The Elf

[west098]

The 1st age: In beginning there was a world full of darkness and chaos. In the evens where the Elves lived they tried many times to make the perfect inhabitant for this world so that it may find its way to the light. The first experiment was a dreadfully one they mixed reptilian and mammals together and made a beast  of horror and dread, and placed it on the world as a challenge for the new beings they made these where monkeys without fur the elves set them of the plaint but as these two sides fought more and more humans were born with evil in there soul it was not long before humans killed other humans and kingdoms and empires where installed and the seconded age began an age of human blood shed and the discovery of magic ....


The 2nd age: Now the elves introduced a new power the power of mana. Mana is the energy that the elves used to make the beings of the world it could be focused to make elements of the earth appear such as fire, water, earth, exedra. The humans where given a scroll with the knowledge of all magic things. The humans finally came to peace but the goblins had been plotting. Now the 3rd age began the age of war


The 3rd age: The goblins and humans clashed for the power of the magic scroll when the war was won by the humans the scroll was kept by the high mage of the king. Now there was peace across the land and business monopolies across the kingdom became common such as Ret's smiting....


Background Story: In the land of Natherith there lived a smith named Ret had a strong and wealthy business empire and was at the top of his game when he realized that if could seas power of Natherith if he bought the goblins with his money and assassinate the old king in his sleep and kill his son and take the thrown. Mid way threw Ret's plan the elves saw his treaty with the goblins they knew they would have to clam an air to the Elvin thrown. There chose a young boy named Ki, Ki was kind the best on the track team and an amazing archer.


Story: When the air for the Elvin thrown went to bed on the night of the summer solstice he had a dream a dream of an Elvin woman who told him of an upcoming war and a weapon of grate power, and a friend a friend that would help him threw dangerous times........


Characters:
Name: Ki Matunaga
Age: 15
Height: 7feet
Wight: 120 lbs.
Bio: the main character of our story.

Name: Eli Muta
Age: 18
Height: 6feet 10inchis
Wight: 200 lbs.
Bio: The friend from Ki's  dream.

[MrMoo]

Well, not only do you fail at making games, you also fail at the English language. I could not for the life of me, read more than 1/4 of the "BACKROUN STORY"
By all means, please copy and paste everything you ever write in the future into Microsoft Word and use spell check. And if those 10 tutorials actually did anything, I'll gladly make a writing tutorial for you.

[Leventhan]

Why did he come back? ;-;
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH

[modern algebra]

More constructive please Lynx    We've already had a topic or two of those posts - we might as well try to help him improve. MrMoo's post was acceptable - mild flames okay as long as there is constructive feedback.

Anyway, I agree that you need to use a spell check west - half of a game is how it is presented - you could make the greatest game in the world, but if it isn't presented well, no one will even bother playing. Think if you were to go into a store looking for a game, and you found one that had misspelled words, poor grammar, no pictures, and the entire case was just black text on white - would you buy it? Would you even look at it? So try and present your game topics in a nice way - half of the reason people have reacted the way they have to your projects is the incredibly poor presentation. Also see http://rmrk.net/index.php/topic,22380.0.html for some helpful tips.

Good luck with the project.

[west098]

Thank you mondern for the tips i updated it dose it look better?
and here is a screan plz tell me what to improve on.

[modern algebra]

The dark blue text is unreadable on the dark theme. Otherwise, it looks a little bit better and the horizontal rules are nice. But you still use someone to edit your text, and you absolutely need an editor to check through all the text in your game before releasing a demo. For instance, your "backround" story has a number of errors such as run on sentences. Proper grammar and spelling would transform it to:

Background Story
In the land of Natherith there lived a wealthy and powerful man named Ret. He soon realized what his power could give to him, so he knew that in a matter of time the king would fall and his young son Bliss would rise to power (What kind of power does he have? How does he know this?). Knowing this, he devised a secret treaty with Bongo, the not too bright captain of the goblins. Now, with the power of the goblins he could crush Bliss and Natherith, but the elves watched closely and found out about this. The elves did not actually live in Natherith they lived in the stars and must now claim one boy as their chosen leader(Why must they do this? This entire history of the elves is inserted here and has no place in this paragraph - it might be better to create another section of your topic and explain the races, such as the humans, the goblins, and the elves, as they do not fit in this paragraph and run on. Similarly, you should make another section for Antagonists or Non Player Characters and explain who Ret and Bliss and Bongo is). The plan of the elves were delayed by the elements of the heavens(Considering this is the background story, why do you assume the reader knows what the elements of the heavens are). By the time the boy was chosen it was too late: the city of Minis fell and Ret had risen to power. The city fled to the woods of Naana and lived for 2 years unharmed (cities are mobile?) but Ret had been busy with tarring throw book aster book(What? tarring throw book aster book?) looking for a way to learn the ancient spells of immortality. And then it happened he had found the book, but a rebel leader Naga had risen to general of all armies and had built a fort and was planning to attack Ret(Does this belong in this paragraph? Why does the user need to know this? Also, the sentence is bad aside from the fact that it is unnecessary. Why is he general of all armies? Does Ret no longer have an army? This really isn't background story you are explaining - it makes no sense and it goes by too fast. You will have to be more in depth, and this story should be explained in game - not in this topic. You have to find a way to reduce all of the unnecessary info so that the reader gets a grasp of the setting, but not the entire story. You don't even have to introduce characters in this section - you could just as easily say that "The King has been overthrown by an evil sorcerer on the route to unimaginable power. But now, an army rises in the East and a young boy named Ki may be the answer to the problems in Natherith". That's super cheesy of course and is bad all on it's own, but it also contains all of the relevant information in your background story.). Then as a boy named Ki grew ears like an elf and became fast, strong, and a fighter of great skill. He realized he was not normal then and the dream came: an elf woman told him that he will meet a friend and will find a way to stop blood shed in Natherith.

And even with those corrections, the story still sounds bad because of the words you choose and the way you choose to phrase it.

As for the map, it's pretty empty. Use more tall grass and rocks to give the appearance of nature.

[darkx009]

Is this project still alive?

[west098]

yes

[momomannu]

looks good :]

[west098]

r u lieing?

[Sophist]

All of your sentences seem to run on like Ann Rand, except without the political infusion and corruption.

[Falcon]

You should work more on mapping, reading mapping tutorials and playing good games are the best way to improve. Look at the tutorial database.

Nice to see you're trying to improve you game making skills.