Storyline Help Offer

I've been told that when it comes to stories, I'm pretty good. I have my friends begging for more at the moment. If anyone is having trouble, I might be able to help with storyline or character development.

prove it that you're good....you have to prove yourself lol...just give me the story of your game if ya have one

All right, here are the basis of my storyline. I used it to play off of the original characters that everyone seems to hate so much...

You start off with Arshes, though you don't know his name, Hilda, Sirus, and Gloria. The other three get killed and the Arshes character is kidnapped. I even have bloodied sprites for all of this.

He awakes in a cold room of bodies with three other people. The world is a cruel, heartless place. People and villages are slayed on the spot if only to keep a name. However, your story doesn't place out in the outside world.
You lay there in the confines of that room, the other three are unwilling to save your fleeing soul. At last you are approached by the little girl Anna, who reveals herself to have the Gift, a long last power to heal. At last you awake and the four of you, after arguing how you got here, decide to head out. You find that you can't remember who you are, and soon enough the other three clarify they are useless.

As you head through the castle, you find it empty. There were bodies in that room, but too few to populate the castle. As you head through, you find yourself heading through other worlds. And soon you find that someone has taken credit for your handiwork. They have stolen the identity you cannot remember. What you thought of yourself, believing you good and righteous, was a lie. You are proven to be no more than a toy, an expirament, and now you must make the choice of how you will play out your new role...

That's all I have for now. Each world will be based around different mytholgy, but I just came up with this idea a couple of days back.

Have I proven myself? Or should I give you something more? O.~

it's not bad....but the beginning reminded me of a little of "Saw"

I saw the second movie, but that was AFTER I came up with this...so yeah...

I say he gets kidnapped . . . by someone who looks just like him and claims that the hero stole his identity and he is reclaiming it.

Then we add a second character:

His twin brother, driven by the hate and neglect suffered from living in his brother's shadow, has murdered his friends . . . out of love. (Twins have a very complex love-hate relationship. I am one, so I know).

Some ideas to consider:

- These worlds occur within the hero's subconscious, therefore, they are reveries created to interpret different parts of an unstable state. The girl and the characters are either superflous reflections of the character, mental interference from a possible mind-rape the hero is going through, or symbolic reflections of unresolved problems. In a twist, the girl has villainous motives that require her to awaken the characters.

- The girl's power to heal conceals a dangerous and lethal secret - she absorbs damage into herself, and steals parts of their soul / identity / memories in the process, leading her down a path of personality change and mental self-destruction.

- The girl swaps health - by switching conditions with someone else "connected" to her to someone she wants to heal.

- The healing is illusionary and actually a means of disguising symptoms or confusing the character.

- In healing, the solution is temporary, but the problem comes back worse. Much worse (compremised immune system / immunal deficiencies).

Last word - the story is too much like Saw. I would say "inspired by", if not the exact same setup using the cliche of a healing girl to get the story going.

Second Last Word - Those characters killed in the beginning can have some importance. If it's a psychological thriller likewise to ideas I've suggested above, you can use them to "mind-fuck" the hero with an appearence and go as far as to use them anyway. Also, their deaths could have been made-up - an illusion.

The real point is that killing off three characters without any development. To solve this problem, add characters to the story to create a connection between these characters and the main hero. That could mean antagonizing the hero by guilty assumption - he could have actually killed them himself in realtime, but subconsciously fabricated a convenient memory - i.e. they were killed by someone other than himself.

This creates a paradox - he did it but didn't do it. To make sense of this you create a character that is only real to the hero but not real to anyone else. This character has his or her own identity to start with but soon changes since to resemble the hero more. The reason - he IS the hero - or rather, a part of him.

Take it a step further and have this murderous aspect able to manipulate, control, and blow people's brains out with his mind . . . in real time. It creates another paradox: how can a character that doesn't exist have an effect on something that does.

The truth leads you deeper into the hero undrestanding both himself and the world around him.

Thanks for the advice. I was debating on some ideas with this, but I wasn't going to state them till I was sure of what I am doing. I will certainly take them into consideration.

Not quite sure where this would go... but it seems better fitting in Resources.  

could I get some help?
well basicly you first HAVE to get some berries from the woods after you need to go to the waterfall, but you get attacked and thrown down the waterfall...thats all I got

I need a better story for my project "World traveler".

Do you think this story's awful?:

the story is about a boy (Or girl) whose parents are divorced, so s/he live with his/her mom or dad (Depending on the character). Everything was going fine until a portal opens up from the sky and sucks him/her into another world. s/he has to find a way to get back home! Meanwhile, there's a cult that's trying to rule all worlds.

If I said something stupid, let me know and I'll delete this message.

This is not bad.

  You... really think so???

Don

Thanks for your opinion!