Stuff White People Like

I have in my possession a book, entitled:
"The Definitive Guide to Stuff White People Like: The Unique Taste of Millions"

there are 150 entries of things that White People like, and descriptions of how and why they like them.

Post any number from 1 to 150 and I will type up the entry for you to read.
Some of this shit is hilarious.

69

42

42

Spoiler for 42: Sushi:

Regardless of whether they are vegetarian, vegan, or just guilty about eating meat, all white people love sushi.  To them, it's everything they want: foreign culture, expensive, healthy, and hated by the "uneducated."

But there are different levels of white-person sushi love.  At the bottom are the spicy tuna/California roll eaters.  These are the people who get their fix at places named Rock and Roll!, Magic Sushi Company, or Trader Joe's type supermarkets.  Often this sushi isn't the most authentic, but white people can't get enough!

The next level up is the entry-level sushi snob.  These are people who still love rolls but are willing to branch out to salmon and tuna sashimi, maybe even eel.

Finally, you have the white sushi snob.  Tehese people just take it all way too far.  Often they will sit only at the sushi bar, will try to order in Japanese, and will only order the omakase.  These people will often be extremely critical of anyone who eats a roll of any type or does not properly flip the nigiri into his mouth. 

When white people get sushi, they all want to order sake to complete the authentic experience.

So how can this information be turned into personal gain?

White people are obsessed with finding good sushi; therefore, if you offer to take them to "the best sushi place" in town, you are sure to have them accept.  If you are an Asian man, this is an almost no-fail method of getting dates with white girls, and maybe, just maybe, joining Bruice Lee and Paul Kariya's dad.

In addition, going out for sushi is considered a special evening in white-person culture.  Not as special as brunch, but still, it comes with expectations.

But what if the person you are interested in is a vegetarian?  Not a problem.  For some reason, most white people who say they are vegetarians will eat sushi.  Apparently, fish aren't cute enough to warrant inclusion with pigs, chickens, and cows.

69

Spoiler for 69: Mos Def:

In the olden days of white culture, people used to look up to kings and princes.  These were people they adored, and every night they wished and hoped that somehow they could wake up and be just like them.  But with royal families crumbling, that role has been filled by one man: Mos Def.

He is everything that white people dream about: authentic ("He's from Brooklyn!"), funny ("He was on Chappelle's show!"), artistic ("Have you heard 'Black on Both Sides'?"), an actor ("He's in the new Gondry film!"), and not white ("I don't see race").  he has done an amazing job of being in big-budget movies (The Italian Job) and having one of his songs ("Ms.Fat Booty") become a white-person staple but still retaining authenticity and credibility.

If you find yourself in a social situation where you are asked to list your favorite actor or artist, you should always say Mos Def.  That way you can name someone that everyone has heard of and you don't look like you are trying to one-up anybody.  The only possible negative consequence is some white people might think, "I wish I had said that first."

149

96

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

Sweet book, I have it too.

But not really, I just read the website.

149

Spoiler for 149: Self Importance:

Implied but not stated in virtually every entry here is the notion of self-importance.  Magically, over the past half century white people have been able to mask much of this self-importance through the arts, charities, nonprofit-organizations, nongovernmental organizations, and childbirth.

The life of every white person is worthy of a memoir.  Being born into a middle-class existence, having some difficult experiences in college, and taking a year off to teach in Asia/work in the Peace Corps/volunteer with Teach for America are all life stories realized only by a select few.  Unfortunately, the publishing industry can only put out so many books each year and white people have had to turn to an alternative means: blogging.

Due to an undying need to share their life story with everyone who will listen, white people have taken to blogging in massive numbers, though it is no surprise that many have simply turned their journals/diaries into blogs where they talk about the latest episode of American Idol, Darfur, their experience at a coffee shop, and their concerns about the future.  These were to be expected.

What has been less expected is the need for white people to document in blog format any experience that takes more than a week.  Pregnancy, vacations to Asia and South America, renovations, child rearing, and car restoration have all become blogs that encourage the rest of the world to take notice of the astute observations and talent of the undiscovered writer.

When a white person shares their URL with you, do not say, "Do I have to read this now?"  Instead, you should say, "I'd love to check it out," quickly read one post near the middle of the blog, and return to the white person saying, "Oh man, I saw that post on [insert topic].  It was great, I forwarded it to all my friends."  Doing this shows that you believe their life to be important and their presentation of that life to be worth your time.  Sadly, the temporary boost in self-esteem for the white person is the only benefit to be gained from the blog and your interaction with it.

96

Spoiler for 96: Having Children in their Late Thirties:

Of the white people who want to have children, virtually all of them believe that they will be parents between the ages of 35 and 40.

Raising a white child is not easy, and it requires an exceptional amount of money and paraphernalia.  Because of this, white people believe that it is impossible to properly raise children in their twenties.  This period of their life is generally devoted to living in a big city, finding a spouse, starting a career, and purchasing their first piece of residential property.

By the time white people have entered their late thirties, they have often acquired enough capital to afford a larger property in an acceptable neighborhood (suburbs are acceptable, but frowned upon), tuition for a private school, and the series of accessories and specialists needed to ensure the formative years of their white child will ensure future successes and acceptance into an excellent university.

It is also universally recognized within white culture that the late thirties represents the time when personal journeys of self-discovery and therapy have reached a point where the white person is in the right frame of mind to raise a child.

If you encounter a white person who is trying to produce a child in their late thirties and is having some difficulty, it is very important that you never ever mention that it might be due to their trying to have children so late in life.  Some better suggestions include "Did you smoke when you were younger?" or "How long have you been eating organic-only food?"

However, there are some exceptions to this rule.  In recent years, a number of white women have become obsessed with the idea of being "hot moms" and are having children in their late twenties so that they can check it off the life list of accomplishments and return to their journey of personal discovery.

14

Spoiler for 14: Having Black Friends:

Much has been made about the way that white people adore all aspects of black culture and history.  These days the majority of hip-hop, jazz, blues, and African-American history fans are actually white people.  Ask white people about Cornel West and they might be moved to tears of respect (very rare).  So it comes as no surprise that white people love having black friends.  They serve many valuable functions.

The most important role that black friends can play in white culture is that they can be used as physical evidence that white people are not racist.  Did you know that if you are able to acquire a friend of every race then you are officially designated as the least racist person on earth?  Though this is impossible, white people treat it the same way that Buddhists view enlightenment- unattainable, but with great virtue in the attempt.

Black friends can also be used to confirm that a white person is knowledgeable about African-American culture.  Many white people are constantly striving to be recognized as experts, and many consider it a life achievement to be befriended and acknowledgesd by a black person.  But note, do not dole out your praise like pinata candy.  Once white people have achieved this goal, they will be more difficult to manipulate.  So it is best to tease them with little bits of praise, balanced with a few barbs.  "I have to hand it to you for putting KRS-One on that party mix.  I mean, you went with a pretty well known song, but still, good job."

Also note that all white people fantasize about being brought to an authentic "African-American" experience such as a Baptist church or a barbecue restaurant in a neighborhood that they are afraid of.

Finally, an abundance of black friends (defined in white culture as two) also enables the white person to be the resident expert on African-American issues when there are no black people around.

Moving beyond friendship, some white people actively seek out opportunities to begin romantic relationships with black people.  Dating, marrying, and subsequently having a child with a black person is considered one of the greatest things a white person can do.  It delivers a lifetime of opportunities to get offended and feel superior to friends with white children, but still ranks slightly behind Adopting Foreign Children (#133)

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

Sweet book, I have it too.

But not really, I just read the website.

shit you're right I didn't even read the back of the book to see that the author also had a website :|\
edit: the site goes to #127 and has some differences from the book :<

That is true. I may go ahead and buy it myself, it's pretty cheap.

That is true. I may go ahead and buy it myself, it's pretty cheap.

my friend let me have the book
apparently I'm not very white, only about 20% according to the book.

I don't think I am very white either    At least not from what I have seen so far. 

1

1

Spoiler for 1: Coffee:

There is no doubt that white people love coffee.  Yes, it's true that Asians like iced coffee and people of all races enjoy a cup.  But it is a certainty that the first person at your school to drink coffee was a white person.  It was obvious that they didn't enjoy it, but they did it anyway, until they liked it-like cigarettes.

As white people begin to age, a genuine taste for coffee will emerge.  During this time white people will also develop a self-proclaimed "addiction."  This leads to them saying things like "You do -not- want to see me before I get my morning coffee."  White guys will also call it anything but coffee: "rocket fuel", "java", "joe", "black gold", and so forth.  It's pretty much garbage all around.

It's worth noting that where white people buy their coffee is almost as important as the drink itself.  For the most part, white people love Starbucks, although they will profess to hate how the chain is now a multinational corporation.  This hatred is often sublimated by their relief at seeing one in an airport.  The best place for white people to drink coffee is at a locally owned coffeeshop that offers many types of drinks, free Wi-Fi, and some sort of message board that is peppered with notices about rooms for rent and bands looking for bass players.

White people are given extra points for buying Fair Trade coffee, because paying the extra $2 means they are making a difference while their peers are drinking liquid oppression.

66

66

Spoiler for 66: Divorce:

If you are in a room with more than five white people it is a statistical certainty that at least two of them have divorced parents and at least one has an ex-wife or husband.  The divorce rate among white people is sky-high, and is one of the most easily exploited aspects of white culture.

The combination of alcohol and stories about divorce is the easiest and most efficient way to gain the trust and admiration of a white person.  If your parents never divorced and you are required to lie, do not worry about being called out.  White people spend most of their day waiting for opportunities to complain about their parents, and they will likely only ask questions about your scenario to be polite.  Say whatever you like, they are only waiting for trigger expressions to enable them to return to their own story.  Popular ones include unhappy, work, affair, tough time at school, and tied down.  Some say any of these and the white person will immediately redirect the conversation back tot heir situation.

When the night finally ends, you will be operating on a friendship level that normally takes eight to ten months.

If the white person is actually going through with a divorce, do not be too concerned.  A lifetime of difficult breakups has prepared them for the event.  They are well equipped to become the center of attention for their friends and family.  The best thing you can do in this scenario is to constantly reassure the white person that they deserve better.  It will comfort them instantly.  This is due to the fact that all white people believe they deserve more than they have.  Hearing it from someone else helps to confirm the injustice of fate and gives them hope that they will eventually receive the sexual and career payday that is long overdue.

Finally, if you have a deceased parent, do not bring it up when white people are talking about divorce.  You will immediately be crowned the winner of the pain party, but you will also make all the white people feel bad for making such a big deal out of nonfatal divorce.

Lol I remember seeing this book at a bookstore at an airport. One was about how white people like Obama or else they're racist and another about how they like being the only white person in a group, lol.

Also, #4

4

Spoiler for 4: Assists:

When you say the word "assist," the first thing that you think about is Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky.  White people love to pass, it's no secret.

In basketball, passing is kind of a must, so that white guys can carve out a niche and guarantee acceptance on a team.  Trying to be a white guy who dunks is like trying to be a white rapper- yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results.

One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades, so passing is a way to make up for it.  But more important, it makes them feel good to help others.

When you are a captain at a pick-up basketball game and you want to take a lot of shots, it's a good idea to pick a white guy.

I fail to see how #129 is liking Banksy. He's an amazing and controversial artist/graffiti artist. The author of this book is automatically a dumb ass for thinking taste in art is a racial preference.

#127, Where the Wild Things Are. I could understand this: Black people obviously can't read.

#124, Hating people that like/wear Ed Hardy: I don't even know anyone that wears that stuff, but from the image on the website, I would say that everyone hates those people. Again, not a racial thing.

#121, Funny or Ironic Tattoos: It makes sense since black people only get gang tattoos and shit.

haha, aw man, I could go on forever, and by forever I mean go on till I get to #1. This book is dumb.

I think you missed the point of the book =/

The point is to be racist?

ok, graf, first off, none of those are in the book, lol.

second off it's not "TOP 150 THINGS THAT WHITE PEOPLE LIKE", it's just a list of things that white people like.  An unorganized list.

third, the author is white.

lastly, you're missing the point of the book entirely.

I love that site, it's pretty damn funny. I should probably buy this...Graf you're really missing the point, it's not Blacks vs. Whites.

39 please.

glad everyone keeps telling me i'm missing the point and i've asked what it is already. I'm not magically going to get it if i don't care enough to think about it. especially you, Rex. You really like to reiterate what the person before you said. or are you and a handful of other people scared to say what the point is in fear of being incorrect? Because if not, why has no one said that point after i asked?

#151 Thing White People Like

Missing the point

lol