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RMRK General => Creativity => Topic started by: JAP on July 17, 2007, 09:53:48 AM

Title: [Writing] Broken Soul
Post by: JAP on July 17, 2007, 09:53:48 AM
Broken Soul
by JAP

Under the ray of moon
Stood a lovely maiden
She's waiting for doom
Inside the deep silence

She knows everything
Yet she lost everything
Her hair was purely cleaned
Yet her eyes were stained

She saw everything
On water of the pond near her
She cut everything
That has a bond with her

Under the shine of moon
She weeps and cries
Letting icy drops
Melted on her dress

Under the sight of moon
She lied on the ground
She's waiting for doom
To purify her soul

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This one is pretty much one year old... >_> But this might be the best poem I ever wrote (I've been absent from writing poem for 1 year, this is my latest piece).
Title: Re: Broken Soul
Post by: Arrow on July 17, 2007, 03:40:44 PM
It's very good! Visualizations = awesome, I painted a pretty blue picture in my head, nice work!
Title: Re: Broken Soul
Post by: JAP on July 19, 2007, 11:27:30 AM
Thank you, Arrow-san. *bows*
Title: Re: Broken Soul
Post by: Kokowam on July 20, 2007, 11:58:55 PM
I likes. Like arrow said, it paints a wonderful picture in my mind but my picture is not so blue but more of a dark, dark night with the moonshine's silver glow falling upon the lovely maiden.