[Writing] Libro Of The Soul - Redwyn's Personal Poetry

Heyo everyone.

So after taking the time to type up all the poetry I've wrote in 3 years, I've decided to post it. Now, to clarify I didn't write these poems to be poems. I wrote them as an outlet for my emotions and some of them are and are not poems at the same time.

A lot of these would classify me as emo, but I don't give a fuck. I wrote these to express the world inside of me. If you enjoy any of them, great! If not, sorry but don't say anything "constructive" since, as I said before, only wrote them for an outlet.

#1 - Dedicated Love

Spoiler for:

At the morning break of dawn I wake.
In the glittering evening I break.
In the mist of twilight I cry;
For you are the only one that I have wanted.

We share each others pain, slowly in the rain.
Though I feel that one day we will break.
I will stand here by you, until I crumble.
So please my love, why won't you see....
That you are hurting me....

#2 - Just For You

Spoiler for:

I won't drown, because of you.
I won't cry, in front of you.
I won't hurt, when your around.
I need to be strong, all for you.

I won't drown, hurt or cry.
In the midst of your presence.
To cast aside my feelings....
Is the only way....
To not harm you.

#3 - If I Never

Spoiler for:

If I never said those words, would you show a non strangled smile?
If I never shown I cared, would your life be happier?
If I said I don't love you anymore.... Would you rejoice or cry?

I shouldn't have said my feelings, even if they were strong.
Seeing you this way makes me feel wrong....
I wish every day now, when my head is down;
That I never expressed my feelings to you.

It just kills me inside, that I see you like you are.
This is just another reason for me to hate myself....
But, how can I stop loving you when your almost like me.

I'm attracted to people's pain, because I've felt my own.
I wish to make you happy.... But this wish is just making it worse.
If I didn't mess up my chance.... Asked too early....
Would this have never happened?

I don't know why I gave you those today....
I knew in my mind that I should have added:
"Burn them or throw them away, I have no use for them."
But I did not, and I didn't see them in your hands as you walked away.

Today I feel like dying, but what would that accomplish?
Even in all this pain.....
I'll stand my ground.....
While my tears stain this paper.

#4 - Feelings

Spoiler for:

Breaking down, shattering myself.
Ashamed, terrified, broken....
Hating myself for my paranoia,
Hurting myself for my sins....

Broken the one I love, I lose my strength...
I want to speak, but I'm afraid of just making it worse.
I wish she could stare, stare at me....
If that stare could kill, I'll take it gladly.

Bothering to type, I don't know why.
I just want to try something....
I've shattered myself, fear is the mind killer.
Strength is gone, but I just can't end it.

Sitting in my own grave, breaking down at every breath.
I wish I hadn't done what I did...
Turn back time - I need to rewind.
But that isn't possible, only my own self endorsed ruin..

#5 - Edgar's Soul [Combination of Edgar Allen Poe's poems, no credit to me I just stringed it together]

Spoiler for:

A world of sweet and sour
Where the people do not dwell:
No rays from the holy heaven come down
Where the melancholy waters lie.

Resignedly beneath the sky -
By what eternal streams -
But evil things in robes of sorrow:
A play of hopes and fears -
Mere puppets they, who come and go...

By a route obscure and lonely,
Shattered memories of the past -
For the heart whose woes are legion
And thus the sad soul that here passes.

His soul was a stagnant tide:
Eagerly he wished the morrow,
Vainly he had sought to sorrow.
Deep in the earth his love is lying
And he must weep alone.

#6 - Broken Vow

Spoiler for:

Breaking my vow, I did allow
Furious cuts of pain grace my skin.
The lonelyness devoured my heart
From the rejection of my most beloved.

Secrets I will not tell stop me from saving
The time I used to have - ruined by others.
Watch, my dear onlookers, as I break myself -
Cut open my flesh - and pour uncoming tears.

My love for her won't fade.
I love her more than life.
It brings an end to mine
To see her pain.

Torture to me, knowing I can't be
Even a pillar of happiness.
Instead I am contributing
To her eternal sadness.

#7 - If It Works

Spoiler for:

Cut me open, so it's not on you.
Bring me down, so you can raise up.
Kill me now, so you don't have to take your own life.
As long as you don't hurt yourself.

It makes me drown, to see you crying
But it makes me soar, to see you smiling.
I'd follow you anywhere! Even through death.
Just don't be sad.

I'd do anything - if it works
Just to see your glorious smile.
Everything I do, will always be for you.
All because... I love you.

#8 - No Thought

Spoiler for:

I find myself in a writer's block:
As blocking as love is to my heart.
The dark obliteration which devoured my mind
Is not sated.

Reflecting upon what I feel -
I cannot write which won't be real.
No inch of acceptance...
Only dank depression.

Not given the chance to show my sweetness -
My heart deteriorates in to ethereal gray;
Now much shorter than I expected
The feelings flow from irate desires.

Manifested in my soul - it grows
Blackened, maddened, it creeps and crawls -
Soaring above my saddened walls
Like a bleeding seagull.

Infecting my mind, I realize the truth -
It is called loneliness, the hole I felt all along
The only thing in my soul...
And now I desire: No thought.

#9 - Her

Spoiler for:

When I see her smile -
Fake or not -
My eyes go blind
From the radiant beauty.

My eyes go blank, but I smile widely.
Along with her beautiful smile
Her embarrassed laughter deafens me -
Yet it makes me eternally: Happy.

Everything I say to her is true
Every little thing she does:
Her divine smile, her cherubic laughter
Makes me so happy to see her this way.

Dear Girl,
I love you more than life.
I'll do anything to make you smile -
Even as just a friend...

#10 - My Everlasting

Spoiler for:

All these feelings: unwilling and yearning...
Never will they be - always just inside me
But I won't falter from my one goal -
To make her smile.

Her smile is the sweetest thing in the world to me;
It's an indescribable beauty that I always desire.
She may claim differently, but I'll prove it to true.
Always and forever will I love and cherish it.

Her rare angelic laughter is more than I can handle.
It makes me want to protect it forever -
I want to be it's savior -
To protect it forever.

Always and forever, my everlasting feelings.
My love for her, my overwhelming desire...
She alone is what my heart and soul needs.
So I'll do everything to make her happy.

#11 - Done Again

Spoiler for:

Here I go again, hurting her once more.
I tried to prove her beauty, and failed.
She said: "Don't waste time on me."
But I'd give my whole life for her.

My soul, my heart, and life
I'd give to her - to prove everything
But it hurts... my feelings.
For her, and myself.

She's beautiful to me - everything I desire.
She's not a waste of time...
I'm a loser for not being able to stop loving her,
Yet I don't want to stop...

I hate not having her,
I hate loving her.
My love is painful to her.
Being unrequited is painful...

What do I do? How can I stop?
I deserve no one, but just want a few
So what do I do?

My mind is wracked with guilt.
Pain and loneliness devour me -
Anger breaks me open -
I wish to hide my ugliness.

So if I took my heart out
And squeezed the blood out,
I can stop loving her?
Sure, because I'm dead.

She doesn't want me.
I can't find anyone else
I hate being so selective
So disliked...

I just want to know how to stop...
How to be liked...
I want to be desired
But I never will be.

#12 - Unwanted Butterfly

Spoiler for:

Fluttering on in soft summer breezes
A group of butterflies drift onwards
All vibrant in color: beautiful!
Except for one.

Different than most - yearning to be known -
Going unseen in the midst of shimmers.
It is as sweet as the nectar in the flowers it rests upon...
But sweetness is always over picked by beauty.

No matter how hard it tries for love
There is always another that is chosen.
This poor, unwanted butterfly will float on
All alone until it fades away.

#13 - Wrongs And Rights

Spoiler for:

Love for a woman that relates to me.
Love for a socially unaccepted fantasy.
Love for a word that dominates our hearts.
Love for a feeling that flows from deep within.
Love for a want that combines freaks and sins.
Love for a confusion that muddles wrongs and rights.
Love for a hope to become unbroken.
Love for a sorrow of rejection.
Love for a double edged sword.
Love for a girl that wants no more.
Love for an undesired taboo.
Love for a secret lucid dream.
Love for a drowning soul.
Love for a Mad Hatter insanity.
Love for a locked away secret.
Love for a hateful reality.
Love for someone I'll never receive.
Love for an overwhelming desire.
Love for someone I'll never receive.
Oh, why must so be a love I cannot speak.

#14 - It's All Okay

Spoiler for:

My mind has been consumed by ghastly fantasies.
Yet I still swing on a small sense of sanity.
My heart has been enclosed by iron isolation
Yet somehow it still pulses with life.

I've been through the world's crushing realities
And I've sorted through the mind's falsehoods.
I've felt like the pain would slaughter me
But I'm still here - Here in a world where it's all okay.

#15 - Relievement

Spoiler for:

Like so many... In our world
I'm lost and confused as to who...
Who I am to be?
What is reality?

And even though I say:
"I'll live on just alright
Cause the world is just fine."
I still shy away from the world in a mask.

I have a girl (Who might rock my world)
That I love and adore (Even when she breaks my mask)
But just like a cheater
I have other loves.

One I have - Oh, it's one so painful!
Slish slash, drip drip drip!
A shard in my heart that I find hard to remove
But I enjoy the wound - in a sadistic way.

Society now would look down upon this
Because now I don't care to say:
My love and I are connected by a bond -
A bond of related blood.

Am I insane for this love?
Am I now a dirty creep in your eyes?
My brain is in shackles -
I'm trapped in closing walls.

In the walls surrounding me
I scream until my heart implodes
(Mmm! Gooey and delicious!)
And cry my little heart out.

She doesn't love me.
She is unable.
She is lost too.
That was the first attraction.

I dislike this yearning taboo...
I feel crazy!
Koo coo nipple hooo!
Yet, seriously...

Life is a bitch
That is always bleeding out the ass.
But I love it so dearly
For the lovely experience.

#16 - Poser

Spoiler for:

Yes, I'm a poser.
A poser to your eyes.
And I always will be
Because of little fucking diseases like you.

I don't know how to act
Around the piece of shit insecurities
That the human race is.
Exceptions are the ones you cast out.

I try to make people happy
I be nice and hold the door for them
Yet nearly every one of you fucks spit on me -
Make fun of me for trying to make you laugh.

Fuck you, you little backstabbing cockroaches.
Talking shit behind my back?
Lying to my face, saying you didn't take part...
Typical, disgusting human nature.

Yes, I am a poser.
I don't belong anywhere.
I'm one of the rare people
That try to belong - but get pissed on.

#17 - Deja Vu Staccato

Spoiler for:

My soul is a staccato sound
Detached from the world,
Walking through hallways:
Eyes to the floor, empty.

Everyday is the same routine
People talking through me -
No existence -
Making gossip to their little groupies.

My soul is a staccato sound
Alone in the world of two faced liars;
Walking through the halls
Of a world that dislikes me.

I want to die.

#18 - Found To Burn

Spoiler for:

I found a piece of myself
While searching for a heart.
I grew to learn
That long ago I had to burn apart.

I lost myself, yes
But for good reason.
Secrets that I blocked
Unlocked by the smoke of Bale.

I keep losing myself
But for a good reason.
Piecing myself together
Just how I think I like myself.

#19 - Smoke Rises

Spoiler for:

Water falls
The wind blows so slow...
A man sits in a rocking chair -
Cigarette ruined life.

I wonder who this man is.
What's in his thoughts, his heart?
Why does he look so sad?
He and I alone in this place...

We are puzzles pieces -
Our personalities and minds torn asunder.
We love a forbidden fruit;
Cast away from the word we defied.

He and I are the same.

The smoke rises in front of my eyes
Blank, watery eyes.
The ashes dying - falling down with the dripping blood
Gun on the ground, hole in my heart.

#20 - A Piece Of My Insanity Pie

Spoiler for:

Sometimes I dream
Oh! What a dream!
Dark and delicious to a part of me -
A piece that just wants to see you bleed.

I call it a piece
A part of my mask...
Crimson mask of insanity.
Different parts of a non-existent... Me?

I can't tell anymore.

I can tell though
That sometimes I think -
I'll strap your ass to a chair
In a location far away.

Only I can hear you scream!
When I cut you open - nails holding you down!
Laughter filling your entire soul...~
Like a little boy once said: "Oh! Oh! Your tears sustain me!"

I heard you say once -
When I was still in control -
All because of my appearance...
"That boy creeps me out!"

Now you can see just how creepy I can be;
As I take your meat
And your succulent blood
To make my famous
Insanity pie.

#21 - Why?

Spoiler for:

Hello my beautiful, do you still believe in love today?
Do you still have that overwhelming feeling of joy...?
Joy when we hold each other close - eyes and lips locked?
Today is the day that I confess the truth...
Why do you have such anger
Anger against me over simple things?

You call me hurtful words when all I do is apologize.
I don't even do half the things your past loves did.
Apologies go through your ears as lies.
Did you ever think about this after we fight?
I put up with this shit because I love.
Love - Do you call me these hurtful things out of that?

#22 - I Wrote For Love

Spoiler for:

I wrote a poem
To express my love
To a girl
Who tore it up.

I wrote a poem
To praise the beauty
Of a girl
Who claimed none.

I write my poems
To give love -
To give confidence -
While I receive none in return.

#23 - Long Ago

Spoiler for:

Forgive me for the past
It never lasts - I was just a human.
We change.
Love is fleeting.

Personalities morph
To bright stars,
Drug addicted souls,
Destroyed hearts.

All three you made me.
But I forgive you -
It was just the past;
We never did last.

#24 - I Made A Choice

Spoiler for:

She is the one I love.
Through every choice she makes
I'll follow her from the sidelines -
Forever in to the mysteries.

I want to at least see her through our lives.
If she marries, if she has children...
If she gets hurt I will try to take care of her
And, if physical pain comes to be, I'll return it to thy giver.

If she wishes me to disappear from life
I will comply.
Unknown to her, I will be her servant from the shadows.
I will watch how her life goes while mine passes by.

She is my uttermost seizure inducing drug
But unlike most addictions - I will survive
As long as she is satisfied -
Even if it is to die.
I'll follow her close behind.

#25 - Fleeting Dust Of Our Time

Spoiler for:

Spin on the sundial
Specks of sand in eternal waltz.
In seconds, death and life flourish.
All fleeting dust in time.

No time to recognize others
Only time to try to become rainstorms in blazing dunes.
We are tiny specks of grain
Blown back in the embrace of our Mother.

No time to appreciate.
No time to understand.
Only seconds before we become
Fleeting dust of sand.

#26 - Anguish

Spoiler for:

If I am, what you call
The most disgusting, of them all
I'll take a knife to my hands
And carve your name in both of them.

I'd tie you down in ropes and chains
And smother you in your blood made name -
Just to show you your vanity
And bring truth to my insanity.

#27 - Poem To N.S.

Spoiler for:

A gentle word like a spark of light,
Illuminates my soul
And as each sound goes deeper,
I find a newfound joy in my life.

For whom defines beauty,
In both body and mind
Your soft, gentle face
More beauty I'll never find.

Firstly, your hair;
Such shine so beautiful;
A diamond on your finger couldn't compare
To you're beautiful flowing locks.

To your eyes,
Lustrous cocoa skies;
Dark amber gems
Crafted from heaven itself.

Lastly, your lips:
An alluring soft pink;
Which makes me yearn
To match them with mine.

To my eyes,
Your a beauty which I can't define -
And so I hope I won't confine
Such a ravishing goddess.

#28 - Desire For You

Spoiler for:

A rapacious petal fell down on me -
Took my hand and set me free.
Precious to the touch, I fell head over heels
With a declaration of desire for you.

I'm in love with a radiant smile
Soft, luscious lips that makes my heart beat for miles.
I love having you next to me:
Which makes me feel high in ecstasy.

For as long as this petal holds my hand
I'll cherish her in our endless dance.
Desire for you helps me live.
I love you more than life, N.S.

#29 - My World Has No Love

Spoiler for:

Moonlight glare foretold to me
That morning gloom would bring tragedy.
Sure enough, my world came down-
And brought to view a travesty.

My world has no love for me:
A simple soul who got on his knees -
Proclaimed such love that the Gods did weep!
Only for the world to turn her back on me...

Unrequited he will be:
Forever through eternity.
Head over heels he will fall...
Only for none to have him at all.

#30 - Asunder

Spoiler for:

Thrown to the wind
You tossed me aside
Even though I lifted you high -
Proclaiming to you a love oh-so-strong.

Attachments cut like simple rope
Maybe I should just try dope!
At least then I'll know that something in this world
Will love me longer than you have.

I gave my heart to you -
Precious truths and virginities -
Yet now I see through blurry eyes
That you tossed me aside for another guy.

Afraid to tell the truth, you told a lie.
I've heard it before -
Once from a whore.
Why are people afraid of honesty?

I'm tired of giving it all
Only to have people let me fall
All to ones that lose love for me;
I'm just a fool who's been used like a tool.

...I seem to be
To ones such a thee -
Hormones changed with ecstasy -
Forevermore, a fantasy.

Why can't anyone keep a hold of me?

#31 - Shreds

Spoiler for:

I am the personification of a demon.
The definition of hideous.
Unsightly to the eyes.
To your eyes I'm ugly.

Unsuited to behold
Beholden to self alone -
Just slightly though to own.
Cast aside for beauty alone.

#32 - Teacher Of Thy, Oh Why?

Spoiler for:

A teacher of thy -
With looks that satisfy -
Distract my sights
With alluring tights.

Unable to do my work
I sit and stare
Shyly through my hair
Oh, the teacher of thy...

Well rounded bust
Coveted by skin tight low cut.
Near perfect butt
Near reality through form fitting tan.

Rapacious face of desired beauty
Autumn crown of falling leaves -
Perfect smile that avoids me -
Along with a quirky personality!

Teacher of thy, she drives me wild...
Yet it makes me wonder why
Such a woman that makes me high
Dances in my mind like a butterfly.

#33 - Man

Spoiler for:

Just because I'm a man
I'm thrown aside for ones like them
Even though I confess to them
My undying love for them.

I'm tired of being just a man -
A tool for them for just awhile -
I'm tired of watching them smile
When they toss me aside like a used tampon.

I try to give it my all
But they love to watch me fall
Just because I am a man
I'm ugly mascara to all of them.

Just a shadow of enormous monstrosity
I'll never achieve accomplished prosperity.
For all my "faked" merry "lies"
I just want to wither and die.

Maybe then I'll be reborn
I'll become a girl who is adorned
By the girls who used to despise
Just because I was a guy.

#34 - Beloved From Afar

Spoiler for:

Emotions typed with key strokes
Words defined with naked eyes
Yet I hope they are not lies
From the face reflected in camera's sights.

My savior's arms are long afar
My heart confines the electron's words.
Yet it's woes are one and whole...
All I can say is "I love you" from far away.

#35 - Tide Of Demise

Spoiler for:

My heart flows in bloody tides;
Infected by the moon of desire.
It imports the shells of demise
While exporting one thing:

Waves of unrequited, yearning, love.

Crash,
Contract,
Expand,
Boom.

#36 - Samantha Of Mine

Spoiler for:

Samantha my dear, I must confess
You look lovely in any dress.
Reflections of thy, stuck in my eyes.
Such a beauty I can't describe.

Samantha my dear, please take my hand.
Let me show you my grandiose plan.
Everything sewn in ties to you
Hopes and dreams abound, filled with you!

Chains of abstention disintegrated
By precious warming love that washes over me.
Now with savior hand in hand,
We set towards our unseen destiny.

#37 - Not What I Want

Spoiler for:

Take the hope that you received
And turn it in to something that you need.
If that's not I - don't worry about me
I won't break down in front of thee.

Once you leave I'll drop to the floor
With conflicting thoughts abound my soul
But since it's not I, I'll still be satisfied.
As long as you have what you need...
I won't break down in front of thee.

#38 - Can't

Spoiler for:

I'm not going to win the fight for the one who makes me feel right.
I'm not going to have what makes me high.
I'm not going to have what keeps from from crying.
I'm not going to be in the way... Am I?
I'm not going to cause her pain... Will I?
I'm not going to be loved like I desire.
I'm not going to keep getting higher.
I'm not going to realize it's a losing fight.
I'm not going to quit for what feels right.
I'm not going to cry in front of her.
I'm not going to be able to stop what I just said.
I'm not going to be free of my sorrow.
I'm not going to kiss her perfect lips.
I'm not going to think about her.
I'm not going to let this overcome me.
I'm not going to think about her.
I can't stop thinking about her.

#39 - Worthless Wings To The World

Spoiler for:

The world around me is a cage
Set ablaze with feelings such as rage.
Yet here I stand with roses in hand
Waiting to give my all to let NO ONE fall.

I see and see what people refuse to believe
I forsee the chances that won't be.
I'm a matyr with radiant wings
Left with no one to take a chance on me.

I've been alive for not too long
Yet I understand more than people blindly disbelieve.
A world of hate, rage, and sorrow
Such a world an angel can't even escape.

All I see that I try to set free
Instead take a knife and scorn me
Stuck in the cage we'll always be
Yet I still hope to set someone free.

But in such traumatic events such as these
I'm nothing more than a trivial wish.
My name is heresy to those who believe
In supposidely grander things that just...
You and me.

Am I to blame for my own downfall?
Or is it the ones who wouldn't give anything at all?
My heavingly wings I cannot use
I'm falling down in my own lone recluse.

I've sown my lips in needles and thorns,
Caught my wings on wires of scorn,
My back is lumped from lone depression -
This is how a Fallen Angel begins.

Whoa, quite a lot of emotion put out there. Nice collection. 

I'm glad you enjoyed them, thank you :]

I added in #36... But just know that #37 follows directly afterwards - they are connected.

#37's title is also a double meaning, I wonder... Can anyone here figure out what the 2 meanings are?

EDIT: Added #38, connected to 36 and 37.