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Story Suggestions?

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Rep: +0/-0Level 87
Well I haven't used RPG Maker for a while ( since 2003 was new >.<) and I just got VX... I want to make a decent game but I'm kind of stuck on a plot thats not overdone and cheesy... So far I have this:

Start game as Child, training on a wooden thing (Statue?)
Evil person (looks nice at first) comes in and tries to kill him after a pleasant misleading conversation.
Child runs to alter in town ( Worshiping Eden a Goddess)
Child passes out
Wakes up in like a temple in the sky with Eden talking
He Finds out he has a "magic" called Psi, which is waning.
Eden talks about an abusing god trying to take control of other gods powers
Tells child to help find the others with Psi and bring them to this "tower"

Then I have other stuff happening at the tower which I don't wanna tell ;P

How can I change some of the plot above or characters to make it more original and less cheesy... No ideas are rejected... All things are constructive (except I hate this ) :bean: :moopost:
Hey, even Cats like Bleach!

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Resident Cloud
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Level 91
so this tower presumably saves the world right... YAWN.

it seems ever so quick and blunt does this all happen in one big sprawl :(.

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moew
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Level 91
Queen Princess
2013 Most Missed Member2012 Most Missed Member;o hee hee <3For being a noted contributor to the RMRK Wiki
I agree. You should drag it out, maybe have the child grow for some time. And why is it he has magic and not many others? Who is this evil person? Why does he suddenly wake up in a temple... in the sky? There are lots of gaps that it would be pleasant if you filled them. Even if this story sound a bit generic it doesn't mean it's a bad story. Just make sure to make it waterproof, leave no gaps in it. Oh, and the "children saving the world" stuff is a bit old... but if you want to run with that then that's just fine. Good luck.
:taco: :taco: :taco:

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Shadow Knight
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Level 91
Ruin that brick wall!
Project of the Month winner for October 2008
Not ALL cliches are bad. That is a fact.
Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

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Resident Cloud
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Level 91
no there not its just good to get people to rethink. i still dont mind the saving the world one but there has to be enough substance between the start and end to make me want to save the world :D

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Rep:
Level 87
ppl with B&W pics are not emo, ppl with anime are.
I enjoy the god touch. Not too over done on that part.

As for him having Psi, we all have psi, its a real thing, as real as blood. I don't like how just "him" and a few random others have it. I mean what makes them so special? They just got lucky and were born with it, it doesn't make him a hero.

How about instead, have Eden teach him how to harness his Psi?

As for the find others with the ability to control their psi, that's also over done, he's gonna go out, find his soon to be party members, at least one will be evil and betray him, and at least one will be a girl with no personality that will like him despite the fact that there is a better, more handsome, smarter, guy in the group, who will break character exactly one time so that the "hero" can seem braver and get the girl.

Yeah I predicted all that, please make my prediction a false one.

My first suggestion is, drop this whole forming a big phycic group ideal. Why not have Eden help him out, because he prays to her and desperatly needs help (immidate danger just outside the door, ect) and then he can go on. Give him dreams, goals in life, maybe vengence for something.

As he goes on with, his new powers, perhaps he can have a mission for himself, such as to kill someone, or to find a lost friend in some far away country, he can pick up party members along the way,  just regular unique people happening to be heading in the same direction?

He can get defeated in a battle somewhere, we throw eden back in the mix and have her save him.

blah blah, towards the end of the game, he can find out some big secret about why Eden actually saved him (but no hints about it before hand, or else itll be too obvious, not supsenful.)  The secret can be whatever, I just feel you want eden to be real part of the game, she can turn out to be his mother, or something, you know really, it can be whatever, just as long as he doesnt know the secret to the end, and believes he is just a regular mortal, that way he must rely on himself to get stronger when trouble rises.

I hate cheesey stories myself, I know my ideal wiped clean your entire origional story mostly, but it was so cheesey after the psi deal and the tower and gathering others to defeat evil (she's a godess, she could gathers others on her own)

 And one last thing, give it a great theme, no lame love story, i'm sorry us guys just suck at trying to make girl characters with personality, its just the truth. Try something less often done, like maybe a story of True Friendship you know, guy friendship, the real kind, the close kind, the one where you feel like crying after a fight (if you've never had a REAL bestfriend, one you would give your life for in a second, I suggest you try it once, I had one true best friend, and life just hasnt been easy since we stopped talking after a fight two years ago)  or maybe you could do a struggle of believing in people, perhaps our hero has always been a loser, and always screwed things up, but none of these new team mates know that, so he thinks he has a fresh start, to be somebody that isnt always messing up, and he has a inner struggle trying to be the hero he always wanted, and he keeps expecting to be found out, to screw up, and he just keeps trying to play the hero and act like thats who he is, but he knows better, and by the end, he can meet up with those that knew him as the loser, but now, after pretending to be a hero for so long, he really has become one.

ah, good luck, if you can read this.

"Your already not f*cking her, what have you got to lose?" - Mystery

"What I'm really after," Mystery finally
said, "is for people to be envious of me, for women to want me and men to want to be me."
"You never got much love as a child, did you?" Style  asked
"No," he replied sheepishly.

Mystery is THE greatest pick up artist ever and my dream is to become his wing someday, that or AMOG him!
 www.venusianarts.com <- mystery's site

"Attraction IS NOT a choice!" - David D.


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