[Writing] D&R: Ultima

The final part of the D&R Saga

Genre: I'm really not sure...

Word Count: 1207

NOTE: This story contains graphic language, mature and possibly upsetting/offensive content. Therefore, some portions may be shocking to readers.

Story

Spoiler for:

It's been a year since I've been out on parole, and things have been pretty alright.

I've got a new girlfriend, me and my friends are still tight as glue, and life is overall good. Predictably, no one has really offered me a job yet, much less a home, due to everything I've done, but Jason is currently letting me stay at his place. That's good enough, since he has everything a man could want; food, porn, video games, cheap horror movies, you name it.

Surely enough, though, my world was ready to be turned upside down for good.

Me and the guys were playing Call of Duty: Ghosts one Friday afternoon, and Jason said "Hey, I should go out and get us some Taco Bell. Ol' Al here could use a decent meal". "Yeah, like my balls weren't broken enough; now you gotta get us cheap slop from a stripper's dumpster", I sarcastically remarked, and then Terrence noogied my head. We all laughed for a good minute or so before Jason went out to get the food. When he got back, we ate and had a conversation about, of all things, overly elastic diapers. Yeah, I don't know either, honestly.

After I finished my chalupa, I decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood to get my cardio fix of the day. I admired the sunset as I took my walk, thinking to myself 'Wow, it's been a while since I saw the sun. It really is beautiful'. I went to talk to my girlfriend for a while, but while we were having our conversation, part of me started to question the insane amount of stuff I'd been put through since that faithful graduation. Before my talk with her could really screech to a halt, though, I quickly got my mind back on track.

As I reached the garbage area... I saw him again, at the other side of the street. That guy; the man that looked so much like me that it just had to be a coincidence. We exchanged looks for a minute or so, then as I began to return to Jason's house, he started to come towards me. A chill ran down my spine as he drew nearer as if Bin Laden had somehow risen from his grave. I could only stand and let him come to me; I was too scared to make a break for it.

When he finished walking to me, him only a couple feet away, he said rather politely "Hello".

"...hi"

"..."

"Uh... how are you?"

"I want to have a talk with you, Allen"

"And how the HELL do you know my na-"

"I'm your twin brother"

Once again, a chill ran down my spine. My eyes widened to the point where I thought they were going to fall out of my sockets. I struggled to follow up on this extremely shocking revelation, but all I could say was "...holy fuck, man".

He quickly became angry. "What, after everything you've been through... all the unrealistic, retarded, incredibly untimely bullshit... NOW you act shocked?".

"What... the HELL are you sa-"

"Oh, don't fucking act like I don't know what I'm talking about. Allen, believe it or not, I've been watching you for years; it took until LAST WEEK for you to even notice that I existed, though, which is goddamn ridiculous. You know what ELSE is ridiculous, though? The fact that you aren't dead in a ditch right now"

"I... just... wh-"

"COME THE FUCK ON, man. You killed men and women, drove friends and family to misery, got diagnosed all too late despite it being obvious from the very day you finished college that you were sociopathic, blindly put on life-time parole despite the fact that you're an established, and EXTREMELY dangerous might I add, criminal, and that parole doesn't even work like tha-"

"Okay, look, what are you trying to prove? Yes, people are idiots, but-"

"I'm trying to say that you should have been fucking dealt with years ago, but karma seems to have developed mental retardation and decided to put you on a roller coaster of idiocy and unrealistic circumstances instead of a well-deserved fast track to hell where you belong. It has nothing to DO with society, Allen... it has to do with the fact that you haven't been taken care of"

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, and why are you suddenly pointing out everything wrong with my existence for the last 15 something years? Who the fuck CARES if I'm so lucky? I'm getting my life back on track, I have medication to deal with my disorder, I have a social life again... I could go on, really"

"Well, isn't THAT just fucking peachy? If I had a dollar for every peach in my hand right now, I could whip up some fucking cobbler as celebration for a stone-cold criminal like you suddenly deciding to redeem yourself. No, you know what? 'Criminal' is too good for you. You're not even fucking human; there's no way in hell karma would let you off the hook like this. I swear to God, it's like you're bending reality to your whim and making everyone act like complete idiots solely for your benefit. Just... you're... AAAGH, I don't fucking know"

I simply stood there in an attempt to register what my twin brother was saying to me. After what seemed like 5 minutes, I screamed and started to lunge at him, him following suit. I punched his face into a barely recognizable mess of bruises, blood and swelling bumps, and he did the same. "DIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH", he yelled, as he tackled me into the ground and started to beat me senseless. Before I could reach a comatose state, I threw him off and kicked him as hard as I could in the crotch and stomach, causing him to cough blood.

Civilians were too scared to interfere with our fight, but police soon came by and attempted to break it up, but I stole one of the officer's batons and quickly beat him to death. The other officer almost hand-cuffed me, but my brother stole his baton and beat him to death as well. He dropped to his knees and uttered "SEE? THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?? IF THESE PEOPLE WEREN'T FUCKING INCOMPETENT IDIOTS, YOU'D BE ARRESTED RIGHT N-".

Before he could finish, a couple of civilians managed to get behind me and my brother in the midst of the battle and blindside us, knocking us down into very tired states.

"*pant *pant* So is this how it ends, Allen? Karma playing one last cruel joke on us before we die?"

And in a quaint moment of poetic justice, both men that were putting a stop to our fight took out pistols and shot us in the chests, heads and legs. My life flashed before me one more time, and "...follia..." raced through my mind seemingly indefinitely while I was losing my remaining blood, and I used my remaining strength to look up, staring at my dead brother. I put my head back down on the sidewalk, sighed and closed my eyes.

I died immediately after.

THE END

Trivia

Spoiler for:

You might have noticed by now, but the major purpose of this conclusion is to basically tear apart every ridiculous thing about the series. While the events that happened in D&R ultimately (somewhat, probably, I dunno) vary in their effectiveness and believability, I really have kept in mind how largely outlandish and thought-provoking they are. That was actually kind of the point from the beginning; I just didn't reveal it until now to keep everyone guessing and thinking! In a sense, it's both a deconstruction (lampooning everything about D&R) and a reconstruction (applying logic so some sort of realism is retained). Mind blowing, eh?

Basically/tl;dr, the series overused the Willing Suspension Of Disbelief trope to its grave, and I've known that the whole time; some people who might have not agreed with the/approved of the challenges and concepts approached in D&R will likely be satisfied upon reading this. Looking at everything I'd written only further made me think 'you know, this could use a good satirical analysis'.

Are you trolling?

Like for real. Be real with me. This is for real.

Perhaps.

...or perhaps not. You decide! 

I could go out on a limb and say that maybe Allen was fighting himself in his insanity...
But I just don't know.
I really don't.

I got lost somewhere in all the...inconsistencies. O.o

In a way, that could work as an interpretation; his brother could maybe represent his insanity attempting to take over his perspective one last time.

But as I said in the Trivia section, this is basically meant to poke fun at the series in general. Whether or not that you enjoyed what's been written up to this point is subjective, and if you're on either side of the fence, all the power to you. However, it's inarguable that a lot of the more 'insane' events in the first three stories raised boatloads of questions, and the intention of this final entry is to basically hold a lampshade on how ridiculous and unlikely they are. Trust me, the ultimate problem with this series was its lack of 100% concrete explanation (I DID offer plenty of answers to questions that arose, but the point about the overwhelming ambiguity and rather prominent rate of confusion still stands), and I've been aware of this from the beginning. Therefore, I basically decided to poke fun at myself a bit as a special, if unpredictable and kinda weird, way to end the series.

If this were any other entry in the series, it'd be totally fine to think about things, but as this particular entry is more-or-less purely meant to be satirical, I wouldn't look into it too hard.