I'm making a game (quite obviously, I'm on this forum and have been asking stuff...) and I have the base line for a story. Although quite a bit of it is cemented, I'm working on database for now (quickie stuff, the heavy stuff is really mapping and events.) I enjoy animations and the like so it fits me. Still, I need some help creatively. Without spoilers, I'll sort of go through the major story line points. It's my first full story so cut me a break but point out any flaws or over-used cliches and the like that you see. Please :D Names can of course be changed but this is the idea I got for a while.
The main Characters:
Gerard- Age 16; Spearman/soldier in training. A young noble, son of the duke/viceroy of the small island he lives on. Reckless and harsh in tounge, he is not always easy to get along with. However, due to his great athletics, he's quite popular amongst the youths. He has a personal trainer as a noble and thus has advanced quick in training. It also helps he started at as soon as he could hold a spear. He's also very obsessed with making sure his family is safe. He wants his family safe, that's his greatest goal. (story 1st person is from Gerard.)
Aria- Age 19; Fencer/Singer. Gerard's older sister, she is a bard, able to call magical energies through song. She is also a fierce fencer. She is cheery and very easy to get along with. Hating needless violence, she always tries to keep her family happy.
Kaleb- Age 9; Sage. Gerard's younger brother. Although his age is low, he is a genius with a powerful magical aura. The "sages" a group of powerful wizards and scholars trained him in manipulating and using magic so that he may not accidently hurt someone. Although he knows few spells, he has the potential to learn them all. He is innocent, and although book-smart, he doesn't understand how the world quite works. He doesn't understand the violence around him.
Background:
In a small country, war wages against a much larger country. The small country has few elite soldiers but the larger country has many troops. In a small island, (part of the smaller country) children know little of the pains of war. They dream and train to become soldiers some day. The few who return after war remain bitter and silent. No one knows why the war is waged. The smaller country simply defends itself. Although currently, it has the upper hand, war is always shaky, and things could change at any moment.
Story:
Gerard's home is attacked by a mass of raiders from the larger country. Although the island fends it off, Gerard, Kaleb, and Aria are kidnapped. While on board, they manage to escape and jump off into the ocean. Nearly drowning, they surface, luckily together, near a remote village. Right in the middle of the war. (Now to avoid too many spoilers...) Gerard and his family must try to get home in the midst of chaos in a war. Soon, in order to save his family, Gerard realizes his only choice may be to end the war. With this realization, comes the realization he must fight a war to end it... So he goes, and fights to protect his family and end a war so that he may finally go home.
Now of course, they run into some problems. They can't leave since they are drafted into the war, so they have to fight. On their way to the village, they are attacked by raiders and Gerard makes his first kill. Not a glorious moment, better the raider than Gerard but he can't deal with it. Now he has to kill dozens, maybe hundreds of others to win the fight. All so he can protect his family. Kaleb refuses to stay at the village and goes out with Gerard. Aria supporting Kaleb, goes with Gerard to the war. As they gain experience as war veterans and learn to kill, they have to end the war, and completely killing their opposition won't work. Which means to infiltrate the opposing country and force a surrender. Or a treaty...
seems very cookie-cutter RPG.
Quote from: NAMKCOR on July 15, 2010, 05:29:39 AM
seems very cookie-cutter RPG.
Cookie-cutter as in a do-it-all? Yeah, but I probably won't include romance xD (My experience with romance has been overcliched or just done terribly in most cases. Don't wanna follow that...)
Mostly, the genre is sort of psychological (i.e. inner conflict, can I really do this? Can I kill him?) Man vs man (War) and Man vs Nature (they're in a strange country. The surroundings can't always make sense to them.)
So is it bad or good? and as for specifics in the story itself... Too cliche? Great? horrible?
Sounds pretty okay. I like the idea that the main character isn't a cliche swords guy. Swords are waaay over rated. I'm really partial to spears, actually. So cool~!
As for your party all being family, that could be really cool or really lame, depending on how you swing the dialogue. You definitely want all three characters to react to things differently. Siblings are often very similar in how they handle situations. But as for your outline so far, it's pretty okay in my opinion. I would introduce another country into the mix though, so it's not so "we're the good guys, they're the bad guys". It's always interesting to have the hero team up with his arch-enemy to defeat a common foe.
Also, one of the best things ever in a story is to have it take dark twists. Give the hero internal conflicts. Put him in the situation where he has to kill people in front of his little brother. Is his sister captured, and there is way to many soldiers to attempt a rescue? Make him abandon her, and bring her back later. Make him hate himself. That makes for SUCH A #$%^ING SEXY STORY!!!
Anyways, keep at it. The longer you stare at your storyline, the more "If I add this, it would be cooler" ideas you will have, and eventually you'll have a great story on your hands.
Quote from: Lancifer on July 15, 2010, 05:43:58 AM
Sounds pretty okay. I like the idea that the main character isn't a cliche swords guy. Swords are waaay over rated. I'm really partial to spears, actually. So cool~!
As for your party all being family, that could be really cool or really lame, depending on how you swing the dialogue. You definitely want all three characters to react to things differently. Siblings are often very similar in how they handle situations. But as for your outline so far, it's pretty okay in my opinion. I would introduce another country into the mix though, so it's not so "we're the good guys, they're the bad guys". It's always interesting to have the hero team up with his arch-enemy to defeat a common foe.
Also, one of the best things ever in a story is to have it take dark twists. Give the hero internal conflicts. Put him in the situation where he has to kill people in front of his little brother. Is his sister captured, and there is way to many soldiers to attempt a rescue? Make him abandon her, and bring her back later. Make him hate himself. That makes for SUCH A #$%^ING SEXY STORY!!!
Anyways, keep at it. The longer you stare at your storyline, the more "If I add this, it would be cooler" ideas you will have, and eventually you'll have a great story on your hands.
A) I was far far ahead of you on the mental conflict thing xD
B) Captured sister is SO cliche. So's captured kid bro. More like abandonment, return, emo status is good :D
C) You are so DAMN right about the DAMN sword cliche. It's why I chose spear in the first place :P
D) Yeah, they're sort of polar opposite siblings. Kaleb the more logical/innocent kiddo. Gerard innocent/harsh/mistrusting/overprotective and Aria the joyful/try to lighten things kinda person. They're different (good time for the adoption scene :D)
E) He's killing people. He'll hate himself very very early in the story. It's sort of the resolution that he realizes it wasn't all in vain.
F) Damn dialogue is what worries me but hopefully family members isn't terrible.
And what good would a psychological type of game be if there were a clear distinction of good and bad and good guys and bad guys? ^^
Quote from: doomed2die on July 15, 2010, 05:35:33 AM
Quote from: NAMKCOR on July 15, 2010, 05:29:39 AM
seems very cookie-cutter RPG.
Cookie-cutter as in a do-it-all? Yeah, but I probably won't include romance xD (My experience with romance has been overcliched or just done terribly in most cases. Don't wanna follow that...)
Mostly, the genre is sort of psychological (i.e. inner conflict, can I really do this? Can I kill him?) Man vs man (War) and Man vs Nature (they're in a strange country. The surroundings can't always make sense to them.)
So is it bad or good? and as for specifics in the story itself... Too cliche? Great? horrible?
He meant cookie-cutter as in "entirely similar to your average RPG."
I mean cookie-cutter as in generic.
Ah... Well, I guess it sort of is... I'm more focusing on the specifics and avoiding cliches there than anything
Is that a bad thing though?
I haven't been on here for long but I think from what I've seen you should use uncommon cliches but avoid the common ones, unless you add a little twist to them.
Your psychological asects are very ameture. The story is basic and untouching. I like games like mine... ones that deal with sensitive topics as apposed to 'Can I do this', 'Can I kill him', like teh right to murder, rape, theft, war, discrimination and rascism. The big stuffs!
good promise the trick I think is avoiding Chiches and making the story pop, it is very vanilia after all. Ever Play Final Fantasy Crisis Core? Take a look at the Wutai if you do the Wutai vs Shinra echoes this well and might be a good place to study.