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[Writing] Fragment of 'The Starlight Chronicles' - Undefined Feelings

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The following is a small and unfinished fragment of a chapter from 'The Starlight Chronicles'.  These chronicles narrate the quest of Arwym Starlight and her companions. 
Arwym is not only a nickname, as you will find out.  She is a character I have been shaping for years, and who is still not perfect.  Arwym has a long way to go.  The more attached you get to a character of yours, the more you develop it, and the more unique and less stereotypical it becomes.

'The Starlight Chronicles' has never been officially written.  Maybe someday, after I finish building the world of Medunian, I will decide to write it, along with other stories, in a series of self-published novels.  Who knows...  It was also planned as an RPG, but the story is so precious to me, that I have not dared to use it for a game project.

This was written several months ago, and now I can see the many flaws.  Errors not only in grammar and spelling, but also in the narration.  It is here where I can notice how much English I have yet to learn.  This could be much better.  I will re-work it when I feel like writing it from start to finish, but not now.

Quote
"Undefined Feelings"

The unusual pair walked the streets of Solstram City, this time toward one of the finest clothing boutiques in the entire Empire. The night was approaching, and so the moment of meeting face to face with their enemies.

"It's here," Arwym said. "... Let's go."
She did not look back at where her partner stood. Instead, she just stepped in through the curtains of the establishment.
But as she entered, she noticed no movement coming from him. She went back outside.

"Seith?" She asked, staring at him with a slightly hurried look.

Seith waited a few more seconds before expressing his opinion. Then, he spoke.
"Are you sure this is going to work? Joining a banquet just for nobles, when we are not even part of them? And what if they recognize us? You're famous, as well as I am. They are after us... I don't think they'll take me for one of them, either..."

As usual, Arwym expressed little concern. However, her voice came with a bit of sarcasm, one Seith knew very well. After all, that sarcasm was always reserved for him.
"You're right," she answered, then went back into the store.

Seith smiled, but suddenly wondered why she continued her way inside the boutique. Had not she agreed? And why didn't she insult him this time?

Suddenly, Arwym reappeared from inside the building. Then she spoke, again with the same tone.
"However... who would imagine you clean, and wearing elegant clothes?"

Seith froze at those words during a short moment. Then, he tried to ignore what had just happened, and finally entered the store after his companion.

The building's only room, --which was divided in sections by huge curtains made of silk threads, and designed in the Solstramic fashion--, felt dark and warm, even relieving, to the pair of travelers.

Arwym would be the one to negotiate. She took her money pouch out of one of the many pockets hidden inside her robe, then motioned to the lady in charge of the boutique.
The lady, who was near a pile of finely ornamented boxes, spotted the two strangers. One was a male Human, covered in a weatherworn cloak. The other, a black-haired female Elf with intense gray eyes, wearing a dark blue robe with strange patterns in its borders. She looked at them with interest, for they were not the kind of customer she usually received in her fine store. On the contrary, they looked like a pair of young adventurers in search of some work to do. She was about to tell them to go look for a job somewhere else, but then she saw the large pouch of money on the Elf's right hand. They were customers, after all.
Knowing this, she forced the sweetest smile she could ever show, and rapidly moved toward them.

"Greetings, greetings! Welcome to Mahida's Boutique! The best of the Empire, as you may already know! So how may I help you?"

========================================

NOTICE! I am still writing this... it's a fragment of one of my stories, 'Legends of Medunian: The War of the Portals'.
I'll continue writing later, because my hands and arms are hurting already.
Thank you for reading!
PLEASE! DO NOT COPY THIS! IT'S MINE, AND ONLY MINE!
========================================


Thank you for reading, and please do not be too harsh on me.  I am learning.  ^_^
« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 10:11:58 AM by boe »

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Nice!
That seems more than "just learning" to me.
Keep up the good job! ;)
Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

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Thank you very much, Leventhan. :D