character's, I shall update with more information as I get to it.

Someday, when I finally get good at drawing I'm hoping to be able to make some sort of comic-thingy out of this.  Maybe someday =D




=========Children Of The Sin=========

Characters.


Lance
Age: 16
Gender: Male.
Weapon: His Father's sword.
Bio: When he was but a young boy a terrible fate was bestowed upon him.  It was his birthday, the happiest time for him: it was a time when his family was finally all together.  They were finally able to spend time with one and other.  Seeing as how his father was usually always away from home and his mother was busy with other things...they did not spend much time together, at all. 

It was going to be a suprise: the sword in which Lance was fascinated with.  Sure, swords were a bit dated...but Lance seemed to always prefer them.  It was his fathers: a sword in which held many stories and secrets, buffed up and completely redone to suit yet many years more.  Lance had been sent to town.  His home was away from the rather small town, near a lake which held crystal-clear water and was the perfect place for boating, trouting, and many more activities.  It was more peaceful there.

However...when he arrived home he was indeed granted a great suprise.  A suprise which surpassed all other gifts in his life.  One in which he would never forget.  The grotesque sight of his parents mangled corpse lay before him.  The room was stained with their blood: red rivers of death ran along the floor from their decapitated bodies to form larger pools of the substance.  On the floor, under the severed limbs was a banner marked with the words "Happy birthday" on it.  There had also been a cake on the table, which was by now, blood-covered and ruined.  He had been shocked.  He could not move, breath, think, anything.  Everything had left him.  However, he managed to pull himself together enough to run screaming back to town for aid.  But of course..it was already to late for his parents.

He got help.  But he later thought it useless.  He was given the word he was meant to get as a suprise.  One of the villagers offered to clean it fr him..it was the least they could do.  They offered to help him more, but were rejected.  Lance was now forever stricken with that image engraved into his head.  Burnt there, staying to forever torture and torment him whenever he dared to dream.

Later, when the war started, Lance was forced to join.  And thus begins his story.


=================

Aika
Age: 15
Gender: Female.
Weapon: Gun.
Bio: Aika is but a young girl who was taken from her family.  When the war began the soldiers from the GEN society tore through her city, killing everyone who was of no use to them and taking those who were strong enough to fight with them.  It just so happened that Lance had been there.  Lance stopped the soldiers from killing her and brought her back to the base himself.  However...he could not do the same for her family, seeing as they were dead quite a while before he arrived.  She often wonders what his reason was.  Whenever she tries to ask him he ignores her.  She usually gets fed-up with Lance, but still sticks by him.  She is currently in custody of the GEN society.  (GEN being short for Generation).

=================


Anite
Age: 23
Gender: Female.
Weapon: Creta and swords.  She refuses to use new-generation technology.
Bio: Anite is a member of TESTAMENT.  This group thinks of the world as a living, breathing organism and refer to it as "Mother Gaia."  They believe that if humans interfere to much with it, then it will defend it's self and wipe everything out.  So, because of this, they are strongly against the GEN Society and their beliefs. 

Anite was sent into the HQ of GEN in order to retrieve and send back information from GEN to TESTAMENT.  She is a sneaky, powerful and strong-minded young woman who will do anything in her power to please her superiors and bring down GEN.

=================


Ren
Age: 7-8 in appearance.  In reality he is around 2-3 years of age.
Gender: Male.
Weapon:
Bio: The youngest member of the GEN Society.  He is one of Einte's creations: a homunculus or sorts.  He, unlike the others, refuses to fight .  This is usually suspected to be because of his defection.  He was flawed when he was created and needs a special creta in order to regulate everything in his body.  This stone is embedded into his chest, and is one of his great weaknesses.  He is usually seen gallivanting about the HQ with Aika, trying to keep her company.  To Aika, he is the only one worth talking to at the HQ.
=====================================


Villains




Einte Terrin
Age: 38
Gender: Female.
Weapon: Strong physical and mental abilities.
Bio: (Only a short bio can be given here without giving away to much.)  Einte, while she was younger, studied alchemy with her best friend Blain.  Blain, of course, was considered to be her boyfriend. 

However...one glorious evening they had both finally managed to crack the secret: the secret to creating the philosophers stone.  Once this news got into the hands of of TESTAMENT, however, they quickly took matters into their own hands.  Fearing for the future of their mother, they were quickly ordered by their leader, Wilheim, to hunt down and exterminate the two alchemists before they put their theory's into action.

Einte managed to escape Wilheims grasp...but by the sacrifice of Blain.  She was stricken with sorrow and guilt, feeling that it was her fault that everything happened.  She regretted everything.  But then it finally hit here...if she was to truly create the stone then she could bring him back.  She tried to do so.  She even created a homunculus just in-case it didn't work out right...which it did not.  Her experiments with the stone failed and she was badly wounded.  However, she was able to transfer her soul to that of the Homunculus and obtained an image that sort of resembled her former one.  Doing this, however, drove her to the brink of insanity: If she could do this continuously...then she would forever try the experiment until she managed to bring Blain back.


However, like most people given the taste of power and eternal life, Einte soon forgot about this goal and went on to test her experiments further.  This led to the creation of GEN.

Here is some art of her:  http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k52/YashaKodachi/ColorEinte.jpg
It was not drawn by me.



Wilheim
Age: late 30's.
Gender: Male
Weapon: Strong mental abilities.
Bio: Leader of TESTAMENT, Wilheim seeks to bring the secret of the philosophers stone into his grasp so that he can maintain the balance and protect mother gaia from harm.   He is overwhelmingly strong, but usually does not show it unless it is a dire situation.  He sent Anite into the GEN society in order to gather information for his use. 

Wilheim is not considered 'evil' by anyone in particular.  However, he is placed in the villains category of the story.

Gods

Lilith/Gaia
Age: Unknown
Gender: Looks to be a female.  It dosn't REALLY have a gender though.
Weapon: None
Bio: Mother of souls: Lilith.  A faceless female figure which resides within both gate and the soul plane.  All souls cycle through her and are a part of her.  Everyone who dies return to her: she is the mother of life.  She has one appeared to one person in a physical manner; Wilheim.

========================================================================================

Here is a very quick summary of the story.  I shall greatly reword it after. 




Lance, a young boy, lost his parents at a young age.  This nightmare forever pesters him, gnawing at him, hoping that he will eventually cave in and submit to the pain.  While growing up he shunned everyone who ever tried to help him.  He was traumatized by what he saw that day and every time he dared to dream it came back to haunt him.  He had been afraid...afraid that something terrible might happen again if he was ever to get close to anyone else...so he just kept to himself.

However, when the war comes about, Lance is forcefully made to join the GEN Society (GEN being short for Generation.)  A society that wished to advance the world and forcefully shove it into the future.  The boy was made  kill and to show no mercy to those opposed GEN, so he eventually was attuned to the sins in which he was made commit: they were part of his daily life now.

However...while out on one certain mission he happened to come across a young girl:  Aika.  When he saw her something snapped inside of him, it fixed it's self and for one instant showed him something which led him to save her.  Aika was just as confused as he was,  but was never able to pry the answer from him.  Lance was able to convince their leader to not kill Aika, so she took custody inside of the HQ, making friends with one of the children there.  The child was no normal one though, he was a walking weapon, one of the leader's tools.  She saw something in him though...something that no one else had.  He made her feel comfortable and sometimes helped her get to Lance on some occasions.   Even to this day though, Aika still has not been granted her answer.



TESTAMENT, an anti-GEN society that was formed ages before GEN sent one of their best into the innards of the GEN HQ in order to retrieve information and send it back to their leader: Ephiam.  TESTAMENT was a group that thought the world was a living, breathing being and that if GEN continued to do what they did then the earth would punish all humans and purge it's self of it's sickness.

Now, both the past and future will collide to unfold an even greater story.  The story of a boy and a girl who are the keys to mankind's survival and the story of a love that was torn apart by hope.

And so it begins....





(I am currently re-writing the phrase above to give it some depth.)


Well..I have discovered some things I might need to change. 


I have found out that Testament is already in use by some Xenosaga game...so I don't think I can use that.  Also, I might need to change a few names on people and  redo their profile a bit.  Einte, Lance, Wrath, Ephiam, Aika and Anite have no concerns as of yet because everything I have planned out for them fits perfectly into their biography.  However, if you think something needs changing please tell me.  Lot's of people say this is a real original idea.  However, I have been having mighty doubts ever since I started watching Fullmetal Alchemist.  The whole deal with souls and stuff has got me thinking I should change some things.  But..if I did that then everything would have to change and the story would be totally screwed up. 

So, for now, I shall keep everything the same.

But please, post your comments or anything you think about this.  I'm trying to make it good but I can not do so without help.  Thanks

Prologue: Lance-The fleeting dream.

   "It both began and ended that day..."


   "M-mom...d-dad..  Mom, DAD!!" The piercing scream shattered the peace that once was.  The sun began it's departure down into the depths of the hills again, resting until it was called upon yet again to illuminate the lands.  A young boy just stood motionless in the doorway to his home.  As the sun inched it's way down it caused the young ones shadow to grow, to lengthen.  It did this until the shadow lingered over the blood-stained, mangled corpses which upon the hardwood floor in a heap before him.  At his feet there lay a small bag filled with small objects, mainly food.  he dropped it upon sight.  He stood there, motionless.  His breath had been robbed from him, he was pinned to the floor, unable to move any part of his body.  This boy lay in total, supreme shock as to what was displayed it's self before him.  Red rivers of death trickled from the bodies to the floor and rapidly joined a river of the substance which passed over a white banner until it stopped, building up in a small dent, then continued on again.  Upon the banner were the words "Happy Birthday".  It would have looked wonderful: It sparkled gold and silver, it's words a dark, ocean blue which were lain upon a white background.  Now, however, most of the beauties were erased.  It had been taken and stained.  It had been stained with something that would never withdraw it's self.

   Trees passed like small sticks in the wind as they flew passed the young boy.  His dark brown hair dancing behind him as he ran.  He struggled, tripping and stumbling about like a drunken fool as he ran.  He just continued to run.  No matter how tired he grew he just ran and ran. He headed  the direction of where the lights illuminated the sky above- the nearest town.  He had to get help.  Someone, somewhere had to help him.  He was terrified and tried to blur out the image he was a witness to but it did not work, it had already taken it's place in his memory, digging it's way in so it would never be forgotten.  A plague. 

   The town drew near.  The sun above finally began it's slumber as one-by-one the stars emerged and the moon made it's self known by illuminating the land in a dull white light.  Sadness lingered in the air.  This night brought about with it a certain feeling of sadness which would not leave.  The sadness was that of a great loss, a growing pain. 

   From the darkness of the forest came a gallant light.  The brightness enveloped the town as it's people walked the streets, talking to one and other and engaging in conversation. "It's a beautiful night.." said a man who looked to be in his mid-to-late forty's. He wore a pair of dark-rimmed glasses atop his nostrils, held in place for his eyes.  His tacky  red shirt held within it's pocket a box of cigarettes.  The man scratched at his leg as he stood talking to a rather young woman who wore casual clothing.     
"Yes, it's wonderful.  First night out in a long time since the rain started."
'Yup.  It stayed with us for quite some time.  Strange how quickly the weather changes, though."
The man lifted his arm and fixed the positioning of his glasses with his forefinger as he looked to the car which just pulled to a stop.
"A lot of people around at night these days, ain't there?"
"I suppose it's only because they can't do much during the day.  It's been steady work for the past few days.  The days we do have off though it usually rains and were stuck inside anyway. " the young woman said as she bent to pick up the leather purse which lay sleeping by her feet. 
"Hey." A younger voice erupted excitedly from the car as out popped a  young, red haired boy.  "Pop! do ya have any more toys for me today?" he asked as he ran over to the old man who greeted him with a hug.  The old man made a jolly laugh as he ruffled the young boys hair
"Kyle! be polite to your grandpa.  He can't have a new toy for you every time you come to visit." exclaimed the voice of a beautiful woman with lush, gorgeous long wavy  red hair which stepped from the car wearing a gray worksuit with a light-gray skirt.  The woman held a bag in her hand which was circular in shape.  She grasped it firmly and made her way up over the wooden steps to the balcony the three stood upon. 
"Well, I-"
"Someone...s-some..one please.." She had been cut of by the faint groaning of a child. 
"What in the hell..? The old man's sight was placed upon the young brown haired boy as he wobbled into the village and stood motionless for a minute.
" Ain't that...lance?" one of the two women said in a faint tone of voice which rose with deeper intentions of questioning once the name had been mentioned.
"The hell is he at out here? Didn't he leave an hour ago to head home?"
"Someone...someone please help me!!" the boy blurted out as tears trickled down over his dirty, pale cheek.  He then just collapsed.  Everything feel into to silence and darkness.  The only thing that remained was that one image: the image of the mangled corpse.




Ugh.  Well...I tried.  Please tell me what you think be it good or bad. Is anyone actually interested in more?