Believe it or not, but when I was younger, I was a Catholic. I prayed everyday, Most of the time it was for everyone I love to be safe and for me to find some friends and that the bullies would leave me alone. Yea, I found a friend. He was just like me, (and even now, after 11 years, he's still my best friend.). We did everything together, ate, sat, played. We were the schools social rejects. At Tuesday morning scripture, I would get up in the line with everyone else and pray the same thing.
It wasn't until I was 8 that something didn't feel right. I'd just walking in on my parents and grandparents talking seriously. They looked really down and I asked the small simple question of; "What's wrong mum? dad? Grandma?" I'd looked at my grandpa and tears were in his eyes, "grandpa?" I'd just walked in on them saying that his kidneys were about to fail. So, there it was, just after the operation so he could live for longer. For the first day I couldn't stand watching him do Dialysis. I felt so sick watching him. By the end of the week, I'd gotten used to it and was standing in the doorway talking to him. The start of the next week, he asked me to come in, I did. The start of the second week, I was reading all the textbooks on Dialysis, something only a nurse and the patient should know and understand, anything I didn't understand, he's tell me. I was probably the only person at the age of 8 who was doing medical things. I was doing his recordings, and when I was at school, I would pray that he would get better.
Come the start of 2004, Something went wrong. Because he had Muscular dystrophy, he was going to suffer. I was praying everyday, just like I always did. I prayed that he'd get better. I did it so much. His muscles on his hands and feet were deteriorating faster, and by May, it was too late. It was causing him so much pain. I can remember the last thing he said to me. "Jess, I'll give you my canoe, you'll have to get your dad to help you patch it up, then you can go to the river and take it out. I love you Jess. You're the best granddaughter I could ever wish for." Mum sent me out and asked me to close the door. He was put on some medication to sleep. He stopped dialysis on May 13th 2004.
He was taken to hospital on May 15th. My entire family were there. The most painful thing I did that afternoon was with my mum on one side and my dad behind me was walk in look at him the push my way back outside and sit down in the hallway crying. My cousin came out and tried to comfort me, I pushed her away and told her to "piss off". My family didn't like to hear me say that, but I did, and I didn't care. It was around 7 hours later, and it was really late at night. My mum came out and said that we were going to go home. I got up and stood there. They had started to walk. I said, "wait." they stopped and watched me walk into the room with my head down. I walked right up beside my grandpa, and did what nobody in my family would believe I'd ever do. I kisses his cheek, held his hand and said; "Good night Grandpa. I love you." I walked out, I knew everyone's eyes were on me. I honestly didn't care. That night I went home went to sleep with nothing to eat, I felt too sick to eat anything. I woke up at 3:27 AM and started crying. I felt so heavy and broken inside. Then I heard the phone ring and i heard dad leave and mum start to cry. They didn't want to wake me, even though I was already awake. I tried to go back to sleep, I did, I don't know how I did though.