Rate my story, please.

Basically it starts with you waking up and going into the village, but you soon realise you are still dreaming.

Although possibly slightly confusing you are dreaming that you are dreaming etc etc etc.

Each dream you wake up from you wake up into another dream - It's quite a deep chain of dreams so it takes a while to properly wake up.

Every dream you must be prepared because the boss can be anyone. Upon beating the boss of whatever dream you are in, you wake up into the same house but with different surroundings.. Eventually you die in the last dream (I can't think how yet) and you wake up, but you don't actually know you've woken up, and to play a joke on you in the game your brother plays a trick, you think he is a monster, kill him, then kill yourself because you feel so guilty.


Good or bad? Or too complex? It'll be a lot less complicated when you actually play it.

Depressing. And a very unrewarding way to win a game. Killing off the main character can be cool, but not suicide after a series of fruitless adventures.

Thanks for the feedback. Any ideas for a better ending?

I thought of a character idea, he will apear in every dream and he's sort of insane and comical but he seems to be the only one who is conscious of whats happening in every dream, and he hints at events that happened in the last dream

EG: a hole apears in a building, in the next dream he might say he was payed to fix up a hole in a wall in the village.

Alright I decided to scrap the suicide and the brother bit. I still haven't thought of an ending but because I'm definitly making it I posted in Projects instead.
@red, ok, sorry.

There is an edit button. Please use it

Yes edits would be nice,but also as the Story goes make sure it all fits into place.Don't just say you wake up in another place,use in game Color Graphics periodicly changing enviroments as to keep it new everytime,but I give a 7/10 because the game has a good potential,but a repeat in wake ups with a depressing way of gameplay is not to popular.But Good

The word Dreams makes me really wary of this story. There is nothing more annoying than finding out "it was just a dream". However, a series of dreams actually sounds all right, if you could pull it off well.

If you did this, I'd recommend each dream being separate, with a theme that ties them all together. You'd need to use an Action Battle System I think, it'd be a bit awkward using a default RPG battle system for a dream.

This story does give you power to explore a whole range of different time zones within one story, and it'd certainly be a project that'd be hard to grow bored of.

Make sure you've got your idea sorted out (roughly, mind) before you commit to this project.

To sum up: I think it could work, but make sure you sort it out first.

Actually, I think this could work out. Unfortunately, you make a really really depressing way to continue the story. I think there should be rewards as well. Any way...

Here are my few recommendations for the story:

-Change the "rules" per dream. This is not only more dynamic in story, it's also more dynamic in game play. For example, you might to medieval, modern, fantasy, realistic, etc. Especially since the character has to gain ground and try to understand it.

-You can't feel pain in dreams, right?

-I think there should be characters who are parallels of each other. Some characters almost transfer over to other dreams but not quite different. These characters can have the "you give me deja vu like I met you before" style and this way he can actually gain companions. Even if not total companions.

-The character should have a pre-story as to why he's going through vivid, and unfortunate, dreams. Like the American show House, M.D. The asshole doctor gets shot, goes through a series of dreams where he thinks he's dreaming, wakes up, and dreams again until he learns to not be a total ass. Sort of. Either way, there comes a meaning and more symbolism with this sort of thing. Also makes more sense, can explain why certain occurring elements in his dreams occur.

-Finally, don't give him a sword dammit! XD Just too cliche. I'm just kidding, but seriously, don't overdo the sword thing.

That guy sure is a heck of a deep sleeper! =)

I think it'll turn out to be a great game, but to make it really cool, you definitely need a wonderful ending to it. The game would be sort of pointless without one......

But overall, I love the idea of the game and I hope it works out for you!

sounds ALOT like Inception. It would be a good idea

I like the idea alot, actually. Especially with the edits you made along the way, lol. Actually, the part where you kill your brother, then yourself should be a possible bad ending? Maybe have a small chain...each dream could have 2 ways of completing it, and you could just use a small karma system. Or possibly, just make it so that a few dreams might branch off, then end up with a few more possibilities.

Some ideas to help you
The idea of him gettingthe same companions but their a little different in each dream is good, but do it to our hero as well, sometimes hes a spear man, sometimes swords, sometimes he has magic, sometimes not.
You could presumably keep his level the same just change the skills out. And the karma idea is good.
Ever See Vanila Sky or any of those dream world movies, at the end your still not sure if it's a dream and have to make a leap of faith to either wake up or continue the dream.
Make this the choice with his brother, give him a inner conflict

"my brother is a prankster, maybe this is one of them." vs "oh great this is another dream, another monster to slay." Make each dream also have this kind of end and so when in the real world the weight of that final decision (maybe with optional "am i really sure i want to attack him" or even just removing the option outright so all he can do is attack or play along with the prank) is bassed on what he did in his dreams. Basicly the dream conflicts let the player choose his personality but adjusting a variable

"kill dream" vs "non kill"

so the final real world decision is based on the balance of those

nice story, bad ending, as somebody said
"no one wants to work hard, and level up his character
just to die at the end 

Player death (permanent) is a tricky thing to pull off correctly. Even then there's a spectrum of difficulty to be considered depending on how it's done. A player who dies a heroic death (Defeating the final boss, annihilating the dark spire and going down with it in a glorious, yet tragically inescapable explosion) is a lot easier than a suicide death, which I would put at the opposite end of the scale.

In the heroism example, it's easier because you instantly sympathize for the death of the indisputably selfless 'good' guy. You believe him to be justified for putting the lives of many ahead of himself.

In suicide, you open a whoooooole lot of doors for disagreement, disgust, controversy. If the player doesn't support the reason behind it, or morally finds the concept repugnant, you're not just taking away from the immersion of the game but catapulting them out of the 'zone' and into a solid brick wall. The experience is a rough and ugly one, and at so critical a moment as the ending can almost devalue the whole game up until that point.

Just be careful with how you work this one out.