[Writing] Unlimited Edge II Script

Here is the first-half of the beginning scene to the side-project I'm working on with RPG Maker 2003. It's more story-based than anything, so I would be thankful if you could read this first half and help me sort through any errors: grammer issues, spelling errors, or just help find better words to use. Thank you.




Unlimited Edge II Script


~~~Chapter 1 : Sacrificed Love~~~


"An existence lost. Death before birth.."


*The screen fades in to show three men: Two soldiers and a normal looking male standing between them. They are facing an woman and a rather young girl.*


Woman: "Bu-but...please! You must! You must reconsider! She is only a young girl, not even in school!  Please! Please!!"

Center Man: "I am truly sorry, but you had agreed to this date. Today is the day. Say goodbye and let the girl come with us."

Woman: "Please..please! Let her live! I'll go with you, I've lived my life! You can't...you can not take her away! She has a future! Please..

Center Man: "I am sorry, but you must realize that this is for the good of the village. One life does not equal that of many lives. I truly am sorry, but she must come with us. There are no exceptions."

Woman: "N-no...no! You can not...you will not take her away from me! You...not you or anyone has that right! She's mine..you..you can not have her!" *Sobs*

Girl: "Mommy..mommy..I'm scared. Pwease don't get mad, mommy!"

Woman: "It's all right..*Sob* it's all right..." 

*The woman backs away, along with the girl*

Woman: "These bastards are not going to take you from me!"

Center Man: "Wait. Don't do anything you might regret. Please, I'm just trying to keep this as peaceful as possible. I promise..she will not feel any pain."

*The center man takes a few steps closer to the girl and woman.*

Center Man: "So please..just-"

Woman: "No! Shut up! Shut up and get out of by damn house you bastards! I'm not letting her become one of them! Get out!

*The woman generates a sword through her magic and wields it against the man*

Woman: "They should just take you! Without you...without any of you we would live in peace! Death after death...everyone is dying. How can you? How can you say that your human!? Have you any feelings!? Well? Have you!?

Girl: "Mommy..mommy!"

Woman: "Calm down..I'm here. It's all right.."

Center Man: "You would wield a weapon against a fellow villager? You-"

Woman: "Fellow villager my ass! Your nothing but a pack of demons! Worthless filth who care not for those around you!"

Center Man: "Everything we do is for the good of the village! Do you have no mind, woman!? If we are not to deliver this girl then not only will both you and her die, the entire village will as well! Every village..everyone has to go through this. Your not alone. Do you...do you actually think we like this? Do you honestly believe that we take pleasure in sending our loved ones to their death!? Can you truly call us monsters for protecting you?"

Woman: "Yes...yes, I can. To side with them...to actually agree to this...this...slaughter.."

*The woman readies her sword*

Woman: "That is what makes you a monster!"

*The woman runs at the man. However, before she reaches him the screen fades black and all is silent.*

"Go...run..you must run...do not look back. Do not...look back...and do not...worry, I shall...be right behind you...because..I will never leave you. Never."

Sorry for the double-post everyone.


Well, I added to the beginning. This comes before the current starting piece of script I already have posted. Do you think that it blends well? Where this one ends it picks up in the first post.





"An existence lost. Death before birth.."


*The screen fades to the kitchen of a woman and her little girl. The woman is fiddling around with the stove and such as the girl eats.*

Woman: "Phew...there. Now, all we need is for those two to get home. I wonder what's taking them so long.."

Girl: "Mommy, I don't want no more. I'm full."

Woman: "Alright then. Bring your plate up and then go get ready for bed."

*The girl picks the plate up and brings it to the woman.*

"The girl hands the plate to her mother."

Woman: "Now, go and get ready for bed."

Girl: "But I'm not tired...I wanna stay and see daddy."

Woman: "You can see him tomorrow. Your brother and your father might not be home until late. Now, be a good girl and go and get ready. Daddy might have some gifts for you if he finds out that you've been a good girl while he was away."

Girl: "OK mommy, good night."

Woman: "Good night, honey."

*The girl heads for the stairs as the mother turns back to the stove. However, the girl jumps, being startled.*

Girl: "Oh!"

*The girl runs back down to retrieve her teddy bear on the counter*

Girl: "I almost forgot you, Mr. Bear! Come on, we're gonna go and get ready for bed now. Then, once daddy gets home, we get presents!"

*The girl runs upstairs*

*The woman goes and sits down on the chair on the side of the table.*

Woman: ...

*The screen goes dark*

" Four hours later. 1:34 AM."

*The woman stands by the fireplace. The clock can be heard ticking in the background.*

Woman: "..."

Woman: "Please, hurry back. Please..."

*There comes a knocking at the door. There are three knocks.*

Woman: "...?"

*The woman turns from the fire to face the door. There are 3 more knocks.*

Woman: (Who would come to the house this late. Unless....)

*There are three more knocks.*

Woman: "Leo-"

Voice from outside: "Is anyone at home? Hello?"

Woman: (what...?)

Voice from outside: "Open the door..."

*There is heard a lock opening as the door opens and 3 men walk in.*

Center Man: "Julia Rosen, we have come for Vivian."

Julia: "Wh-what? What do you mean?"

Center Man: "Vivian...she is to be used today. Her time has come, as it was arranged by both yourself and the priest. This is as much time as you said you needed with her."

Julia: "What..? No. No. This..this can't be it. No..it can't be up already..no!"

Center Man: "Please, bring the girl forth, it is time for us to depart. I would have come sooner..but we had others to attend to as well. Vivian is the last marked child left in our village."

Julia: "Why? Why today? Why now?! Please, please..not today! Not yet...please, please!"

Center Man: Julia..it was your decision. You could have changed it back then, but you shortened your maximum time limit. Now is no time for regret...so please...let her come with us.

Julia: "No...no!"

*Julia runs upstairs. The screen fades black.*

*The screen fades in, showing the three men standing before Julia and Vivian. Julia is net to Vivian.*

Cool.
Is it a movie?
Does the second part happen before hand?
Are you going to explain what happens?

No movie, just the opening scene from the side-project I'm working on with RPG Maker 2003.  The second part I posted most recetly comes before the part in my first post. The reason I posted it was to get tips, comments, etc.

Well I think its great.
Being an actor I would love to see that acted out,
but it still sounds good to be a opening scene.