[Writing] I'm your Othello.

[Forty]

My eyes have seen the pain,
the deep cuts of adultery on my heart.

She ruined my soul with her lies
and she shattered my love.

Now forgive me Lord for the thing
that must be done.

The harlot shall be punished,
and her love relinquished of her.

The evil blood stains my hands.
I weep over her body.

Half of me has descended
to the depths of hell.

My love, what have I done.
You were my Desdemona.

But I became your Othello,
so may my fate be like his.


For those who don't know, in the play Othello...
[spoiler]Othello killed his wife, Desdemona, because he thought she was cheating on him.[/spoiler]

[Arrow]

Nothing wrong with it in particular, except that it's way too straight forward. Poetry is about painting with your words, and this is more like a blueprint. Everything is lain bare before the reader, and you know the ending to the story before you even reach the last line. Allude to what happened, dance around it, point to it, but you should never have to actually say it. The reader should be left to interpret that much.

[Forty]

Thanks for the advice.