RMRK General => Creativity => Topic started by: Sophist on March 25, 2014, 04:27:56 AM
Title: [Writing] The Burning Sun
Post by: Sophist on March 25, 2014, 04:27:56 AM
Fulfilling the Adventure theme...
- - -
The three had converged paths at an unlikely crossroad, and took a moment to settle down. In the midday sun, only at this time of year does one understand that light spreads in all directions, there is no escape for any inch of yourself. It burns like a stove oven being opened to your skin, and the travelers welcomed the shade of the bushy, watered trees.
The road had made into a valley around the plains, and the edges were lined with bold, broad trees that created patchy, yet dark shadows on the rolled rocks beneath. One traveler sat on a broad stone, swept smooth by what was once a river, their staff laid against the rock and their traveling supplies laid out before them. Head back and eyes closed, their face basked in the cooling shade. A quiet hum settled around them of insects on trees.
The second traveller arrived on horseback, dressed in knightly mail and carrying a long, slender lance. The two nodded to each other as the second passed along, but soon stopped under the relief from the sun. They dismounted, placing their lance along the edge of the valley, marked by the same rolling green grass that covered the land.
Within moments, and not a word said, the third arrived, walking in the opposite way that the second had come. Dressed in silk and sash, eyes and face hidden from the oppressive sun, they stopped cautiously and watched the two for a moment, before slowly joining them.
“Bright days upon you, friend.” The sitting traveler said, amicable smile and open palms to the armored and the shaded.
“Bright days upon you and your home as well, traveler.” The armored one said in a soft voice that rolled like water in a calm river. They removed their mask of iron and hair as red as kindled fire fell forward.
“Bright days upon you both, walkers.” Said the third in a quiet voice, still holding on to their pack.
“For what do travel for?” The sitting one said, wide eyed in the protective shade, only a glint of light pinging off the bald head.
“A message.” The second had said, removing the iron gloves and weighted backpack that pulled down their shoulders.
“For this.” The third said, looking past the two. Behind the bald traveler rose an old, decaying stone palace, lost at the turn of the planet. “Men say that there are lost worlds hidden behind the walls.”
The first had only shaken their head solemnly.
“You seek shadows and ghosts, my friend. I have scaled these walls and found nothing but disappointment on the other side.” They said, cross legged upon the cool stone.
The second was craned upward, squinting at the walls, the old color of washed sandstone.
“The truth is being spoken. This once was a monastery in days of old.” The second said, as the third walked ahead and joined the viewing.
“Truly you joke?” They asked, defiance cutting on the tongue, “What am I to believe, that you did not seek what I came for and have hidden it from me?”
The first had shaken their head once more, hands displaying the items on the ground. Living supplies and tools were laid out one by one on a knapsack cloth in the grass.
“I tell you only truth, my friend. This is all that I own in the world, I seek no riches and hold no power over you. I came to behold what had become of an old land.” The first said to the third, as the second sat in the sand, head hanging low.
“It is a harsh day upon the world. May we sit and parley?” They asked, wiping sweat from the brow with the back of their hand.
“What news do you bring from the east?” The first asked, as the third poked at the walls, black and purple shifts catching sunlight darkly.
“War and treachery plague the lands of the higher men. The dark wasteland is consuming all, turning land into water and trees into death.” The second said in defeat. “It will soon be that all men return west for greater life.”
“I hear that all men will be turned away by the Sultan and her greater power.” The third chimed, sticking stakes into the walls and chipping away at sandstone.
“All men will continue on, no matter where they go.” The first said, a hand on the shoulder of the second for comfort. “It is written in the stars.”
The second stood, stretching. “We shall see where we land. I am the fleet footed, walking in the name of the East.”
The third looked over from their work, violet eyes staring in disbelief. “You? The sultan has no place for the likes of you.”
Words sharper than knives made the second turn away, beginning to rustle in the travel bags of the horse. A bright red flush matched the burning hair that flowed down the shoulders of the knight.
“Now, friends, we are all just at a cross. If there is to be fighting then I shall make my way.” The first said, blinking heavy eyes that spoke volumes of age by sight. The second said nothing, only fishing through the bags.
“No contest here, but I speak only the truth. If we were to wait, this one would come riding back with tidings of unease.” The third said, beginning to scale the wall slowly, one uneasy step at a time.
“No matter the cost, we will press on.” The second said, picking up the lost armor and donning once more. When she mounted the steed again, the honored knight looked to the first. “You were not asked, for what do you travel for?”
The first shook their head, smiling. “Nothing, any longer. I have seen what I desired to see.”
The second paused, thinking, and put on the helmet. “Bright nights will be upon you, travelers.” She kicked her steed, and jolted to the west.
Halfway up the wall, the third had breached upward into sunlight, and was burning along the sandstone. The first traveler had gathered their things, and he stood with his staff in hand to guide the way.
“Bright nights upon you, traveller, but you only disturb the dead on your path. You will go back to the Sultan empty handed.” He said, but the third had paid him no mind. “Very well then.” The first man said to himself, and began climbing up the small valley sides and into the brush.
The third reached the top of the wall, looking onto the monastery below. As the thief slid down the rope, he did not see the skeletons that uneasily lined the walls, out of the burning sun and into the darkest of night. The rope fell from the sandstone with ease, and the dead were disturbed.
Alone, the first traveler pulled the shining blue stone from his robe, shaking his head slowly. No men told the whole truth at a crossing, he had found. Not even today, not even himself, and not under oath.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: Jules on March 25, 2014, 01:34:01 PM
:julesapproved:
There may have been mistakes in there, but I was too caught up in the story to see them. Hat's off. That was awesome.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: Dr. Mc on March 25, 2014, 09:43:01 PM
I like it! My dyslexia got me confused with the first, second, and third though :p but thats just me.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: &&&&&&&&&&&&& on March 25, 2014, 10:02:30 PM
Is there more to this?
Spoilerfor:
Please say yes. I want to know what happens next. ;-;
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: Sophist on March 25, 2014, 10:31:19 PM
I fixed a few pronouns and clarified who was speaking and being directed to, a little. Thank you for your kind words friends.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: &&&&&&&&&&&&& on March 25, 2014, 10:33:35 PM
Is this post-apocalyptic?
Spoilerfor:
It sounds post-apocalyptic to me.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: Sophist on March 25, 2014, 10:35:08 PM
Not in particular minded. More like a fantasy universe long after some sort of mass world change. Think the Adventure Time universe, but not.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: yuyu! on March 25, 2014, 10:38:20 PM
Whoa!! o.o Awesome work, Sophist! We're seeing a lot of good stories today, huh? ^_^ I really did enjoy the general structure of the story - it wasn't too complicated, but also wasn't too simple!
This painted a pretty clear picture of the setting especially, so I was able to literally draw out a picture in my mind! The dialogue was especially incredible and really set the mood! It was easy to follow along with the general flow of the story! The story itself was a very interesting scenario, too. While reading it, I honestly didn't know what to expect from the ending or anything. I literally felt like I was watching a conversation between three strangers! o.o You really pulled me into the environment! That was too cool, dude! ;_;
I'm really looking forward to seeing what you write next!! ;o;
I was a bit confused with the first, second, and third, too. ;_; And I don't even have dyslexia.
Fixed? You're awesome. ;_;
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: EvilM00s on March 26, 2014, 06:08:28 AM
This is obviously related to the Judgement themed piece, and I dig it.
Again you take me to the characters' sides- not just in my mind, but the imagery is so strong I can feel the desert heat and long for water and shade!
I didn't find this peice as compelling asd I did the Judgement entry, or as much as I have most of your other writing,. I'm afraid. I think this peice is well thought out and executed, but I don't think it stands on its own well. Were this a chapter in the novel I hope you will write in this universe, it would have been effing PERFECT. And if I know your writing like I think I do, that's exactly the premise of these short stories, whether you realise it or not...
That having been said, you are my favorite author on RMRK and this piece exemplified why; you bring me into the scene, I am there. You have a gift for description that is simply magical, and I can't wait for your next spell to be cast on me.
Title: Re: The Burning Sun
Post by: Sophist on March 27, 2014, 05:01:46 AM
As I said in my previous story, thank you all for the kind words.
This was the first piece written, and they are all intended to share the same connections. The vagueness and especially the pronoun usage was all on intention: this is to be the 'ties that bind' so to say, of the rest of the writing. All will fill out and make this piece clearer.
Again, thank you for your consideration and criticism. ;o