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RMRK General => Creativity => Topic started by: kaboth on December 04, 2010, 08:25:53 PM

Title: [Writing] Fear Me Poem
Post by: kaboth on December 04, 2010, 08:25:53 PM
fear me if you dare,
Im in shadows beyond their,
I am forgotten so says I,
Don't come any closer or you will die,
lurking near the path of fear,
knowing that your family is near,
who is on the sidewalk near I,
It is time for them to die...
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: Blue on December 12, 2010, 09:41:39 AM
uhh... ok so it doesn't quite make sense but hey at least it rhymes right?
C:
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: Colonel on December 12, 2010, 11:51:04 AM
You should be shot.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: Kokowam on December 13, 2010, 11:06:14 PM
I want to make a "fear me" poem:

FEAR ME, HERE I COME DRESSED IN GREEN
I'M THE HULK, ALL AMAZING WITH A TEN-FOOT PEEN
THOUGH I SEEM TO BE A WIMP, YOU DON'T WANNA MAKE ME ANGRY
'CUZ I'LL METAMORPHOSIZE UNTIL I RAVAGE YOU CRAZY
I'M SCREAMING OUT THIS POEM 'CUZ I RAGE AND RAGE
AND WHEN I RAGE YOU CAN'T CONTAIN ME IN YOUR METAL CAGE
RAWRAWRAWRAWR NOMNOMNOMNOM
EAT YOU IN A MINUTE, NOW THERE GOES I.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: EvilM00s on December 14, 2010, 01:42:37 AM
Kaboth, for the love of all that is holy, please don't write anymore.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: modern algebra on December 14, 2010, 01:45:14 AM
Well, no need to discourage him. He's still only a little kid. I'm sure he'll write better poems or other material once he's a little older.

You shouldn't pick creepy themes though.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: Zylos on December 14, 2010, 01:49:56 AM
Little kid? He's older than I am.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: Jonesy on December 14, 2010, 02:17:39 AM
Well that's awkward.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: modern algebra on December 14, 2010, 02:22:32 AM
I'm inclined to disbelieve his stated age.
Title: Re: Fear Me Poem
Post by: Jonesy on December 14, 2010, 02:31:17 AM
(https://rmrk.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pocketfinancialplanner.com%2Fblog%2Fimages%2Fdig.png&hash=1572bf1e9e4b5ea5dec7ecd2daedf09ae357db89)


OT: The very first sentence of this poem doesn't make sense. It makes me think that you haven't edited this in any way, or even looked over it more than a few times. Like any written works editing is key, and you need to do it.
Poems should have meaning, and I can't find any in yours, you should have a clear intention of what you want to show and then go for it. You don't necessarily have to make it rhyme.
Also, learn proper grammar and spelling, the first word on each line should have a capital letter, and you've used the wrong "there".