Epic Battle With Annoying Ass Virus - Now Recruiting Help!

So yeah, here's the problem some of you may already know.

Somehow, I got this virus that has a little red balloon on my tool bar that goes "Windows has detected spyware infection! It is recomended to use special [RAPE TOOLS FUCK!!! -_-] antispyware tools to pervent [Yes, it's fucking spelled pervent LOL] data loss. Windows will now download and install the most up-to-date antispyware for you. Which, it did automatically.

The program is called AntispywareXP 2009. I uninstalled it with Add/Remove programs, still there. Deleted it's folder after it reinstalled and I uninstalled again, and then deleted it in the registry.

But the red baloon is still there and if I click it, it'll reinstall NotAntiSpyware, Rapeyourassware.

Now this isn't the only problem.

When I search for anything in google and click the link, it opens up a new tab with some random bullshit page.

It also blocks me from accessing certain pages like AVG's, Kapersky's, and PCHell's websites. AND from updating for any of those programs.

Hell, Kapersky won't even load even though I took the time to go through the registry manually to remove all traces of AVG, which then after THAT was gone, it bitched about Spybot search and destroy, which only required a simple uninstall for Kapersky to finally install.

Cept, well, with all of my hope, Kapersky won't even load when double clicked.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I tried using AVG's scanning before uninstalling it, and it stopped it shortly and UNINSTALLED IT

I have virtually no way to delete this virus because I can't install protection.

And I can't reformat, because my computer has the wireless router set up, and my dumb mother always has fucking problems setting it up so I can't do shit about it. v_v

Sorry for the cursing, I'm just REALLY frustrated.

I don't know if Wingard's Clamwin is safe of not, I like you  as a friend Wingard, but too many people are going noooo, so I don't know if it's safe for me to use or not.

Is there ANYTHING for me to do? v___v... I'd really really really really really appreciate ANYONE who can help me with my problem.

I got it, this killed it for me.

I got it, this killed it for me.

I love you XD

I got the bubble gone, but I didn't get to finish the scan fully, so google and the websites are still bwaaaaaahmed, but THANK you ;3

Fucking Vundo.

I've had this happen before. I used some program to get rid of it, but it just put more shit on my hard drive. I eventually had to reinstall windows.

antispyware tools to pervent [Yes, it's fucking spelled pervent LOL] data loss.

Lol yea, I had that before, too, and I took a pic with it on my phone

Well, the program Anski gave me got rid of all 71 of my problems!

No longer does Kapersky not load!

No longer does that bubble appear!

No longer does google not go bluuuuuur and give me wrong pages!

EVERYTHING runs much faster!

THANK YOU ANSKI!

Victory is yours!

Seriously though, all the problems are poof, nada, that program Anski gave is really good. o.o

But just what IS this magical program?

But just what IS this magical program?

Er, sorry, it's called "Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware."

Now that your problem is fixed, I would like to point out the humor in this topic's subject. With a little shift in the stressed word, you get a completely different mental picture.

Just to ask, when anybody tried to start Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware, did it start straight away, or did you have to restart. I've installed it and tried to start it quite alot of times, but its just not starting for me. I can tell from the posts before it worked awesomely. That's why I don't get why its not working for me.=| Any hhelp wouldbe aawesome.