The RPG Maker Resource Kit
RMRK General => Creativity => Topic started by: Arrow on October 06, 2008, 12:18:18 AM
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Zebra Pig Elephant
A giant wooden crate stood alone in the wilderness of Namibia, left by man and forgotten swiftly. Dust billowing and twirling in the air around its woody bindings, blue sky crystal clear and cloudless behind it, there was not a life form in sight. Minutes passed…and gradually turned to hours…until finally, a severely bored creature inside used its massive strength to break free of its freshly splintered prison. It stood now alone against the dry, cracked earth, searching for…something. What that something was the creature could not be sure. It whipped its leathery, stripy head around, rousing cobwebs from their place in its mind, and began to half-trot and half-stumble off to parts unknown. The Earth trailed and spun beneath its thick, cloven hoof-stumps as it intermittently issued guttural snorts and trumpets, calling to anything that might be hiding against the scorching earth. After some time the creature became tired, and resting against the narrow, gnarled trunk of an indigenous tree it rested, twirling its own gnarled and narrow trunk in the air. The scent of its surroundings was foreign, yet all at once, quite eerily familiar. It was as if two-thirds of itself were perfectly at home, while the last was quite severely uncomfortable and was looking for something of a barn or pit of mud to lie in. Torn, but also tired, the creature silently agreed to disagree with itself, and lay its head against the ground. What a strange place it found itself in- and what a strange creature that was over there!
In the distance a slender cat-like creature- which in fact was a cat, and a cheetah to be precise- low-bowed its way over to the tree. Seeing the strange mutant animal lying there, and subsequently realizing that it was alone, tired, and very tasty looking, the cheetah paused. A moment passed. Suddenly, the wild cat burst forward with incredible speed, rocketing forth at a blinding pace. In seconds he would be on the alien, and in a second more, he would feast upon hit.
The cheetah suspected he may taste like wildebeest.
But this was not to be! Frightened, panicking and nearly tumbling over itself in fright, the xeno-beast stood up as quickly as it could and instinctively stood on its hind legs, trumpet-snorting as loudly as it could and flailing its trunk and stump-hooves. The cheetah was taken completely by surprise. An animal the size of an elephant, moving with the speed of a zebra! How absurd, he must have thought, before he was thumped soundly on the stomach by its trunk and sent sailing through the air.
The poly-beast took no chances, and turned tail to charge across the country back to whence it came. Unfortunately, having only the cognitive strength of a pig, elephant and zebra, it quickly became lost. It wandered for days, taking leaves from the various trees for sustenance and drinking where it found water, until it eventually walked into a village. The people, as would be expected, had no idea what this creature might be, but were nonetheless quite fond of it. It was kept in the village and treated well, acting as a beast of burden until the day it died.
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<Arrow> * interesting hook 4 Nothing like a strange box to make you want to look inside.
<Arrow> * strong verbs (limit use of to be and to have verbs) 4 showed movement well?
<Arrow> * precise language (be concise) 5 you always knew what was going on
<Arrow> * clarity of ideas 5 well described but not too wordy
<Arrow> * closing sentence or paragraph 3 ends a bit abruptly