Rate my story

this is the title of a game I'm trying to make..
the bkg is not mine, i just edited it
chronicles of the alchemist
for centuries, alchemists have tried to recreate it-
and for centuries they have failed to do so
but they know it exists.
the power to travel time
One boy is destined to create it-
but fated to destroy it...
have any story ideas???
EDIT:my main hero is not a swordsman, but an alchemist-
i dunno.. some kind of mixture of potioneering and magic...  

So what you want someone to come up with the entire story arc for you?

Sounds good. Just remove the destiny thing, that is very overused

This isn't a story, it's a starting point.
I for one can't tell you if it's good or not because there's not nearly enough to go on.  Frankly, the idea of alchemists trying to find time travel could be good or bad depending on the actual story, how it pans out, the character development, and many other factors.

ya its ok but its a little overused in my view...

thanx i'll improve it
@nekollx: not the full story..
i just don't know where to begin