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RMRK General => Creativity => Topic started by: Ruzu on July 09, 2010, 10:31:21 AM

Title: [Writing] Think this is the right spot, what do you think of this story?
Post by: Ruzu on July 09, 2010, 10:31:21 AM
Being here for like two years and I still don't know the right spot for something as simple as this, if I screwed up please move it to the right spot.

Anyway, I want to make a story, and then when I can a game from it (maybe).

The story basically follows an thirty-nine year old man named Caim Westler, an man who fought against the kingdom Renaissance, when he was in the kingdom of Yore. (These names aren't permanent, just place holders don't give me an hard time about them. Please, and thank you). Who comes into possession of an gauntlet, but not just any kind of gauntlet according to his dear friend John Butler, its the gauntlet he has been looking for about half his life since he came into contact with a gauntlet similar to it years ago.

John convinces Caim to take his book, that is full of places he could identify when he came into contact with the gauntlet before. Thus, Caim who is a people pleaser when it comes to his friend, his only friend. Embarks on this quest, and eventually finds that this gauntlet brings a new twist to memories, and time.

My notes: That's somewhat of a run down of what I have planned, to be honest I have a lot more planned but I didn't really want to spoil what I have planned, and so I wanted to get a idea if anyone thought this might be good. So far from the people who I spoiled it to its okay, but I've changed some things and haven't been able to ask them again yet. So yeah, feed back is welcomed.
Title: Re: Think this is the right spot, what do you think of this story?
Post by: Jonesy on July 09, 2010, 11:30:17 AM
Quote
The story basically follows an thirty-nine year old man named Caim Westler, an man who fought against the kingdom Renaissance, when he was in the kingdom of Yore. (These names aren't permanent, just place holders don't give me an hard time about them. Please, and thank you). Who comes into possession of an gauntlet, but not just any kind of gauntlet according to his dear friend John Butler, its the gauntlet he has been looking for about half his life since he came into contact with a gauntlet similar to it years ago.

John convinces Caim to take his book, that is full of places he could identify when he came into contact with the gauntlet before. Thus, Caim who is a people pleaser when it comes to his friend, his only friend. Embarks on this quest, and eventually finds that this gauntlet brings a new twist to memories, and time.

My notes: That's somewhat of a run down of what I have planned, to be honest I have a lot more planned but I didn't really want to spoil what I have planned, and so I wanted to get a idea if anyone thought this might be good. So far from the people who I spoiled it to its okay, but I've changed some things and haven't been able to ask them again yet. So yeah, feed back is welcomed.

You use "an" a lot, where you should be using "a". Is the fact that he is 39 relevant? It seems oddly specific.
Came into contact with a gauntlet 20 some years ago? Was it John or Caim who came into contact with it? What did it do? Why does he want it again? Why has he been looking for it?

What book does Butler convince Raim to take? I don't understand why Butler could identify with them when he had the Gauntlets?

Overall it sounds kind of derived. A man who used to be in war. Embarks on an epic quest, with a magical symbol. you best have some cunning twists up your sleevies.
Title: Re: Think this is the right spot, what do you think of this story?
Post by: Ruzu on July 10, 2010, 12:09:12 PM
Sorry an teacher in high school got me using it a lot.

You know in some books, the main character is always some young person, well I wanted an old person who knew the world and wasn't new to it. Caim came into contact with a gauntlet and shows it to his friend Butler, who has seen it twenty years ago.  He tells that the gauntlet, has special properties and tells him that twenty years ago when he came into contact with the gauntlet he had a special vision that lead him to see a world without the use of magic but the use of strictly science, magic was wiped off the plains of earth but in doing so peace had become much more stable than with magic.

He wants it because since the vision, he has had a theory that would(supposedly) improve the world for the better.
John gives Caim a book that gives directions to where he lost he remembers seeing the gauntlet, also in the book is information (an atlas if you will) about the world because Caim is starting to have visions to but the visions are somewhat iffy at best and it gives little clues as to where the locations are.

Basically caim wants to ignore this, but BUtler convinces him its best to go and solve it.
Its not really an 'epic' quest, just one between friends, and the symbol isn't what you would call magic. I do have some twists up my sleeves, but I don't want to spoil anything.