Jokes

[Rhamises]

Currently, it's raining so hard..
Child: Dad, why didn't you water our plants?
Dad: Can't you see it? It's raining son.
Child: Use your head dad! Use an umbrella.

One day in a class..
Teacher: Anyone here knows Albert Einstien? You John?
John: No ma'am, I don't know him.
Teacher: You Heather?
Heather: No ma'am, I don't know him either.
Teacher: So, how about you Peter?
Peter: No ma'am.
Teacher: What!? You don't know Albert Einstein?!
Peter: No ma'am. Maybe he's on the other section.

Hehe!

Post your jokes here. So everyone can laugh or at least smile. Laughter is the best medicine. Let us cure our boredom by reading our jokes.

[Dwarra?]

Uh... it might help to actually post jokes in the topic.

Question: Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
[spoiler=Answer]He was hit by a bus.[/spoiler]

[pacdiggity]

Why did the plane crash?
[spoiler=Answer]Because its pilot was a loaf of bread.[/spoiler]

Why did Sally fall off her bike?
[spoiler=Answer]Because Peter threw a fridge at her.[/spoiler]

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]Because it died.[/spoiler]

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]It wanted to follow the first one.[/spoiler]

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]Peer pressure.[/spoiler]

Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]It thought it was a game.[/spoiler]

Why did the kangaroo die?
[spoiler=Answer]It got hit by four falling koalas.[/spoiler]

Did you hear about the band who left their keys in their van?
[spoiler=Answer]It took them half an hour to get the drummer out.[/spoiler]

[firerain]

autistics (autists?) shouldn't be allowed to make jokes.

[Moss.]

jokes aren't funny unless there's shock value

[Moss.]

two pretzels were walking down the street, and one was assaulted

[pacdiggity]

They say there's safety in numbers.
[spoiler=HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO BAD]Try telling that to six million Jews.[/spoiler]

I'm depressed just by typing that. Enough shock value, arl?

[Moss.]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

[spoiler]To whom.[/spoiler]

[Jonesy]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

[spoiler]To whom.[/spoiler]

Oh god, I love it.

--

So man is walking through the woods at night with an 8 year old boy.
The boy looks up at the man and says "I'm scared."
The man looks down at the boy and says "You're scared? I have to walk back out of these woods alone."

[Rhamises]

Do you believe in love at first sight? [spoiler]Or should I pass by again[/spoiler]

Guy 1: Men, I'm so drunk! It's like i will never reach my home walking.
Guy 2: Ugh, Me too, I'm so drunk. Hey Look! The houses are walking and just passing by!
Guy 3: Oh. Then, let's wait for our houses to come by.

Do you have mirror in your heart? [spoiler]Cuz i can see my face in it[/spoiler]

You're like TABLE OF CONTENTS? [spoiler]Cuz you're the topic of every pages of my life[/spoiler]

Miss, can i sit beside you during exams? [spoiler]Because i feel perfect beside you[/spoiler]

Are you good in math? Specifically in algebra? [spoiler]Can you substitute my x?[/spoiler]

[Holkeye]

What's the difference between someone who tells dumb jokes, and a bucket of shit?

[spoiler]The bucket.[/spoiler]

[Jules]

Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke.
Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over, lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbilly's buddy says "ya know, I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it"

[pacdiggity]

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.

A German, an Italian and a Frenchman are watching a play.
It didn't get many bookings.

Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they're all dead.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?
Regress.

A baby seal walks into a club.
...

[Dwarra?]

A man and his wife are in the bathroom getting ready for work when their 4 year old daughter walks in. The daughter sees her mother's breasts and asks "Mommy when will I get those?" The mother replies "When you're older, honey." Then the father gets out of the shower and the daughter sees his penis. She asks him "Daddy when will I get one of those?" The father leans in and whispers in her ear "As soon as your mother leaves."

[cozziekuns]

[spoiler=Another Anti-Joke]
Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
[/spoiler]

[strike]

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eXj97stbG8[/yt]

[Dwarra?]

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
[spoiler]Christopher Walken[/spoiler]

[yt]3GWJC7tlYck[/yt]

[Rhamises]

One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]

[Sophist]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

[spoiler]To whom.[/spoiler]

Let's make love in the moonlight arlen

[pacdiggity]

One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]

That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!

[Sashikinaroji]

http://youtu.be/zSTEqHxh3fI

[Dwarra?]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

[spoiler]You said you wouldn't forget [/spoiler]

[Rhamises]

One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]

That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!

hehe yeah yeah. why do you need to say that im a phony, im not funny? the first three sentences is enough.

[Sashikinaroji]

One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]

That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!

hehe yeah yeah. why do you need to say that im a phony, im not funny? the first three sentences is enough.

It's important that you know. It will help you in life.


A boy in the sixth grade comes home and announces to his mother,"I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned, and tells her child, "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
[spoiler]"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me." [/spoiler]



Ryan rings his boss at work and says"Look,i`m really sorry,but i can`t come to work today,i`m sick".
"Sick!" screams his boss "Sick! This is the tenth time this month, Ryan.Exactly how sick are you?"
[spoiler]"Well",replies Ryan."I`m in bed with my 9 year old sister" [/spoiler]



oh yes...

[strike]

Booooooo. you suck! hisssss. boooo again.