Currently, it's raining so hard..
Child: Dad, why didn't you water our plants?
Dad: Can't you see it? It's raining son.
Child: Use your head dad! Use an umbrella.
One day in a class..
Teacher: Anyone here knows Albert Einstien? You John?
John: No ma'am, I don't know him.
Teacher: You Heather?
Heather: No ma'am, I don't know him either.
Teacher: So, how about you Peter?
Peter: No ma'am.
Teacher: What!? You don't know Albert Einstein?!
Peter: No ma'am. Maybe he's on the other section.
Hehe!
Post your jokes here. So everyone can laugh or at least smile. Laughter is the best medicine. Let us cure our boredom by reading our jokes.
Uh... it might help to actually post jokes in the topic.
Question: Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
[spoiler=Answer]He was hit by a bus.[/spoiler]
Why did the plane crash?
[spoiler=Answer]Because its pilot was a loaf of bread.[/spoiler]
Why did Sally fall off her bike?
[spoiler=Answer]Because Peter threw a fridge at her.[/spoiler]
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]Because it died.[/spoiler]
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]It wanted to follow the first one.[/spoiler]
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]Peer pressure.[/spoiler]
Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?
[spoiler=Answer]It thought it was a game.[/spoiler]
Why did the kangaroo die?
[spoiler=Answer]It got hit by four falling koalas.[/spoiler]
Did you hear about the band who left their keys in their van?
[spoiler=Answer]It took them half an hour to get the drummer out.[/spoiler]
autistics (autists?) shouldn't be allowed to make jokes.
jokes aren't funny unless there's shock value
two pretzels were walking down the street, and one was assaulted
They say there's safety in numbers.
[spoiler=HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO BAD]Try telling that to six million Jews.[/spoiler]
I'm depressed just by typing that. ;9 Enough shock value, arl? :mad:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
[spoiler]To whom.[/spoiler]
Quote from: arlen on August 22, 2011, 01:57:07 PM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
[spoiler]To whom.[/spoiler]
Oh god, I love it.
--
So man is walking through the woods at night with an 8 year old boy.
The boy looks up at the man and says "I'm scared."
The man looks down at the boy and says "You're scared? I have to walk back out of these woods alone."
Do you believe in love at first sight? [spoiler]Or should I pass by again[/spoiler]
Guy 1: Men, I'm so drunk! It's like i will never reach my home walking.
Guy 2: Ugh, Me too, I'm so drunk. Hey Look! The houses are walking and just passing by!
Guy 3: Oh. Then, let's wait for our houses to come by.
Do you have mirror in your heart? [spoiler]Cuz i can see my face in it[/spoiler]
You're like TABLE OF CONTENTS? [spoiler]Cuz you're the topic of every pages of my life[/spoiler]
Miss, can i sit beside you during exams? [spoiler]Because i feel perfect beside you[/spoiler]
Are you good in math? Specifically in algebra? [spoiler]Can you substitute my x?[/spoiler]
What's the difference between someone who tells dumb jokes, and a bucket of shit?
[spoiler]The bucket.[/spoiler]
Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke.
Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over, lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbilly's buddy says "ya know, I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it"
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
A German, an Italian and a Frenchman are watching a play.
It didn't get many bookings.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they're all dead.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?
Regress.
A baby seal walks into a club.
...
A man and his wife are in the bathroom getting ready for work when their 4 year old daughter walks in. The daughter sees her mother's breasts and asks "Mommy when will I get those?" The mother replies "When you're older, honey." Then the father gets out of the shower and the daughter sees his penis. She asks him "Daddy when will I get one of those?" The father leans in and whispers in her ear "As soon as your mother leaves."
[spoiler=Another Anti-Joke]
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
[/spoiler]
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eXj97stbG8[/yt]
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
[spoiler]Christopher Walken[/spoiler]
[yt]3GWJC7tlYck[/yt]
One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]
Quote from: arlen on August 22, 2011, 01:57:07 PM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
[spoiler]To whom.[/spoiler]
Let's make love in the moonlight arlen
Quote from: Rhamises on August 29, 2011, 03:50:14 PM
One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]
That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!
http://youtu.be/zSTEqHxh3fI
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[spoiler]You said you wouldn't forget :baww:[/spoiler]
Quote from: Pacman on August 30, 2011, 12:18:42 AM
Quote from: Rhamises on August 29, 2011, 03:50:14 PM
One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]
That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!
hehe yeah yeah. why do you need to say that im a phony, im not funny? :) the first three sentences is enough. :)
Quote from: Rhamises on August 30, 2011, 03:18:01 PM
Quote from: Pacman on August 30, 2011, 12:18:42 AM
Quote from: Rhamises on August 29, 2011, 03:50:14 PM
One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]
That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!
hehe yeah yeah. why do you need to say that im a phony, im not funny? :) the first three sentences is enough. :)
It's important that you know. It will help you in life.
A boy in the sixth grade comes home and announces to his mother,"I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned, and tells her child, "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
[spoiler]"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me." [/spoiler]
Ryan rings his boss at work and says"Look,i`m really sorry,but i can`t come to work today,i`m sick".
"Sick!" screams his boss "Sick! This is the tenth time this month, Ryan.Exactly how sick are you?"
[spoiler]"Well",replies Ryan."I`m in bed with my 9 year old sister" [/spoiler]
oh yes...
Booooooo. you suck! hisssss. boooo again.
Quote from: Strike Reyhi on August 30, 2011, 08:25:33 PM
Booooooo. you suck! hisssss. boooo again.
I don't like you. never will. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
Well of course the feeling is mutual, nobody likes you.
Quote from: Doctor Swordopolis on August 31, 2011, 01:06:45 AM
Well of course the feeling is mutual, nobody likes you.
stating the obvious, but he'll never believe that, even if it's true.
Man, these last 4 jokes have reallllly gone downhill.
Oldest Joke Ever:
So a horse walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and asks "Why the long face?"
[spoiler=Alternate Ending]The horse replies "My wife has cancer."[/spoiler]
Two muslims walk into a bar.
Sorry I can't finish the joke my friend was in an explosion at a bar so I have to go to the hospital and I am worried he may die.
[spoiler]did I do it right[/spoiler]
All right then...
1)What did one snow man say to another?
[spoiler]A)do you smell carrots?[/spoiler]
2)How does an octopus go to war?
[spoiler]A) Well Armed.[/spoiler]
3)What's brown and sticky?
[spoiler]A)A stick[/spoiler]
4) Why should'nt you write with a broken pencil?
[spoiler]A) 'coz its pointless[/spoiler]
5)Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
[spoiler]A)He had no body to go with him[/spoiler]
.
.
.
I'm all out.
rmrk lacks humour.
Holk RMRK isn't funny.
rmrk is going downhill
Your right RMRK isn't funny, but I'm sure it's not suppose to be funny. Any way here are some jokes.
1) How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway.
2) A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."
3) A lawyer, an economist, and a teacher were going to the bathroom. The lawyer gets done, washes his hands, and then proceeds to use almost the entire roll of paper towels to dry his hands. He says "I was taught to be thorough." The economist gets done, washes his hands, but uses only one paper towel. He says "I was taught to be environmentally friendly." The teacher gets done and leaves without washing his hands. He says "I was taught not to piss on my hands."
Whiteboards are remarkable!
(https://rmrk.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg689.imageshack.us%2Fimg689%2F3358%2Fwatermelonface.jpg&hash=fc697542dcfc9666a5ea62c36cc6b17656ad58bf)
Quote from: Sashikinaroji on August 30, 2011, 04:09:04 PM
Quote from: Rhamises on August 30, 2011, 03:18:01 PM
Quote from: Pacman on August 30, 2011, 12:18:42 AM
Quote from: Rhamises on August 29, 2011, 03:50:14 PM
One day, there's a rooster at the top of the triangle-shaped roof flapping its wings as the sun rises. Now here's the question, if the rooster lays an egg, would it roll at the right side or at the left side?
[spoiler]Neither, unless the rooster does a sex change operation.[/spoiler]
That's not a joke. It's a riddle, if anything. And you ruined the answer by trying to turn it into a joke. You're not funny. You're a phony!
hehe yeah yeah. why do you need to say that im a phony, im not funny? :) the first three sentences is enough. :)
It's important that you know. It will help you in life.
my point is, no need to mention it cuz it explains already. :) nevermind. well. i think some guys here goes off to the topic.
Quote from: Rhamises on September 02, 2011, 04:41:54 PM
i think some guys here goes off to the topic.
uhhhhh...... what. sword stop going off to the topic.
What did the Tyler say to John Speedboat?
[spoiler]fuuuuuuuuuuuckkk yooooooooooooouuuuu[/spoiler]
My joke:
What is Edward Cullens favourite time of the month?
Bella's Time of the month.
Also has anyone ever noticed the severe darkness that resides in the joke...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
The other side not being the other side of the road... but more passing over to the next life...
The freaking chicken died man, thats sad.