It has feeling, and that's a plus, but it's very 1 2 3 4 and mechanical. Try variegating your rhythms. The lower piano is fine, it's arpeggiating a chord, and that works, but the upper piano is playing quarter notes every beat along with it, and it gets a little grating and robotic. Use some rhythmic embellishments.
http://www.harmony.org.uk/book/voice_leading/melodic_embellishment.htmThis article isn't 100% pertinent to what I'm talking about, but maybe it will give you some ideas. Instead of 4 quarter notes, try 1 dotted quarter note, 2 eighth notes, etc etc fancy up the melody.
BUT DON'T RUIN THE FLOW by over-embellishing.
Also, there were a few sour notes, but I kind of liked it that way. Sounded haphazard, but in a good way.