[Writing] The Blood Falls

I know I just posted a topic on a story but I also have this. This is my creation in it's infancy. I would like to go on and maybe make a book of this.

It's a bit big so I'll make it as an attachment kay?

Tell me what you think! 

Just to let you know, we've downloaded this and will be taking a look at it sometime tomorrow (more than likely). Looking forward to reading it.

Thanks Eden! I appreciate it! 

Would you rather me tell you my comments as I go or in one big post once I've finished reading? It will take me a little bit to get through it  

I just finished reading it and I loved it. You're really good at setting tone and developing characters, and for something in such early development it's pretty well fleshed out.

I have other things to say, but I'll talk to you about it later because I have things to do like cleaning and packing But it's very good~

Thanks for taking the time to read it guys! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. 
I'm glad I'm finally sharing my work with people, after all, whats the use of writing if no one cares to read it?

LadyJ, you can do which ever is more convenient for you I don't mind.

What we have to say so far pretty much matches what Halo said: characters and atmosphere are definitely your strong points, and for something in such an early stage of development, it seems pretty well thought out with a nice cast of important characters. The only real weaknesses so far seem to be overall pacing (it jumps around a lot) and your spelling and grammar. Well, grammar mostly, your spelling mostly seems fine (except you sometimes use the wrong word, like "innocents" instead of "innocence"). There were also some tense changes from present-tense to past-tense, so I'd recommend staying in past-tense, as that's the easiest tense to write large stories in.

Those would be the things I would focus on when editing or revision time comes around, though. For now, just work on getting those characters, that atmosphere, and that story down on the page. Technicalities like grammar and such can be worked out later, the most important part is getting what you need down first (and that's the story, you know)!

Good luck working on this.

I don't think past-tense would make much sense, and writing in present-tense gives the story more of a sense of urgency. I don't think the use of present and past-tense is an issue, it was pretty obvious when a character was recollecting on an event and when another event was occurring presently.

But I'm also no writer, either. :p

It wasn't as clear to me, as I thought almost all of what was happening had previously occurred. If that's not the case, ignore the comment about tense issues and I'll just have to read more closely in the future.

EDIT: To clarify, I meant things like this: "What problems I do not know, but was very eager to find out." Present-tense to past-tense. Should have been "What problems I do not know, but am very eager to find out."

I get what Eden is saying, I know I tend to do those things a lot... Hopefully in time I'll be able to temper those things out.
Thanks for your time guys! I really appreciate all your help!

You guys rock!