[Writing] Black Shadows Poems

I like to write poems. My teacher says Im a good poet, so why not.

This poem is about my mum, after she got the prognos cancer.

Your Candle Of Life

Life's like a candle.
The ligth shines until it pass away.
When I see you, tired after a long day,
I see a strong light. A powerfull shining light.
Your light.
Will never fade away.
Your candle.
Your candle will never lose its shining light.
The light is to strong to fade away.
And while your light still shines.
Stay strong, as the candle of light you are.
Becuase your light, will never fade away.

I'm just wondering, are you dyslexic?

Not what I know. Im just bad on english, because english is not my first language.

I see grammar and spelling mistakes but it's good.

Acctully, in some poem genres, you can play with the grammar as much as you can( I think it was Swedish Modernism)

More Poems. This one is pretty sad.

The birds sings in the trees.
The girl sings in the grass.
She walks around, playing with herself.
She looks so happy,
Like she has no problems in the world.
But she has.
Her arm hurts.
Her heads hurts.
Her legs hurts.
She's not happy.
She's afraid.

By grammar, I meant stuff like your sentence fragment, "Will never fade away."

What you need more is making the... what do you call that, syllables? Yea, you need to make the syllables... rhyming? Oh God I just don't know how to say it.

He needs rythm and rhyme in the poem? If so, not all poems are like that. Sounds cool if it does, but the more serious ones are like all like that.

Not, not the rhyme!
I mean the syllables!! Yup!

I would say if you are going to try and use a unique rhythm and versing in your poetry, you might want to stick to your native tongue. It takes an intimate knowledge of a language to capture the nuances of poetry, and trying to make a language you aren't completely fluent in into art might not turn out how you thought it would.

English is not my first language but I think I'm better at writing poems in English than in Indonesian... -_-